Monday, November 30, 2009


I am so confused about what to do about people who have been sticking advertising in my comments? Do I delete every one of them, or just let it ride? Any advise would be helpful...

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Wow, ya'll really like me, lol!

Just wanted to check in to let you all know I'm alive and still kicking. Still dealing with mood/depression issues, but things are better. Thanksgiving was a bust as far as eating goes... I had one plate of food and was so stuffed I contemplated vomiting to feel better. UGH! That pretty much killed it for me... I didn't even take leftovers.

My ex-in-laws came to visit Wednesday and left today, so I've been busy entertaining them. I enjoyed the visit, and think it's cool they still think enough of me and the kids to drive 12 hours to visit, but I'm glad to have a little peace. My house is destroyed and the laundry is high, so you know what I'll be doing for the rest of the day and tomorrow.

I took a 50 minute walk today to clear my head. The sun was out today, which was nice. Tomorrow is a new day and the food portion of my "holidays" is over. No more baking, no more birthdays... I'm done and ready to focus.

And by the way... I am tossing the scale until January 1. The damned thing makes me so mad and frustrated, and I am obsessing about it again. I don't need that right now, so its gone!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Happy Birthday, CJ...

Seven years ago today, I suffered a miscarriage. CJ was stillborn at 22 weeks gestation. It is still one of the worst experiences I've ever been through... For some reason I try to block out this day each year, but I never escape the sadness. On the bright side, God gave me a baby girl 3 years and 3 days later, and for that I am blessed. So, I've decided that instead of being sad, I will look forward to my baby turning FOUR on Saturday!

Today has been GREAT as far as eating goes. Again, I am eating good stuff and listening to my hunger cues. I tried baby carrots yesterday, and really love them with hummus - who knew? For breakfast I had a great smoothie, and for lunch lean turkey on whole wheat with baby carrots and hummus. I had an apple with peanut butter for a snack, and baked chicken, brocolli, and sweet potato fries for dinner.

Not being hungry helps so much - I feel more in control. When I got home tonight after picking my daughter up from tutoring and running to the grocery (for baby carrots!), I was changing out of my work clothes, and the next thing I knew I was on my way out the door for a walk. IN THE DARK, lol. I just felt like walking, so I did! I intended to walk around the neighborhood for about 30 minutes, but when I got home I discovered I had been walking for 55 minutes! I guess I just got in a zone...

The past couple of days has really been spent getting my "mind right". I really want to get back in touch with ME and start getting focused again. I am so important, and so worth the effort it takes to get healthy and lose weight. I am so blessed that I have been given the knowledge and tools for this journey. Now I just have to re-train my brain to stay focused on SUCCESS instead of all the other junk that gets in there, lol.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Moving forward...

If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. ~Buddhist Saying

I guess I need to keep on walking, because I have actually been doing great this week! This weekend was relaxing, but also very emotional. As most of you know, I have TERRIBLE luck with men and have just came out of a bad relationship. Well, I felt myself {{{FALLING}}} again and had to put the brakes on. I am not physically, mentally, or emotionally ready for a relationship at this time in my life. SO, thank goodness for my Brooke. She gave me friendship and refuge this weekend so I could officially GET OVER IT!

But self-reflection is good sometimes, and I had to remind myself that I need to stay focused on ME and love myself above all others. Selfish? Not at all. I can't be any use to anyone, not even my kids, if I don't love myself first. Maybe this was a switch that needed to be flipped on, but staying on plan has been easy for the past two days. No cravings, no urge for emotional eating.

I cleaned out my pantry and refrigerator last week, and made a trip to the grocery and stocked it with good stuff last night! I have plenty of fruits and veggies and good, clean food to eat now. The junk is officially gone! So, if there isn't bad stuff to eat, there is no temptation. I'm focused on getting this GAIN off me. Yes, I said GAIN! Last week I stepped on the scale for the first time in a while, and was devastated to find that I'd GAINED almost 12 lbs! What????

I don't know why it was a big surprise. I guess because my clothes still fit. I noticed a pair of my jeans being a little tight in the waist, but everything else was fine. But what did I expect with the bad eating habits that had crept back in, along with the weekend drinking and free-for-alls I'd been having. I am thankful the damage wasn't worse! SO, now I know where I'm at and what I need to do. And, I'm actually DOING it. I am not waiting until after Thanksgiving or the holiday season. I want to show myself that I can do this NO MATTER WHAT.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Bad day to good day!

I've had a bad day. Work was so stressful! My students have been nuts since we got back from Fall break, and today was just one thing after another! Then, after work I had to deal with my mother... I usually can avoid her when I pick up my baby girl after school by just sending another kid in to get her, but today I had to pee, so I went inside. Ugh - just going to her nasty a** bathroom puts me in a funky mood! Thankfully, my children are my source of love and happiness right now, so after I picked them all up and we headed home I felt much better.

