Thursday, April 29, 2010

Eating Disorder?

No matter how many blogs or articles I read on binge-eating or compulsive eating, it still hasn't "clicked" in my head as an EATING DISORDER. Why? All the evidence seems to point that way.

I guess (maybe) it is because I have a hard time admitting to myself that I have an eating disorder.  I KNOW that I am addicted to food, but does this go along with having a binge-eating disorder? I came across this site today...

It defines binge-eating disorder as:
a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, overeating crosses the line to binge-eating disorder and it becomes a regular occurrence, shrouded in secrecy.
When you have binge-eating disorder you often have numerous behavioral and emotional signs and symptoms, such as:
  • Eating large amounts of food check!
  • Eating even when you're full check!
  • Eating rapidly during binge episodes
  • Feeling that your eating behavior is out of control check!
  • Eating a lot even though you're not hungry check!
  • Depression check!
  • Anxiety check!
  • Frequent dieting, possibly without weight loss check!
  • Frequently eating alone check!
  • Feeling depressed, disgusted or upset about your eating check!
After a binge, you may try to diet or eat normal meals. But restricting your eating may simply lead to more binge eating, creating a vicious cycle.
I think it may be saying something that I checked all but ONE out of that list...

I don't know if I feel relieved or discouraged. I have an addiction PLUS an eating disorder? I am so confused... (Any insight on this will be helpful.)


No binging today! I did have 1 1/2 slices of cake out of the teacher's lounge, but I savored it and it was good! And it didn't send me off the edge. After school got CRAZY because I had to stay late for an unexpected meeting. I ended up stopping for a pizza because we only had about 30 minutes before we had to leave for soccer. We only got 1 pizza, and we all had 2 slices. That's it. Really. The same family that could go through 2 pizzas PLUS breadsticks. And no one complained, and we were all satisfied. And as you can guess... NO WALKING. Damn!!!!!

Today's Food:
Smoothie (w/ 1.5 c. spinach, 1/2 c. blueberries, 3 strawberries, 1 scoop whey protein, 2 tbs. coconut butter)
2 large cups coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
2 chicken fajitas (w/ sour cream, reduced fat cheese, black beans)
diet Mt. Dew
1 c. strawberries
2 slices peperoni pizza
coke zero
1 1/2 slices orange cake
1 bag kettle corn
1 c. strawberries 
small slice of angel food cake
fat-free whipped cream
76 oz. water

 And for tomorrow?

Well... I think I may try to start tracking CALORIES. I have tracked all week so far (yay!), and tonight when I was packing lunches, I decided to go ahead and journal my food. Then I decided to go ahead and fill in all the numbers, since I had all the food packages out. If anything, I am just curious to see what the numbers are... with NO binging. Wish me luck!


  1. I had an eating disorder. I haven't binged in a long least a year...I called it an addiction at first and it did seem that way..the eating disorder/addiction/compulsive eating/binge eating was all the same beast. I stopped eating artificial sweeteners and cut my sugar intake to 15g a day or less from all sources and it really made a huge difference in my ability to eat like a normal human and I also lost weight which I don't even seem to care about so much as that I am now in a normal cycle with food. Good luck..oh and I would have checked them all off!

  2. Hi Hollie!

    You're doing so great with your food journaling! You make me want to make a fruit smoothie, but here in Montana it snowed all day today so I'm sticking to warmer foods.

    As for an eating disorder I can't really say but like you I certainly checked off a lot on that list as well. For me I think binging is a way of I can't control everything or everyone around me but I can control what I put in my mouth...unfortunately I've seen that it's really the food controlling me! But to justify it I tell myself these are decisions me and only me are making good or bad. From my view and things I've read its as much a food thing as a brain thing...which is much harder to tackle so I won't be throwing random advice out to you. I hope I gave you something to think about but I'm definitely no doctor just a fellow dieter.

    Also I wanted to say I have been dieting since I was in 2nd as well. And although I've only read a few of your post maybe we both need a tiny bit of time to just be kids without the worry! or at least learn to play and relax and move on like them. Keep it up with all your good work. I know you can do it!! I can't wait to read more about your success!

