Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Fasting again...

I have decided to fast again for the next 21 days...

From April 30 through May 21 I will be fasting from social media and from sugar.

Weird combo, huh?

Social media, although fun and very inspirational, is also a time waster for me. I've found that on some days, I spend hours scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. Both on my personal pages and my SkinnyHollie pages. It's the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning! It's gotten out of hand.

So I will delete those apps and abstain for the next 21 days. And then hopefully I will be able to use them with some sort of sense.

I have also decided that in order to get some kind of sanity with my food, I have to kick the sugar habit again. I am simply lying to myself if I think I will ever have control of that addiction.

There is no moderation for me. Not now. Maybe not ever.

My birthday is May 26 and I am DETERMINED to get out of the 250's by then. I need to focus for the next 21 days, and I believe if I do so I will reach my goal.

So instead of spending time on social media, I will be at the gym or exercising. I will be able to read more and fill my brain with positive knowledge. I will be able to focus on all the things that have to be done at work for the end of the school year.

My last day of school will be the last day of this fast. I will be able to start my summer with a clean slate if I can stick to this fast.

And just to prove it's not about pure weight loss, I will not weigh myself during this time. I will weigh myself in the morning, and again on the morning of May 22. Not at all in between.

I believe that God can help me through this, but I must get my priorities straight. And make myself a priority, too. I know I can do this. I have to stop sabotaging my own efforts.

So.... you will definitely see more of me over the next three weeks. In my opinion, blogging is not the same as social media, so I will still be updating on here.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

An email to my OA sponsor...

I have not been abstinent since Thursday night after OA. My reasons are really just excuses... I've not been abstinent. Period.

I have used the tools you have given me, and also read several other things. I think the main reason I am struggling is lack of a solid food plan. When life gets crazy, like mine is 99% of the time, I think a food plan will keep the guessing and wiggle room out of the food.

J from OA said something really profound to me the other night when we were talking about my struggle with the food plan... It's just for today. Stop thinking about whether or not THIS food plan will be forever. Just decide to follow it for today, or just for the coming week. You can always change it.

I guess, in my diseased mind, I've been trying to find a happy medium, where I can enjoy certain things in moderation while still finding recovery. In my OA reading last night, I am thinking that it's the food telling me that lie. That I am going to have to give up some things I enjoy because I am addicted to them, or because they are trigger foods.

So today, I made a food plan, and have already shopped for and planned out my food for the next week. Sunday through Saturday. 

Breakfast: Protein shake with 1/2 c. greek yogurt, 1.5 c. almond milk, 1 scoop chocolate protein powder, 1 tbs instant coffee. (I've decided that using coffee creamer full of sugar is not a good idea. So I am going to have my coffee this way. It's kind of like an iced coffee when I add ice.)

Lunch: Smart Ones entree (under 300 cal) and a 100 cal Greek Yogurt with fruit (under 10 grams of sugar). 1-2 servings of fruit. (watermelon or strawberries)

Dinner: Salad greens with bell pepper, 3 oz. baked/grilled chicken breast, 1/4 c. shredded cheese, 3 tbs of blue cheese or ranch dressing. 1-2 servings of fruit. (watermelon or strawberries)

No more than 3 servings of fruit per day.
No more than 10 grams of sugar in anything.
Besides the Smart Ones, no added sugar or white flour. Sweets are definitely the issue, but the yogurt or fruit usually don't cause any issues. 

Like I said, I have already grocery shopped, and anticipating a busy week next week with having standardized state testing and crazy schedules with work there are no excuses not to do well. I have a refrigerator at work so leaving my food at home is no excuse. I have Adkins low-carb shakes at work so if for some reason I can't make my breakfast, I will substitute it with that.

I am sorry that I have not been checking in like you said I have to. I promise that if you will give me another chance I will follow the rules. And if you don't want to be my sponsor anymore, I understand that, too. I need to get "clean". I need to find peace when it comes to food. I am ready to put the food down and take it one day at a time until the "need" to keep certain foods in my life diminishes. I know it will... I've been 90 days clean before. I've proven that I can get through holidays... I just need to prove that I can get through real life.

Thank you for all you do.


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Update and more Smart Ones reviews!

I am not even mad that I'm still not doing my usual meal-prepping. I told a friend just yesterday that I am still enjoying my Smart Ones meals every day for lunch. It's so convenient to grab and go each morning. NO EXCUSE not to have a good, pre-labeled meal at school. I have ventured out from my usuals lately and have three more favs...

This one I especially like because it tastes like a loaded baked potato! Nice and cheesy!

A week or so ago I decided to get really strict with weighing/measuring my food and counting calories again. Today is day 10 and I'm already down about 9 lbs to 255.3 as of this morning. I find that if I stick to the Smart Ones for lunch (and sometimes dinner) because the calories are already counted, then weigh/measure everything else I will get an accurate number. I found that I had to admit I was guestimating a lot more than I thought. Classic portion distortion. I don't feel like I'm eating less, but I do feel like I'm more aware and making better choices.

Last weekend I attended a church wedding for the first time in my life. My kids and I had a great time, and I wore a red dress that's been hanging in my closet for 5 years. I briefly wore it back in 2009 after my divorce on a girls trip with my besties. Soon after the trip, it was too tight. But this weekend, it fit well and I felt really good. 

Small choices definitely add up. I will keep pushing forward!

In the spirit of full-disclosure, I’ve partnered with the Smart Ones brand and received compensation for my participation in the clean slate project (cleanslate.com). However, all opinions given here are fully my own.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Staying the course...

If there is one thing that I've learned on this journey, it's that preparation is key to success. I knew that this first week back to work would be hectic, so I made sure I had plan as far as what I would be eating. I didn't have time for my usual meal prep this weekend, and honestly, I just didn't want to. I'm tired of the usual "healthy" meals that I can fix ahead of time. So I headed to the grocery and stocked up on Smart Ones entrees. They were on sale this week for under $2, so I'm thinking I probably even saved money by going this route.

Now, my favorite is the Three Cheese Ziti Marinara, but I actually grabbed a few other kinds to try... just for variety.

I really liked the Mini Rigatoni with Vodka cream sauce. Definitely a new favorite!

I also like the Santa Fe Style Rice and Beans. Another one to add to my list.

My exercise has been great this week, so now if I can only stay the course and eat a sensible dinner each evening I'll feel so good about things, even if the scale isn't moving. I know I'm making healthier choices, and I'm TRYING and not giving up. I have to believe that the sum of all my efforts will eventually add up to something great.

In the spirit of full-disclosure, I’ve partnered with the Smart Ones brand and received compensation for my participation in the clean slate project (cleanslate.com). However, all opinions given here are fully my own.