Thursday, October 22, 2009

I'm trying...

Well, I think today was a little better. I seem to be able to "fake it till I make it" until I get home. Then it just goes downhill. My house is a disaster, and I have no drive or energy to get it cleaned up. It's just a mess, and I feel overwhelmed. I am unhappy here... and I know that's why I never want to stay here anymore. The more I'm at home, the worse it gets. But I really don't have any choices in that area right now.

I started taking my supplements again today, and added Vitamin D. Someone commented the other day on here about how that might help, so I've been researching it for the past few days.

"Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is a situational mood disorder brought on by decreasing daylight in the winter months. High doses of vitamin D during these months have proven to be a very effective natural remedy for SAD, leading most practitioners to believe that normal neurotransmitter function depends in part on adequate vitamin D synthesis."

I also read where African-American women in my age bracket are also more likely to have vitaman D deficiencies - largely due to the fact we have more melanin in our skin plus some other factors. I figure that adding a supplement can't hurt... I know that when I was taking my supplements faithfully this spring, I saw a lot of weight loss and felt GREAT.

I am not planning on taking the antidepressant I've been prescribed anymore. I HATE the way I feel in the mornings, and don't need anything else sapping my energy and making me feel tired. I might even try to investigate a supplement for that, too. Anyone have ideas on St. John's Wort? Exercise is a huge mood booster for me, but my gym hours suck! 6 a.m. - 9 a.m. is not working for me. I'd love to be able to get up early and get to the gym by 5 a.m., or even go at night after the kids go to bed. DVD's and exercising at home require motivation to get my ass up off the couch... I don't have that. Plus, being that I don't like being home in the first place... you see where I'm getting at?

The crazy thing is that I KNOW that when I put good stuff in my body, that my body reacts in a GREAT way. Why the hell can't I just get it together? Why can't I hold it together when I get home everyday? Maybe its because I am so isolated here? I live 40 minutes from all my friends and people that I'm close to. And that sucks. I think when my lease is up I am going to move. I can't go and simply hang out or have girl time. I feel stuck in this small town. Like I said, my gym hours suck and the next closes gym is 30 minutes away - not convenient at all. If I were in Nashville, I'd have my pick of gyms that are both close and affordable.

OK...tomorrow is another new day. I will not give up, and I will keep on trying to pull this together!


  1. Keep your head up. You are determined, if you put your mind to it, you can do anything. Maybe you should clean out the cupboards, get rid of bad foods and then when you're home, you wont be tempted to eat any of them. That's what I did. I just started back a week ago, so I understand exactly how you feel.


  2. Girl, I think we've all been in your situation at one time or another. You sound as if you are getting your head back in the game though. That's a big hurdle. Take care of yourself first and foremost. I'm sorry you are unhappy where you are. I'm with you, I think the exercising just does wonders for depression. Keep chugging away...things will get better!

  3. Careful quitting the anti-depressant cold turkey...I think you need to taper off of it or you might get wacky side effects! And be sure to get D3 (the three has to be on there) is better than D2. My Naturopath told me that the liquid drops can be way more effective than the pills for some....the drops she wants me to get are called Bio-D Mulsion Forte made by Biotics Research. Each drop is 2000 IUs a day, I think..she wants me to take 4 drops a day. I just ordered some through my friend's pharmacy. It will be easier to sneak some into the kids' smoothies now, too...because vitamin D is one of the THE best defenses against flu and colds. !!! If you google that, you will be amazed. Hang in there, Hollie! I'm cheering for you from my far dark cold corner of the country.

  4. Good decision on not taking the antidepressants. A friend of mine told me that there is not a lot of research on the side effects of antidepressants. Just know you're not alone and I suffer from the same thing. At one point I started seeing a therapist who helped change some behaviors.

  5. You can't give up, Hollie. You know what you have to do. I am glad you are posting about it.

    And whether its the gym hours or the at-home exercise, youhave to make peace with one in your hard as it can be.

    I do the at home route a lot, and it can be challenging to stay with it. Start slow if you need to...but start.

  6. I bought a full spectrum light box last winter because I was feeling so BLAH in the fall. I started sitting in front of it to eat breakfast every morning. It helped A LOT. I did a post about it on my blog, I think if you search for Winter Blues on my blog you'll find that post.

    Hope you start feeling better soon.

  7. Hollie, I have been really depressed lately too. It's not fun. In the past, I have taken Vitamin D supplements (1000 per day), and it did help. I might try that again. Let me know how it goes.

    I wish there was a place you could exercise! That has such a huge impact on mood. I've been trying to force myself to go to the gym lately when I feel really down. It helps relieve that swirling, chaotic, negative energy that's often taking me over.

    I hope things get better soon!




Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.