After dinner, I logged on to blog, then found that I had been featured on Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone at You've gotta be kiddin' me, right? First of all, I guess I was MIA from blogging world long enough that I didn't know MizFit and DietGirl had teamed up and were now doing podcasts! Second of all, I can't believe they picked me for a "human headline." Just when I was feelin' like such a weight loss FAILURE.

See, the past couple of days have been bad as far as eating for me. I lost control yesterday when birthday cake was being passed around my classroom, and I still haven't quite pulled it together. Stress, stress, and stress - combined with being sick with a cold - have pushed me right off the wagon. I haven't even been to the gym this week. Even if I had the TIME, I have been coughing and sneezing so bad I think it's best not to go. With H1N1 so rampant around here, they'd probably kick me out.

But when I came home today, I was feeling like such a failure. I was gonna blog about it, and saw the comment from MizFit, and now I feel so much better. Not just for getting the shout-out, but for the motivation I got from the podcast! It was awesome! I love MizFit and read her blog daily via email - but I also love Shauna and relate to her on so many levels. I read her book right after it came out (The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl) and if anyone knows about the ups and downs of dieting and losing weight its her. If you haven't read this book you must.

Anyway, here is some amazing things I took away (Not exact quotes):

From Shauna - Its okay to have a down period, but you can get back on track when you're good and ready.

From Carla - It’s okay to be a quitter… find something you are better at so you can get to your ultimate goal!

I WILL NOT QUIT when it comes to weight loss, but I AM going to quit a lot of the other bad habits I have picked up over the past few months. This past weekend was the first weekend at home I've had in MONTHS. No liquor, early bedtimes, and exercise instead of getting drunk, staying out until the sun comes up, and eating fast food to cure a hangover. I feel so much better, too, physically. But mentally - that's another story.

But mentally, I will get there, too! Things could be so much worse. Yeah, things are tough and times are hard. But I will get through, and I will get through without GAINING WEIGHT. I will keep getting back on the wagon because being on it is better than being off it. This is a journey that I am not going to quit. I really don't have a choice!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Great to be back!

First things first! Woke up this morning STARVING! It felt so good to wake up in my own bed and go into my own kitchen to make a bowl of pumpkin oatmeal. AND the sun was shining! I knew it was gonna be a good day.

Right after breakfast I decided to work out. But since it was sunny and warm outside, I decided to skip the gym and go on a walk instead. I walked for an hour, and was wore out! I took a route where I knew there would be several hills, and boy did I feel them! But the walk was so pleasant... I love the pretty leaves you see on the trees during his time of year.

So right after I got back from my walk, one of my besties called and asked if I'd be interested in helping her clean her mom's house for some extra cash. Being that I am BROKE, I jumped at it. But before I left, I had a healthy lunch of shrimp, broccoli with reduced fat shredded cheese, and a few sweet potato fries (I love these). I forgot to take a picture, though. I figured if I had a healthy lunch, I would be less tempted to eat things I shouldn't while I was away from home.

My plan worked, because I wasn't hungry at all until we were done about 5 hours later. We scrubbed cabinets, hung curtains, and shampooed the floors. I might as well just went and worked out again! Man, I am TIRED and SORE!

On the way home, my friend suggested we eat sushi for dinner. When I told her I'd never had sushi, she insisted we go. Since I had always heard sushi could be low fat and low cal, I thought it would be a healthy choice. I took some pictures, because I have NO IDEA what I had, lol. I let her pick and surprise me. Overall, I liked it. I requested no raw meat, and know that a couple of the rolls had salmon or crab. And I do know we had California rolls, too.

Will I eat it again? Maybe....

I'm off to bed. I have plans for church in the morning, and also getting in some gym time if my body cooperates!

Friday, November 6, 2009


Ok... so after reading over my last post, I decided that I sounded like someone that was just about to make a turn for the better, but that was making excuses and procrastinating! After some major drama with a friend yesterday, and after already feeling like the "time" had come, I have decided to DO THE DAMNED THING! I have the tools and resources, all I need now is the self-determination and willpower to make it happen. Its time to return to WEIGHT LOSS MODE.

After tonight, my cabinets will be cleaned out and ready to stock with good, healthy food. I have written out both a meal plan AND workout schedule. I have also cleared my weekends for a while. Party time is OVER. Its time to focus and be disciplined. That's not to say I will not go out, but weekends away from home are going to be a thing of the past for a while. In order to do this 100%, I need to be home and on a good schedule. Having unstructured, free-for-all weekends are not good for weight loss. The way I look at it, I've been kicking it and having fun for MONTHS. Now its time to get back to reality.

