Friday, February 19, 2016

Milestones and Fear

Today was another big milestone for me... I am officially down 25 lbs! I weighed in this morning at 291 lbs. So close to the 280's already!

My clothes are looser, So loose that I will probably go dig some of my size 18's out of storage this weekend so I can start using them for motivation. Even my UNDERWEAR are fitting better! I'm excited. Making progress and FEELING progress are two separate animals. When you can feel your progress, it makes the journey so worth it.

Tomorrow will mark three solid weeks since I fully committed to a Ketogenic lifestyle. I say "lifestyle" because it's definitely not a temporary weight loss fix. I've tried explaining it to some, but it's hard to emphasize that this won't work unless you are RIGID in your food template. You can't cheat. And you have to stay within your carb/protein/fat range.

It's getting easier for me, and my cravings and hunger have pretty much disappeared. This plan is worth eliminating sugar and most carbs. My body works better and I feel amazing. But this plan isn't for everyone. Some people don't have to be this drastic. But I do. At least for now. Even at a "goal" weight, I will continue to eat this way. I will most likely follow more of a paleo food template way down the road because I would like some fruit. But I will commit to low-carb and higher fat for the long haul. I believe in the plan.

Now that I finally feel like my eating is on the right track, I've been thinking more about my workouts. Last week, I felt inspired and made an appointment for a meeting with a personal trainer. He said that we would meet, go over nutrition and my goals, and then he would assign me a trainer. I told him that I already had a nutrition plan, but he seemed to sort of ignore that when he mentioned it again at the end of the conversation.

I chickened out at our first appointment, Then I rescheduled for two days later and chickened out on that appointment, too.

I don't think I'm ready for a personal trainer. Well, not like this seemed to be set up.

First of all, fear and anxiety make me very nervous sometimes at the gym. Especially because I'm still very overweight. And I'm a female that is interested in lifting more weights. And I don't know what I'm doing and feel intimidated.

Second of all, sometimes "fit" people assume that I'm just some lazy fat-ass that doesn't know anything about nutrition or exercise and come at me like I'm stupid. Even when I try to explain to them that I know the basics, I study and obsess over nutrition and diet and have done so for many years. My problem is not KNOWING better, it's DOING better. And don't let me get started on the food addiction portion... many people in the fitness world just think that's bullshit. They think that it's really calories in and calories out.

But it's not that easy.

So for now, it just doesn't feel right. And yes, I'm scared to really jump out of my comfort zone.

So for now I'm walking. I'm walking around my neighborhood, and I'm also walking during my 1/2 hour lunch break at school. And it's more challenging than I thought it would be. I bumped my fitbit goal to 10,000 steps and it's been hard to get there everyday. Which is probably a good thing. Challenge is good. And the scale has moved this week despite me being sick with a cold.

So I've decided that instead of just doing the elliptical and cardio at the gym, I will walk on days it's sunny or days that I don't have time for the gym. And I will go to the gym on rainy days or days when I have more time. And when I do go to the gym, I will do a full body weights circuit that I found on the JEFit app instead of all cardio. The routine uses the weights machines and I'm pretty comfortable with them.

And I will work my way up. OR I might luck out and find a trainer or program that is perfect for me!

Monday, February 15, 2016

2/15 Weigh-in

Over 4 lbs this week! I was feeling sort of bummed because I only got 3 workouts this week, but I still did well. My back is feeling better this morning, but my congestion is worse. 

I also wanted to see how much weight I've lost since starting Keto and compared it to how much I lost before Keto.

It took me a month to lose 13.4 lbs just doing lower carbs (which is great!). But only 2 weeks into full Keto and I'm down 9.8 lbs. I am very happy with that.

My new scale shall arrive today or tomorrow. And I also plan on starting a weights routine this week. So the scale will probably become a less reliable method of tracking progress for a little bit. That's ok. I plan on taking some more progress pics and measurements. 

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Valentines Day, Keto Style

Happy Valentines Day! Mine started out with the scale moving in the right direction! 22 lbs down and definitely seeing some inches lost.

SOMEONE ( forgot to get coffee so this morning Clyde and I decided to take the kiddos out to breakfast. I chose Cracker Barrel and was able to just get eggs and bacon. The carbage (biscuits, gravy, grits, and pancakes) looked SO yummy but I didn't waiver.

Clyde and I took the kiddos home and went out to get my gift for him... A Fitbit! He walks so much at work I thought it would be fun to both have one and keep each other accountable! 

After we shopped it was time for dinner. I googled popular MEXICAN restaurants in the area and came up with one I had heard of before. Fajitas are a good go-to menu item for me when low-carb or Keto and eating out.

So we get there and look at the menu and no fajitas!!! The waitress explained this was a Dominican/Puerto Rican restaurant. Well, Clyde was starving so I let him order while I tried to find SOMETHING on the menu that wasn't loaded with rice or plantains or bread!

I ended up with nothing. I asked if I could just get a piece of chicken or SOMETHING. No. Honestly the waitress was young and sort of snarky. So I just waited for Clyde to eat and we left. I wasn't really hungry thank goodness.

So I get home and decide I'm going to make my own Keto friendly pizza! 

It looks yummy, but no. So disappointing. I made the fathead pizza crust everyone raves about and... Just. No.

