Monday, March 18, 2013

Hitting a wall...

This morning, I really felt compelled to write... to pour out all my frustrations and to get out my feelings via this blog.

I'm frustrated. I've hit a wall. 

A plateau? So soon?

I mean, I knew that getting past 270 would be hard, but hell... I can't permanently stay away from 280!

Two weeks ago, I dipped down to 278. I was thrilled! But just a few days later, the scale was back at 283. I laughed it off... I'd had a little too much to drink at Bunco, ate some salty dip. But no biggie. Lots of water and clean eating would have that 5 lbs off in no time! Right?

Um... no. The scale has been between 280-281 for over a week.

What. The. Hell?

Thing is... I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. I have kicked up my exercise... instead of 3-4 days per week, I'm exercising 5-6 days. It may not be at the gym, but I'm hiking, walking, and even doing Wii Fit. I'm drinking plenty of water. I'm eating clean. I'm still sugar-free and mostly low-carb. Eating fruit, veggies and lean meat. I've cut my wine intake to a couple of days a week when I've had a very low-carb day. I have cut down on eating out.

But the scale still won't budge.

But... I'm getting to the point where I don't care what the damned thing says.

I KNOW that I've made permanent changes that are positively impacting my overall health. My size 18/20 clothes still fit. Not just from Lane Bryant, but from other stores (I went to try on clothes to make sure). I FEEL amazing... I don't get out of breath, my indigestion/heart burn is gone. My self-esteem is up. And I just feel better about myself and my life. I'm happy.

But the scale pisses me off. It makes me doubt. It makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong? Will the weight loss just STOP? What if eating healthy and exercise isn't enough?

Right now, I'm happy with my overall diet. I eat clean. I'm satisfied. No sugar cravings or binging. I could truly eat like this for the rest of my life. But what if it's not enough? Do I need to starve myself, or do something else extreme? I really don't want to... I want this to be enough. I know I can keep this up, and everything else just leads to failure.

I don't want to fail at this. Never again.

So as of TODAY, I'm putting the scale away for a little while. I don't need the doubt and negative feelings.

I am going on vacation tomorrow, and that itself makes me feel a little unsure. I don't PLAN on eating bad, but it's hard when you're on the road with four kids and your food is not entirely in your control. I'm taking plenty of meal bars and healthy snacks. I'm not entirely worried, but I am going to be careful. My one rule and guideline that I will not break is no sweets, no bread. Those rules help me stay in control. Otherwise, I will have fun and won't be stressed about food.

Honestly, the food part doesn't rule my life anymore. But why do I still let the scale and that stupid number get to me? Habit, I guess. The scale should be a tool... that's it. But for me, it's so much more. And I have to get a grip on that. But I'm really disappointed that I probably won't meet my 10-lb goal for March...

I found out a few days ago that a good friend of mine has cancer. My heart breaks for her and her sweet family. But it is just one more reminder that life is short, and it's not guaranteed. Good health should not be taken for granted. At the end of the day, this journey is about health. Mental and physical health. It's not abot wearing a size 10, or getting to a certain number on the scale. It's about being healthy enough to live he fullest life I can for ME. It's about loving myself enough to make sacrifices and to get control of bad habits that I've carried around for a lifetime. I'm worth it. Finally, I see that.

So, with my true intentions in mind and reaffirmed, I am going to enjoy my vacation. I am going to LIVE and remember that I now lead a healthy lifestyle. I'm going to pay attention to the food I use to fuel my body. And I'm going to move as much as possible (there's a gym at my hotel!). Next week, I'm going to continue to eat clean, drink my water, and exercise. I'm going to pay attention to my food and eliminate the occassional salty snacks and diet soda. I'm going to increase the amount of veggies I eat, and continue to drink plenty of water.

I will not be discouraged. And I believe that I can get past this plateau.


  1. The plateaus are the worst.

    I know, like you, I've made positive changes.. that I am a healthier person...

    But, sometimes the scale just doesn't reflect that.

    I try hard.. And there are days that I just feel like eating the healthy portion isn't enough... My body starts screaming that I AM STARVING myself...