SO... Get ready to see a lot more of me on here. I am going to really use this blog as an accountability tool. Pretty soon, I am gonna share a really big part of my weight loss journey that I have kept quiet about for a while.

A good friend of mine told me yesterday that it was time to be RELENTLESS! I LOVE THAT WORD! I am WARRIOR WOMAN, right? And true warriors fight until they win! Or in my case, LOSE!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Walking around in the dark?

Does anyone wake up early to walk? Even when its dark outside? And cold?

I know SOMEONE out there HAS to do this... I think it may just be my new exercise routine? The walk I took on Monday has my WHOLE body hurting - which means it was a good walk! There were several big hills, and the intermittent running was great. I was brainstorming today, trying to come up with ideas of a fitness routine that would a. fit my busy schedule and b. I would be able to live with... I remember having a friend that got up every morning at 5 a.m. and went for a walk. Didn't matter if it was dark, raining, snowing - whatever - she would walk. Along with Weight Watchers, she lost a ton of weight and as far as I know has kept it off. I think I could just do it! I live in a rural suburban town, in a decent neighborhood - so I wouldn't be that concerned with safety. I would have to bundle up on cold mornings, but once I got moving it shouldn't be so bad, right?

So... then I was also thinking that my fall semester will be over in 4 weeks. After that, I can go to the gym 4 days a week instead of just 2 days. And if I actually start staying home one the weekends instead of going out, I can open up 3 MORE days to work out...

Speaking of going out... I know my good times are gonna have to stop. For a while, at least. I do so well during the week, but after a night of drinking and partying every Friday, Saturday is wasted on recovery (and maybe going out again). By Sunday I'm trying to get it together to go back to work. My weekends are fun, but not helping my weight loss efforts AT ALL. I can feel the party train coming to a stop - for a while at least. Maybe I'm getting it out of my system? Maybe the cold weather has me wanting to stick closer to home? Maybe I'm ready to start practicing some discipline and do what I KNOW I need to do to lose weight?

That also has a lot to do with why I want to move back to Nashville. I am so far away from everything where I live now, that when I do drive down to Nashville on Fridays to spend the weekend, its almost like I'm "out of town" for real. I'm staying somewhere that I don't have my normal food, I don't have an exercise plan...etc. But if I actually LIVED in Nashville, I could go out on Friday night and come back home and get right back on plan Saturday morning. I would be close to my bestie so we could walk every day (or most days). I would basically be able to have friends and still be able to have "normal" weekends at home.

My friends and our weekend outings have been an escape for me throughout this ordeal with my divorce. Not only does it allow me to have fun and have time out away from my kids, but its so much fun to dress up and feel good about myself when I go out. When I was married, I was so isolated from EVERYONE. That's why we live out in the country, because my ex wouldn't have it any other way. So since me AND my kids have a blast on our weekends away from home, I haven't really tried to change anything. But now, I know deep down its time to get back to reality. I really have to step up my game and get back into weight loss mode.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Still moving forward...

I'm still here! Been meaning to blog, but Ive been doing weird stuff like GOING TO BED EARLY, lol. Ive cut my Internet time way down over the past couple of weeks. It seems like my days go by pretty fast, and I'm now so tired at bedtime. And its only got worse since the time changed. So, I'm listening to my body and sleeping. After suffering from insomnia for so long, I guess sleep is long overdue.

I've been doing well as far as eating - not perfect, but I'm getting there. The scale is still stuck, but oh, well. My exercise still needs to get on track... I went to the gym Mon and Tues last week, but that's it. I struggle with waking up on time anyway, so waking up early is going to be a challenge. I skipped the gym yesterday in favor of going walking with my bestie. She just moved back from Texas about 6 weeks ago. We both had babies in 2005, and both had previously lost a ton of weight. And we both gained back everything we lost. We are now the same size, and both of us are trying to push each other to stay on track. It's nice to have someone to team up with! We walked around her neighborhood, and even RAN a little. There were some tough hills, and we felt great afterward.

The gym was a struggle today. I guess it had a lot to do with all the Halloween candy I ate at work today. I felt like sh*t, but still made myself go. I did 15 minutes of weights, and 45 minutes on the elliptical.

My monthly horoscope (which is always surprisingly accurate) said that I need to begin a fitness regimen on 11/16. I think it said something like my "body will be toned in ways that I can't imagine." Since I keep bouncing around the "get up early" idea, so I think it might be time to JUST DO IT. Especially since Ive actually been going to bed early. I'll keep ya updated on that one...