Wednesday, August 1, 2012

What day is it?

I knew that all hell would break loose when school started, and I was right! It's been so busy for the last 3 days. Yes... we are already back to school. Our school year started on July 30!

Although I've packed my gym clothes all three days I've yet to make it. I really WANT to get back into a routine, but its so hard right now. I didn't leave my classroom until 6:15 today, then had to rush home and feed my kids. Craziness.

Well, through all the madness, I've pretty much decided to join Weight Watcher's. Again. I know it's a shift in gears, but hey... what else would you expect from me!?!? Seriously, I've tossed the thought around for about a month, and after about five people close to me encouraged me to try it again, I started to think about it. It has worked for me in the past. I have NEVER felt like I'm on a diet with WW... which could be good or bad. But I need a plan.

I have fell off the wagon big time. The no-sugar plan backfired in my face... again. I hated it, I tried, and I hated it even more. I didn't have energy to work out. I was sad and unhappy. My mood was terrible. Yes, I know these are all withdrawal symptoms... but I just can't deal with depression right now. Too much going on.

So I thought that I could relax just a little bit. What a joke. I was in a full-out binge by Sunday night that had me up all night sick as a dog. Without time to think for the past three days, it's been hard to recover. But today was a good day, and I plan on trying to keep on that path.

I know I am sick. My brain is just so screwed up when it comes to weight loss. This summer's failed attempt at fitness and weight loss REALLY hit me hard. I tried so hard, and still couldn't make it happen. Just typing it has me almost in tears. I wanted so badly for the Body by Vi to work because I really love the product. I wanted so badly to see results from so much time spent in the gym. I'm so let down.

But since quitting is not an option, I have to keep going. But I NEED A STRUCTURED PROGRAM. People with the best intentions tell me that it's just about eating clean and staying process-food-free. But it's so much more than that. So much more. I am disordered when it comes to eating. And I think my body has just gave up, too.

I am going to try to pick up insurance during open enrollment in October so I can go see a doctor. I really think I have something medical going on with my thyroid or metabolism. My efforts this summer should have worked. But they didn't.

Until then, I need to get out of this diet mindset or I am going to lose my damned mind. I am tired of deprivation. Yes, I am addicted to sugar, but I need a 12-step program... I can't just quit cold turkey! Not now, at least. I have to be able to function.

I think Weight Watcher's couldn't hurt. I haven't tried the new plan, but when I put it out on FB that I was considering starting, I got a lot of positive feedback. I've tried everything else... I might as well try something that's worked in the past.

The only thing I am still hung up on is whether or not to do online or meetings. I do not like meetings, but they may provide more support? Will I get accountability online? Online is definitely cheaper...

I am also going to join my new gym this week, so hopefully that will be a good move, too. It's super close to my house, so I think I'll be more likely to run back out for a quick workout than I am now. My current gym is close to my job, but far enough from home that I am usually not willing to drive back across town once I'm already at home. Plus, the hours at the new gym are MUCH better. Open earlier and close later. Gotta love that.

Sorry for the ramble, but I am so brain-dead I'm surprised I even posted. I will hopefully have better news the next time I check in.

For now, I am going to close with this pic my friend Elizabeth shared on my FB wall today. Love it.


  1. ugh gotta love school. My classes start August 23rd, I'm going for my bachelor's degree! the past 2 years have been stressful at community college, now I'm going to big kid school :) lol I know I'm gonna get overwhelmed at some point!!

    If weight watcher's has worked in the past, then go for it! You have to do what works for you!! Everybody is different.

    When you can, definitely go see the doc & have them do a blood draw & check your thyroid and what not, and hormones too. It could be any number of things. Hopefully it's nothing serious or major.

    And maybe look into seeing a counselor or something like that? I say this because a couple years ago I was incredibly messed up after a bad break up, and therapy was amazing. I'd recommend it to anybody. I went to group therapy a couple of times per week for a few months, and every now and then individual therapy. Basically, with the food thing, they'll help you work out whether your goals are reasonable, help you stay on track, be someone to talk to, and get down to why you have issues with food and what not.

    Or... lol I just realized, that's basically what a blog is for too and much cheaper than therapy lol.

    keep your head up. After dinner with your kids, have everyone go for a walk around the block... or go play outside, or go to the park. It's not an hour session in the gym, but it's exercise :) and fun too!

  2. It is not enough to take steps which may some day lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise.

  3. "Success is not final...failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts" ~ Winston Churchill

    Keep on keeping on and you will find a way that works...I know you will you are very determined!

  4. Hi Holly :)
    I have also struggled with weight issues my whole life and have just started a plan to make a change. I love how openly you speak about how you feel and its definitely an inspiration to me. I have just started my own blog for the same reason.
    Ive got a serious sweet tooth and can eat sweets and chocolate all day, so trying to discipline myself is no easy task! I totally relate to how you feel when you say your brain is screwed up about weight loss.
    I really wish you SO much luck with your journey.