  3. I am right there with you. I could check off everyone of those things too. I'm not as obsessive with the eating anymore, but I could probably still check off all of those just the same. It's definitely hard to stay on track, but once I get into a healthy routine of exercise and portion control/healthy choices, it's easier. I think this is just something I'll always have to deal with though.

    Love your blog! Glad I found it :)

  4. I too have been struggling with compulsive eating and sugar binging for a long time and I've only just begun to understand that I really need to be conscious about everything I put in my mouth. So good for you for tracking your food all week. Hope the numbers look good!!!

  5. That's me as well. Any day I can control myself, I count as a success. Unfortunately, they're much less frequent than the binge-y days.

  6. Funny, just yesterday I was wondering what I feel that I have is an eating disorder or an addiction. I still don't know but I wish I did.

    I hate thinking about it because it makes me feel like everything I'm doing (the diet-change and exercise) is all for nothing until I can solve the real problem.

  7. can overcome this. I promise!

    If you cannot find the book by Julia Ross called "The Diet Cure" at your library....I will find one and mail it to you. Email me and I promise I will go find one and stick it in the mail.

    You need more protein (amino acids). I promise it will help. You are not getting enough each day and that, combined with the refined affecting your brain and its approach to food.

    This is an easy "starvation" diets or crazy calorie things are needed. Just wholesome healthy food and enough protein.

  8. I definitely have one. Food was a major source of comfort for me.

    I have started to deal with that understand that food is not my "friend" and it is not my "enemy". It is food. When I am down, I know that food will not be there for me. That box of Cheeze Its does not listen and only makes me hate myself more after I am done.

  9. Journaling has been eye-opening for me. It lets me see how much and how little food I actually eat.

  10. Yes, it definitely seems like an eating disorder. I would love to know the cure.

    I used to be borderline anorexic in high school, and it seems that it has just progressed into binge eating over the years.

  11. I've never had an eating disorder other than eating too much.

    A friend of mine works in food science and told me to stay CLEAR of Mountain Dew. Just thought I should pass that on :( They did some testing or something.

  12. I've always had problems with binging and stuffing myself full. I do believe it's an eating disorder because you are out of control to it. Almost a slave to the food. :(

  13. I don't like labeling things as disorders because I feel like it can potentially lead to that being a crutch, an excuse. However, I do acknowledge that binging is a negative and cyclic behavior. Did I do it in the past? Of course. If I didn't, I don't know how I would've gotten myself to 263 pounds. But for me personally, instead of labeling it as a disorder, I have been trying to go to the root of the problems and attack my mental state, the emotions and feelings that lead to my binge. I think that's the most important thing to do. Acknowledge a problem is there, but do so in order to fix it.

    I agree that binging leads to guilt, which is why I've been guilt-free this time. I will eat what I want and not feel bad about it! I find that when I don't have an "off-limits, bad food" list, I don't binge any more because there's no negative feelings associated with food.

    I don't know if this helps but it's my personal take on conquering binging. I've been there. I think most of us have.

  14. I think you know deep down. It is good to know so you can look at doing something with it.

    Before i got diagnosed with BED/CO I was looking for answers in the wrong places, like diets books and how to's. The food was never the issue. Once I realized what was going on I went to therapy and started to being the unraveling of it all.

    None of my weight loss would have happened without figuring that out first. It's while I failed so many times and this time I didn't.

    Keep digging and figure it out, it's worth every moment.

  15. Glad to hear you and your family are safe. Be careful tomorrow and in the coming days!

  16. This summer is when my eating disorder started, I didn't recognize it at first. I just didn't enjoy eating. Then I realized how unhealthy it was, I told friends and they said the same thing, yet I continued with it. I have gotten a lot better, but it's always there in the back of my mind. Just recently I had to write a paper about eating disorders and at first it was...very painful. It brought back memories, thoughts , and urges. But I desperately tried to stay strong, and I did. So when I saw this blog I had to read it, and you are very inspiring. You make me want to do better and self-care, you make me want to care about myself and what I'm doing to my body. Thank you so much, for hope and inspiration.

  17. I have been reading this blog and understand the issues related to weigh loss.


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