    I know it isn't true.. I know it's my body rebelling against the lack of sugar, carbs, and crap....

    I just keep chugging along.
    I keep trying different exercises, and just being more active..

    One day... I'll get close to my goal...

    But, Forever, I will be healthy.

    It's just kind of nice to hear that I'm not alone...

    ~Kateri Von Steal

  2. That is exactly why I put my scale away and am weighing monthly right now! It helps to look at the big picture and not focus on the numbers. Of course, if you go off plan the scale is necessary to be sure we don't go off the rails... but if you are staying on plan, feeling great, fitting into your clothes, why let the scale undo your happiness? So I think you made a good choice to put it away for a bit :)

    Have a great time on vacation!

  3. Scales are the worst! I try to put away my scale but it's so hard! Have you taken measurements? Just because the scale isn't moving, doesn't mean you aren't getting leaner and tighter. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she gets through this fight and that they caught it early. Enjoy your vacation!

  4. I know how you feel it was all going so well up until last Wednesday for me. It sucks! The scale is moving fractionally, but I am scared that this week there will be a gain and so with that in mind rather being negative and putting all my hopes on the scale. I may take a break from the scale.

    But that is also a scary prospect to me. So I am stuck. I think it's brave to get rid of the scale, but I am not sure if that will be worse than keeping it!

    I hope the scale starts reflecting your hard work soon Hollie :D Good Luck in your endevour to shift more weight the healthy way like you have been doing!

  5. Hey Hollie! This is something I was talking about just the other day. You have to decide what's best for you. Some people need to be on the scale every day, every week, every month etc. I can't use the scale, I get upset with the number, whether it's high or low, because it's never good enough and then I go eat my emotions. Now I go by measurements and clothes and I'M HAPPY! Which is the most important thing :) Keep up the amazing work!

  6. Hi Holly,

    I've been following your blog for a while, and I've been in plateau hell before. I've lost 185 lbs (with another 85 lbs to go), so I think I'm qualified to advise. I live and die by my scale because it lets me know how to adjust my diet daily.

    It appears that you may need to make some temporary adjustments to your diet to get you over the plateau hump. It's not popular, but I added greens, lentils, and cottage cheese and 10 lbs came off in about two weeks. I'm back to getting my normal foods and losing weight again. The scale is your friend. Good luck!

  7. I know exactly what its like to look at the scale and see the same number for days on end! I hit a plateau as well and havent lost any weight in two weeks. Its really frusterating, but like you I am trying to stay focused and continue to keep eating healthy! Eventually the scale will budge!

  8. hey, don't worry too much about the scale. If you put in the effort it has to budge.we all focus a lot on the scale and other small victories that we make along the way are forgotten, I won't say the scale is not important but the other victories like making healthier choices or working out more regularly are a lot more important because that shows it's becoming a lifestyle :)

  9. I should put the scale away, too.
    iIt is so frustrating to see the numbers going higher....
    I'm way too addicted to my scale :D

  10. Hi Hollie
    I'm new to your blog. I love to read your experiences as I am currently working on losing weight myself. I figured out from my past tries over the years that the scale can kill your motivation. I am trying to get down on having a look once a week because checking everyday makes me expect too much.
    Another point to mention is that when you're exercising so much you'll grow muscles. That's a good thing but muscles weigh more than what you're trying to lose. So stick to it because that will pay a lot. When you're over that plateau it'll kick you even more.


  11. Hey Hollie. This is the first time I have read your blog and I must say, it definitely hits close to home. I too am a scaler; ie, I start my diet on Monday and I'm on that scale by Thursday as if the I will drop the miracle 20. I too get weight loss happy. For instance, if I hit my magic 120 number, I think that chocolate cake and pizza should be my reward. Before you know it, I'm back up again cuz I cannot control it. I often workout, well let me stop lying, I had been working out and what was meant to be a 2 day break turned into a 2 month hiatus and I am so upset. Anyways, when I workout I give it my all. If my clothes are not drenched, I feel like I did not put what I should into it. When I get on the scale and see a higher number at times, I freak out and forget that muscle weighs more than anything. No matter how many trainers, nutritionists, people tell me that, to me that number is all that matters and when I am noty satisfied with the digits I take the break until I finally give up and get right back to where I am currently...#unhappy #unhealthy #unenergized

