Friday, February 19, 2016

Milestones and Fear

Today was another big milestone for me... I am officially down 25 lbs! I weighed in this morning at 291 lbs. So close to the 280's already!

My clothes are looser, So loose that I will probably go dig some of my size 18's out of storage this weekend so I can start using them for motivation. Even my UNDERWEAR are fitting better! I'm excited. Making progress and FEELING progress are two separate animals. When you can feel your progress, it makes the journey so worth it.

Tomorrow will mark three solid weeks since I fully committed to a Ketogenic lifestyle. I say "lifestyle" because it's definitely not a temporary weight loss fix. I've tried explaining it to some, but it's hard to emphasize that this won't work unless you are RIGID in your food template. You can't cheat. And you have to stay within your carb/protein/fat range.

It's getting easier for me, and my cravings and hunger have pretty much disappeared. This plan is worth eliminating sugar and most carbs. My body works better and I feel amazing. But this plan isn't for everyone. Some people don't have to be this drastic. But I do. At least for now. Even at a "goal" weight, I will continue to eat this way. I will most likely follow more of a paleo food template way down the road because I would like some fruit. But I will commit to low-carb and higher fat for the long haul. I believe in the plan.

Now that I finally feel like my eating is on the right track, I've been thinking more about my workouts. Last week, I felt inspired and made an appointment for a meeting with a personal trainer. He said that we would meet, go over nutrition and my goals, and then he would assign me a trainer. I told him that I already had a nutrition plan, but he seemed to sort of ignore that when he mentioned it again at the end of the conversation.

I chickened out at our first appointment, Then I rescheduled for two days later and chickened out on that appointment, too.

I don't think I'm ready for a personal trainer. Well, not like this seemed to be set up.

First of all, fear and anxiety make me very nervous sometimes at the gym. Especially because I'm still very overweight. And I'm a female that is interested in lifting more weights. And I don't know what I'm doing and feel intimidated.

Second of all, sometimes "fit" people assume that I'm just some lazy fat-ass that doesn't know anything about nutrition or exercise and come at me like I'm stupid. Even when I try to explain to them that I know the basics, I study and obsess over nutrition and diet and have done so for many years. My problem is not KNOWING better, it's DOING better. And don't let me get started on the food addiction portion... many people in the fitness world just think that's bullshit. They think that it's really calories in and calories out.

But it's not that easy.

So for now, it just doesn't feel right. And yes, I'm scared to really jump out of my comfort zone.

So for now I'm walking. I'm walking around my neighborhood, and I'm also walking during my 1/2 hour lunch break at school. And it's more challenging than I thought it would be. I bumped my fitbit goal to 10,000 steps and it's been hard to get there everyday. Which is probably a good thing. Challenge is good. And the scale has moved this week despite me being sick with a cold.

So I've decided that instead of just doing the elliptical and cardio at the gym, I will walk on days it's sunny or days that I don't have time for the gym. And I will go to the gym on rainy days or days when I have more time. And when I do go to the gym, I will do a full body weights circuit that I found on the JEFit app instead of all cardio. The routine uses the weights machines and I'm pretty comfortable with them.

And I will work my way up. OR I might luck out and find a trainer or program that is perfect for me!


  1. Please read my last post!! Personal training is the best thing I have ever done! And at no point have I felt judged or insecure. In fact, they have validated all my personal philosophies with weight loss and have supported me amazingly! I've been "gymming" for 6 years and have finally found the place that "fits".

  2. Hollie, so happy to hear how well you're doing. It's not easy, I know. Love when I get your posts. Keep on going. You are inspiring lots of me!

  3. Hollie - I aam so happy about your progress. It is giving me inspiration. I am getting myself together to start my own Keto program tomorrow.

    If you want to try weights on your own until you are ready for personal training look at Jamie Eason's program on She maps everything out and there are even quick training videos to show you how to do an exercise.

    All the best to you,
    Lisa in DC

  4. Do you have group fitness at your gym? weight lifting classes? Group fitness helped me so much. When I started, I was nervous to be the "fat" one, but I have found so much support there!

    And I agree with you about being rigid with your food. I eat the same thing every day for breakfast and almost the same thing every day for lunch. People always say "How can you eat the same thing every day?" It's so easy for me. It takes any guesswork out of the day regarding calories and healthiness, and I KNOW it works for me since I lost 100 lbs before. Keep doing what works for you!!

    1. I do have a few classes at my gym. My knees aren't ready for Zumba right now... I can barely walk each time I've tried it. They have a Body Pump class I've been thinking about trying. I think it's more strength training.

  5. Congrats on the weight loss. Sometimes we have to push ourselves to try something new and 'scary'. That said....when the time is right I have full confidence that you will head to that first training session and be excited about it!

  6. My husband just started this diet. He's already feeling better and has lost a few pounds. It's only been on it for about 2 weeks. BTW, not sure why my name shows up as unknown.

  7. Hi Hollie, Can you give me some advice? I'm having trouble getting into ketosis. I have the same strips you do and only reach small then fall right back to trace or neg. What are you eating? Is there a link to the ketogenic diet?

    1. Please email me... Are you on Facebook or Instagram? I post most of my food there. I am also on a great FB group that helps me a lot with Keto. You can also visit or

    2. Great! I'll follow you on FB. I think I'm doing everything right and neg/trace/neg... argh! Thanks, Hollie. Margaret

  8. Keep up the great work! I have been there. I lost 60 pounds naturally. It was a lot of work, yet so worth it!


  9. Stumbled across your blog would be nice if I LOOKED like I know what I'm doing. I too obsess and research about nutrition and fitness unless I'm cross-eyed. But I have yet to make my body look like I'm an "expert." Good luck with keto. It's a great program, even worked well for me for a while. But I discovered it's not for me, the lack of carbs would make my workouts suffer, and I work out hard. I've found a sweet spot this year with 100g carbs daily. Every body is different, and sometimes it's more trial and error to find what works for you. Best of luck!

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