  5. Hi Hollie, I also have been struggling with weight issues my whole life. Ive gone through every diet that came across my path and always just fell off and my problem got worse. I have a terrible sweet tooth and can eat chocolate everyday of my life, and for a long time i did! I totally relate to where you say your brain is screwed up when it comes to weight loss. its such a difficult thing to do! I love your post and how you express what you are feeling and going through. I have just started a blog for the same reason.
    I wish you all the luck in the world with weight watchers, and your journey :)

  6. I know we dont know eachother, but your blog is very inspiring to me.

    If WW worked for you in the past, definitely seek it again!

    My mom and myself tried it before and it worked very well for us.. I suggest attending the meetings, because if your anything like me, I need that meeting to hold me accountable. I dont particularly enjoy going to them, but in the long run I know that online doesnt force me to be on track.

    We've talked about going back numerous times, and I know it'd be better if we do, but summers been so crazy. Maybe once it slows down it'll be in our cards- but.. is that just yet another excuse.

    Best wishes.

  7. I know we dont know eachother, but your blog has inspired me..

    If WW has worked for you before, then I think you should seek it again.

    My mom and I did it before, and it worked really well for us. Once we stopped attending meetings, I went down hill again. I found going to the meetings held me much more accountable then I knew doing it online would. So do what will work best for you- but make sure it'll actually be worth your time. If online isnt going to hold you to it- your time is just as important sitting in a meeting! :)

    Best Wishes

  8. Hey Hollie. Thank you for posting this.

    I don't know if you want to hear this right now or not, but take heart. Quantum physics tells us that an unwanted experience and a wanted experience are just two different perspectives of the same thing. In other words, if you choose to, you can see that you're not as far from feeling "successful" as you might imagine.

    That, by the way, is meant to be taken literally. Not as a "feel-good philosophy" and not metaphorically.

    Shifting perspective, by telling different stories, changes the world we see. Literally.

    I'm not suggesting that you should pretend you feel good when you don't. Sometimes I've found that I need to own feeling bad feelings before I can shift my perspective. And, in the end, I've often found gratitude for those bad-feeling experiences if, for no other reason, than they were the motivating pain that got me to do something different. And they've also always shown me very clearly want I don't want in my life!

    We're on your side and rooting for you. Just remember that you don't have to "make up" for yesterday. I hope you find some relief in this present moment, because I believe, like the rest of us, you have everything you need right here and right now.

  9. Hi, I just recently found your blog and I'm hooked. :)

    No sugar is not for everybody, I can't do it too. I just try to reduce. But not be too strict or otherwise everything falls apart!

    Sorry to hear about your recent struggle, but try to get back to the routine as quickly as you can, it's easier now than after a very long time.

    Keep going, I believe you can do this :)

  10. It's not about restriction it is all about finding what works for you and working it! Don't feel bad be encouraged that you're still going! It's not the destination the real beauty of transformation is in the journey. Keep going!

  11. I'm joining Weight Watchers soon too! I've never done it before but I'm looking forward to it. Similar to your experience, lots of people I know have raved about it, and everyone around me is very supportive of my decision to give it a try. Will be sending you positive vibes as we both take this step!

  12. thank you for this informations.
    read more on my blog

  13. Hi Hollie! I'm working on losing 121 pounds. One thing that has been very effective for me is putting on muscle. My metabolism was in the toilet until I started strength training. All those muscle cell use energy 24/7. It has really helped.
    I am a nursing student and a mom of three. The gym doesn't work for me. I work out at home using DVD's.

  14. Hi Hollie, how have the past few days been for you, since this post? Hope you are doing ok! Have you joined WW?

  15. Hi Hollie,

    Good luck with your effort! Just as a note, sharing your progress with and receiving support from others probably helps you reach goals (it's actually scientifically proven!)

    For your fitness planning and for logging / sharing your workouts, I wanted to propose that you try - it's a free, super-easy and visual web motivator that allows you to log workouts (any kind of workout - choose from 400+ types from your favorite zumba to mowing the lawn ;), share workouts with your friends (inside the service or on Twitter / Facebook), create groups, and even get a free, automated, personalized training program based on your personal expectations.

    The whole service is based on three levels of motivation:
    - personal - (seeing progress yourself)
    - social - your friends and family supporting you with virtual rewards and comments
    - game elements - reaching higher levels and unlocking new virtual rewards.

    We have huge amounts of user testimonials about weight loss with the help of our service and friends signing up to support each other.

    Try it & let us know what you think!

    Jussi / HeiaHeia

  16. I became inspired by your blog. I recently (July) started WW as well and so far it hasn't been that hard. I even after being inspired started my own blog to share my experience. it is Thank you for being an inspiration to me. :)



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