    I am a fix it quick type of gal, therefore, I will do crazy fad diets that help me lose 20-30 in one month. Do they work? Yup. How long does it last? Long enough before I'm craving Burger King. lol I just want to be able to be at a comfortable weight and get there in a healthy way. It seems from what I have read that you are well on your way to a fabulous physique through healthy living and I commend you. I surely hope when I start up again in April I can actually take your words and advice. I most definitely will stay posted onto your blog now and I thank you for opening my eyes. I now feel I can forget about my previous hashtags and create new ones in the end like I know you will...#revitalized #refreshed #restored.

    Thanks for your amazing blog and I wish you nothing but the best in reaching your goals. I'm right behind ya.

    Stephanie :-)

    P.S. Don't count your friend out just yet. She is in my prayers and I hope you can use your story to inspire her and serve as proof that never giving up is always key.

  12. I really appreciate your posts! Thank you for your vulnerability. I read your posts and I feel like you really know how I am feeling. I would like to say I have been on a plateau for the last year..... but if I am as honest as you - I would have to say I am not trying enough! A few years ago I lost 50 pounds, I am happy to say they have stayed off, but I still need to lose over 100 pounds so I need to kick it into gear again! Thanks for posting - just reading it, gives me encouragement!

  13. Your blog is truly inspirational! When the going gets tough just keep going. I admit that I weigh myself daily, but i also do measurements weekly and go with how I'm feeling overall and how my clothes fit me. Enjoy your vacation :-) Best Wishes.

  14. Good for you but know you have support here when it gets tough

  15. I finally had to put my scale away! For the last 2 months I have been on an amazing journey with Advocare, my results have been amazing but the scale doesn't always show that! I finally had to just start going by the way that I feel and how my clothing is fitting so much better:)

  16. Sometimes that scale can be your best friend and then other times she's a real bitch. I think you've made a good choice to put it aside as long as you plan to stay on track with out it. If you know you are making the right choices then things will naturally fall into place. (It's so easy to say that from the outside looking in.)Have fun on your vacation!

  17. Hitting a plateau is so difficult especially to the new positive frame of thinking. I can tell you from my personal experience I just got over a 3-4 week plateau. Mine I believe had a big part in traveling and getting off my strict diet and exercise routine.Interruptions like that can throw your body off. But after gaining 4 pounds then losing back to the bottom number I couldn't get past it. So I upped my resistance and work out and went "drill Sargent" on my meals and snacks; I lost 5 pounds from the plateau. It's like my body caught up with me after 3-4 weeks of nothing. From what I have read in researching is this:
    When you first start diet and exercise from your heaviest your slow metabolism gets a kick in the rear. Your body goes into over drive from the sudden change and you drop a significant amount of weight. When your body's metabolism finally adjusts to the initial weight loss your body's metabolism starts to slow again. Its getting used to the new routine which causes a plateau. So if you ramp up the resistance on your work out routine or add some strength training your body its being challenged once again. So your body will start to lose again. It sounds like a vicious cycle in the weight loss world. However its good to know for when you get to your goal weight you will know how to maintain your goal weight. Hang in there Its so frustrating I know!


  18. A scale definitely has it's ups and downs, that's for sure. I remember the day when I was almost addicted to weighing myself. The first thing in the morning and didn't dare weigh after I had anything to eat. Now as I have gotten older I have noticed a lot of changes no matter if you weight goes up or we enter the saggy stage of life. Needless to say, haven't stood on a scale for over a year now. Feels kind've good that it no longer has that power over me as it once did. Now it's more how do I feel, am I happy, do I want to do things and if the answer is yes why do I need a scale? :)

  19. Hi Hollie,

    You might want to consider cutting BACK the exercise a little bit and focus more on sleep and see if that does the trick to get you past your plateau.

    It sounds like a dumb suggestion because nobody ever recommends that, but try it and see :)


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