Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Happy (late) New Year!

I figured that I would let all of the "new year, new me" posts pass before I finally decided to blog something this year.

I'm kidding. I've just been procrastinating.

I haven't exactly been on track yet this year. I've pretty much been off the rails since Halloween, to be honest.

I have every excuse in the book. I've been stressed. I've been sick. I've been unmotivated. I've been happy. I've been sad. I've been depressed.

I woke up this morning and decided that I'm done making excuses. It's time for me to get my shit together.

I've gained so much weight. Like, 20+ lbs since November. I'm uncomfortable. My clothes are so tight. I'm out of breath and my heartburn is back. 

I'm miserable. 

But I am not doing anything about it. 

Because I'm obviously not miserable enough to make the changes I need to.

See, I want to eat. I still want what I want as far as food goes. I want 'moderation' but I can't make it work for me. So it pisses me off. And I just keep eating. 

I don't know the answers. Well, I do, but I don't like the answer.

I don't want to diet, and I don't want to eliminate anything. But all signs point to me doing both.

And it makes me mad.

I don't know why, with all the knowledge I've gained about weight loss and nutrition, that I still can't get this right. Why am I still banging my head against the wall?

I don't know. But I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.


  1. I completely understand how you feel, at a certain point of doing something for so long, it gets so frustrating to have to keep doing it. I also find that for myself, I get mad that I have to watch what I eat and deal with cravings when it seems like no one else does.

    For your comment about not wanting to diet or eliminate food, what about adding more healthy food instead? Recognize that at this time you don't want to take food away, so treat yourself to more food instead, just of the healthy variety and see what happens.

  2. The answer is inside you. After 40 years ( I'm only 48) of food addiction and yo-yo diets and many years of morbid obesity, and just plain old obesity, I decided to tackle food addition head on.

    In the end, the pain of the abstain is so much easier than the pain of the disease itself. Onward.

    When you are ready, you'll take those steps. Not painless, but choose your pain. You are strong and will make it.

  3. Seriously. It gets old, doesn't it? Maybe this will be the year for us both. Glad to see you posting, Hollie!

  4. We are both thinking along the same lines. When I got kidney stones and found that I could have prevented them through diet, I immediately stopped making excuses and trying to reason with those excuses how valid they are and got down to basics. I need to lose quite a bit more than you do, but if you commit to losing 5 pounds a month, in 4 short months you could be back to where you want to be.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  5. Hey Hollie! I totally understand this since the holidays through most of us for a loop, even if it's just because we lack time to workout. I've been following you on instagram and I wanted you to know that you've actually been inspiring me to get back to it and finally hit my last goals that I've been putting off. I'm sorry to hear you've gained and are feeling uncomfortable. I know how much it sucks! But you know what? You can do this! You know what works for you and what doesn't (so important). I hope you find the spark you need to do what needs to be done and make it happen. I'm rooting for you!

  6. Hi Hollie! I totally relate. I know OA is what works for me, but I resist the food plans, structure and getting a sponsor. I just want to eat what I want to eat. I am working out, but it's only because I have a pinched nerve and back issues and I'm trying to keep from being in pain. Obviously having a healthy diet and losing weight would help my health issues even more, but I'm so stubborn! Anyway, we can do this, we just have to be willing. Of corse that's the hardest part! Good luck!

  7. I understand how hard it is to lose weight. I've been up and down with my own weight for many years. I wish you lots of luck.


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