It tasted like hard cheese with pizza toppings. I couldn't even finish my serving. I HATE wasting food, but I hate wasting an opportunity for a good meal!

I felt so cheated. So I also made a low carb sugar free cheesecake dessert that kit the spot. But it didn't take away the regret of making that pizza!

My favorite part of the day was getting restocked on my Skinny Syrups. This is the ONLY sugar free syrup I love (even more than Starbucks). I am only using 1 tbsp in my BPC daily, but it's worth it!

Also check out the Starbucks mug that Clyde got me. I also got flowers and earrings and a sweet card. I felt very spoiled!

I am happy for a day off tomorrow. I need to get back to the gym. I've taken 3 days off because my back has been killing me, AND I am trying to come down with q cold. Just generally not feeling well. But I miss my workouts so I am just doing it anyway!

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

A really, horrible bad day

I know... Two posts in one day. But I need to vent...

First off, I am off my meds for some stupid reason. I ran out of my hormone pills and I ended my 24/day challenge supplements on Thursday. I had a doctor appointment yesterday to get more estrogen. So by the weekend I don't know why I thought that I would just skip my crazy meds, aka Clear Mood, too.

I have been teetering on the edge of a hysterical breakdown all day. Moody, bitchy... Just not feeling mentally well at all.

So I rushed home, changed for the gym, and booked it to my pharmacy to pick up my hormone pills before I went to the gym. Got stuck in line for 30 minutes! Finally got to the window and guess what???? They weren't ready!!! Even though they told me yesterday when I dropped my script off 3pm and it was 5:30!

I almost cussed the woman at the window out when she told me to pull around to get back in line! I mean, I almost Went. Off. But I'm a teacher, and I'm generally nice. So I drove off. I also had to stop by Publix to get a few things (it's also on the way to the gym), so I sat in the parking lot and CRIED. Cried. And then went to the gym. For 30 minutes. 

And it was awesome.

I left the gym and stopped to get gas and discovered I LOST MY CHECK CARD. So I cried again. 

I'm now back home and waiting for my fancy chicken dish to be done (because I'll be damned if I wasn't going to stick to my dinner plan). I'll get to the pharmacy before they close and get my meds. And I'll take a Clear Mood NOW just for good measure. 

Lessons learned:
1. Clear Mood really works. But I know that.
2. Not once did I want to turn to food.
3. Working out really does help. 
4. Having the morning routine for 24 days of taking my supplements was good. Tomorrow I shall return to that.
5. I almost considered skipping my workout (because hungry children waiting for dinner) but no. I had to skip yesterday.and Sunday is a rest day. So there was no way in hell I was going THREE days with no workout. 

Vent. Over.

Weigh in for 2/8

I'm happy with this. I ordered a new scale today because this one is so wonky... I have to step on it about 10 times to get a consistent number.

Feeling good! 

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Let's talk about numbers...

I have a confession to make. I have been too ashamed to post my weight on my blog for quite a while.

Although my weight gain has surely been documented in photos that I've posted, I have not felt very compelled to share the EXACT amount of re-gain I have experienced. It's embarrassing. And I've felt some kind of way about it.

But now I'm ready. Because it's time.

I've been well over 300 lbs again for quite some time. I was hovering around 300 lbs when I started my first 24-day Challenge in May 2015. I got down to about 280. But with the end of the school year, my birthday, my hysterectomy, and the move to Florida, that 20 lbs came back and then brought some friends. I weighed twice on the gym scales over the summer (because I'd donated my own sets of scales when I moved). On July 27 I weighed 307. On August 16 I weighed 312.

On November 30, 2015 I committed to start taking this journey seriously again. I stared my wonderful Facebook support group, and I took extensive before photos in a bikini. I weighed 313.6.

Well, the holidays isn't the best time to try to lose weight. I tried for a few weeks, but dove right off the wagon when Christmas depression set in. The loss of my mother in August was particularly hard for me around Christmas. The first Christmas without my mother being on this Earth was painful. And I medicated with food.

At this time, I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable. My knee, back, and foot pain was almost unbearable. I knew I had to do something. And I didn't want to wait for new years. 

On Monday, December 28 I restarted for what I hope will be my LAST time. 

At 316.4.

I was SO disappointed. My all-time highest weight was 333 lbs. When I started again back in December 2012 I was back up to 319.

I COULD. NOT. BELIEVE. I was almost BACK to 319.

I have steadily been at it since December 28. And as of weigh in yesterday, I am officially back in the 200's.

I started out with no sweets, less carbs, more water. Hell... just TRYING helped. But even after a couple of weeks I was still struggling. So I started another Advocare 24-day Challenge on January 11. It just ended on Thursday, but I wasn't able to weigh-in until Friday (I've been out of town).

17.6 lbs total, and 11.6 while on the challenge. Not too shabby.

Lowering carbs (which some say is a no-no while on the challenge, FYI) and taking my supplements definitely helped. Especially with energy and hunger control.

But over the last week since officially starting Keto, my hunger is GONE. I was able to go on an unexpected road trip for two days and not cheat ONE time. AND drink my water!

No excuses. No cheats. That's how I will succeed this time. I am beating food addiction one good choice at a time. My body is rewarding me with less pain and more energy. My clothes are looser and I'm finally starting to feel better about what I see in the mirror.

I will not quit. I will always keep trying. My quality of life depends on it.