Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Peace :)

Ever since I have "come clean" about my struggles with binging, I have went through a lot of emotions. First, I felt guilt, and some depression. I felt like I was letting everyone down - including myself. Then there was this feeling of overwhelming sadness. I just kept asking myself - "Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why can't I stop?"

Yesterday, though - after just making it through ONE day with no binging - not by accident - but because I had made that CHOICE - I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

I woke up this morning almost feeling - empowered? For some reason - I just KNEW I was going to have a good day. Even when the scale told me I was back up to 300.4, I just said to myself, "Not for long..." I didn't even let it upset me.

It is 10:08 p.m., and I have all the lunches packed, various papers filled out for tomorrow, and I am ready to call it a night.  Today has been a good day.

Work was pretty quiet. I came home to a brand new heart rate monitor (I ordered it last week...) and a prize that I won on It's Not a Diet, It's a Weigh of Life. It's one of the Yoplait Goddess gift packs. It looks nice, but I have to admit the wrap-around towel made me giggle... I might wrap around one of my thighs! BUT I will put it up in hopes of wearing it one day in the future! I am MOST excited about my heart rate monitor, though. I can't wait to try it out!

I PLANNED on getting a walk in today - but that didn't happen. I had so many errands to run after school today, that I ended up having just enough time to cook dinner by 7 p.m. Then it was dark and I needed to get the kids settled for bed. There is just not enough hours in the day sometimes. And tomorrow afternoon is going to be crazy too - but after 5 p.m. Between 4 p.m. (when I get home) and 5 p.m. (when I have to leave for soccer) I am going to get a walk in if it kills me! The weather is warming back up and I just feel like moving!

Today's food has been good, too. I tried something different today (strawberries, granola, Greek yogurt) and it was really good! I got in my protein smoothie for breakfast, and I can see how it makes all the difference. I drank WAY too much coffee today - I have to get better with that.

smoothie (protein powder, 2 c. spinach, 4 frozen strawberries, 1/2 c. frozen blueberries, 1 tbs flax seed oil, splash of almond milk, 1 c. water)
coffee w/ sugar - free creamer
ham & cheese sandwich on wheat w/ 1.5 sl. turkey bacon
1 pirogi (sp?) 
coke zero
2 chicken fajitas w/ sour cream, reduced fat cheese, and black beans
a few yogurt covered raisins (realized I was grazing and STOPPED eating them)
Greek yogurt w/ strawberries and granola
1 c. grapes
strawberries w/ slice of angel food cake
fat-free whipped cream

I just have to mention two blog posts that I found profound today...

All I have to say is... wow.


  1. Way to go Hollie!! Some times, we just have to smack ourselves in the head with days like today. :)

  2. Hi there, it sounds like you really have the willpower to get where you need to be. I had to laugh about that towel, at least you took it as an encouragement, I would probably have been discouraged by it.

    I just started my own fitness blog, as I seriously need to get started. In less than two months I will be sitting by the pool side with my two skinny sister-in-laws....yes I definitely need to get started.

    I would love it, if you would check out my journey. You can find me at:

    The Fit & Frugal Challenge

  3. Thanks for the links to some new blogs, and keep up the good work!

  4. Staving off a binge is HARD. I completely understand. And, when you successfully don't binge, it's a major success! Congrats to you. Remember the feeling!!

  5. it is cathartic and feels good to expose ourselves sometimes. Each day is a struggle ya know? for some of us it will be a battle every day. We just have to keep fighting the good fight.

  6. Good for you! You feel empowered because you are taking control back of yourself! yippee! You can do it!

    On a side note...have you ever used any of the DVD's from Tony Little? I am a firm believer that his techniques really work. I lost 40 lbs on my own (before the dr put me on steroids and I ate 20 lbs back-but at least that took me a year to do!!!) :( At any rate, his DVD(i think it is called Total body express) is like 20 minutes, only 8 exercises and they work to build the muscles to speed your metabolism up so that you burn more calories just existing. LEt me know if you want more info. I probably sound like an infomercial but he is so motivational and I believe in his techniques. No pressure just thought I would throw it out there if you were looking for a quick workout to squeeze in here or there. Take care.


  7. Good for you, great willpower.

  8. I never really knew how good or bad food makes us feel. I like how I can eat a certain way to make sure that I'm giving everything to have a positive day.

  9. I like the Mary Ann Radmacher quote. It reminds me of a Sunday School lesson I had once.

    It speaks to that idea that failure is staying down and success is getting back up when you fall.

    Good work on the mental work on binging. It's tricky stuff, that mental work.

  10. Wow--I can't tell you how impressed (and inspired!) I am that you didn't let the scale get you down! It's always something like that that starts me on a binge. Good for you!

  11. Hi Hollie, I wanted to let you know that you are an inspiration to me. You work, go to school, have children, write a thoughtful and insightful blog, plus you are trying to do all the things necessary to lose weight and to improve your families health. Inspiring!! I am married, work full time and I too am on the same weight loss journey. But I also have other things I need to do. Recently I've put them off because I am just too tired. But today was different. All day I thought of you, how you manage to fit it all in and I thought if Hollie can do it, then I can do it. I have to tell you it made a difference in my day, I got a lot done. So thank you! Keep up the great work and don't ever, ever, ever give up! Hugs!!


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