Sunday, October 19, 2014

Getting through the rough times...

I took a road trip to Missouri to see my mom this weekend. In case you're new or missed it, mom has Alzheimer's disease and is in a nursing home.

I just wasn't prepared for how her condition has deteriorated since I last saw her in May. Bless her heart... It just made me so sad. And leaving her was the worst.

I cried most of the way home (4 hours). And I just wanted to eat.

I packed my Personal Trainer Food and a gallon of water for the trip. I was prepared, and had breakfast on the way. But once I got there, I lost all appetite and didn't eat again all day. On the way home, I was HUNGRY. Inside and out.

I had a hole inside my gut that I felt that only food could fill. I wanted sweets. I wanted fast food. I wanted anything but that food that was in my lunchbox.

But sanity kicked in. And I stopped at a PILOT and warmed up my food. (I've learned that PILOT truck stops always have a microwave).

The next day, I was down. Which I think is probably pretty normal. So just on a whim, I stopped by Old Navy on the way to my Saturday job to try on a pair of size 16 pants... just to see if they would fit. Guess what?????

Oh. Em. Gee. Happy just don't describe how I felt.

(And I'll add this, because someone left a comment about "vanity sizing" not even five minutes after I made this post. I KNOW these pants are VERY generously sized. They are stretchy. I am very aware of vanity sizing, and that these pants are not a "true" size 16. But I DON'T CARE. The tag says size 16 and this makes me HAPPY.)

Sometimes, I just want to eat everything in sight. Sometimes I want to quit. But I know why I have to keep pushing.

I have about two more weeks of Personal Trainer food left. And then I will probably just keep on eating the same thing... meats and veggies and eggs. Low-carb is working. I feel like I can do this, and I feel like I am finally in control. Habits are being formed every time I make the choice to stay sugar/carb free. Consistency is key.


  1. it IS that sentence here too---for everything.
    knowing why I keep pushing.


  2. My grandmother also has it. This weekend she was driving around lost for over 12 hours. It was hard for me to take! I also wanted to turn to food! And, I did! But, I applaud you for not turning to food! I'm so proud of you! And, I can only dream of ever wearing a size 16! I wouldn't know what to do with myself! Way to go!

  3. Vanity sizing? Sometimes it's not about the tag. Sure getting down to a certain size is a great feeling. But just being able to fit into something in a store that you couldn't before, is amazing. Regardless of the size on the label.

    This might be your first 16, but it won't be your last!

  4. Oh honey. ((((Hugs)))) I wish I could see you in real life and give you a hug! This post pulled at so many emotions in me!

    Your poor mama. I'm sorry she has to deal with such a terrible disease. It is not the same thing, but my dad's cancer spread to his brain before he died and he had severe mental issues because of that---and for the family who loves them, it is SO hard to seem be someone other than who they once were. *tears*

    And on the pants---the tag says 16 and they ARE a size rejoice! I'm proud of you. Hang in there. I'm cheering for you and you ARE doing very well!

  5. Congrats on getting into those size 16's...I recently got into a pair of 16's recently, and now working on getting into 14's. Keep pushing forward and all of your goals will be achieved. Good Luck!!!

  6. I've just found your blog ... What a heart wrenching post ... It is so hard to see our loved ones go through that... its a horrible disease. And I'm so sorry that you are having to go through it.

    "Vanity Sizing" my ass ... Excuse my french ... But if the tag on those pants says 16 then they are 16's ... I tell you what ... I would have bought 2 pairs of them if I could fit in them! not yet but soon! I see a trip to old navy in my near future!

  7. I am so sorry about your Mom. My mother is 90 and I am caring for her. She has her mind, but her lungs are about gone. She is on oxygen and is air starved.

    I stumbled on your blog while searching for weight loss blogs. I am down about how much I weigh and I can't seem to lose any weight.

    I am considering starting a blog about weight loss just to help me be more accountable.

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