Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Facing the Facts

I am depressed.

I think I've been fighting it for a while. Using friends, attention, and alcohol as distractions. But for the past couple of weeks, I can just feel my "positive" slowly fading away... and it feels really dark right now. Although I know I have friends, co-workers, and my wonderful children behind me... I feel very alone.

I went to the dr. last week and he gave me an antidpressant that is supposed to also help me sleep. But I don't think I like the way it makes me feel... Yeah, I'm sleeping great. But so groggy when I wake up. I tried taking it earlier in the afternoon, but then I'm useless for the rest of the day. No energy... AND, I feel like I can't get full. I'm constantly hungry. Apparently, that is one of the side-effects.

So, in my mind I know what I need to do. And as of today, I think I have the tools to do it. I have been trying to eat right, but today I just FAILED miserably. I am sitting here typing, and so miserably full that I want to go puke. Tomorrow is a new day, and all I know to do is to just go to bed, end this day, and start over tomorrow. I just know that I hate the way I feel right now - physically and mentally.

I want to be happy, I want to lose weight, and I want to achieve my goals and be successful. Now, I just need to dig deep and find the drive I need to move forward.



  1. Tomorrow will be a better day. I know you can push through this and come out on top.

    Don't give up.

  2. The problem with our pursuit of happiness is that we thing that it is something to pursue, that eludes us, and is only attainable when I:
    * create the wealth I desire
    * create the body I want
    * quit other bad habits (mine is eyelash and eyebrow plucking)
    etc. etc.

    Lose the pharmaceuticals - don't become a supporter of legal drug dealers.

    I recommend the programs at Learning Strategies and Centerpointe Institute for relaxation and positive affirmations.

    Acknowledge your beauty, even with a bit of excess weight.
    Count your successes.
    Practice gratitude. You're alive, live until you die, don't waste another day being depressed when you can be out celebrating!

    You are loved and deserving of love. You have many gifts to give to the world.

    Also, check out

    With Love,

  3. October is a bad month for me. Less sunlight, settling into new schedule (school), and the upcoming cold winter looming over my head.

    What really helps me with the depression is exercise and a light box. I sleep so much better with regular exercise, and the light box gives me that much needed sunshine that just disappears. I think we've had one sunny day in the last week.

    I'm sorry you're feeling like you are. It sucks--and I can't come up with any better words for it than that.

  4. I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I used to be on antidepressants and they were a mixed blessing. I don't use them anymore and the withdrawal was murder.

    For now, blogging helps me a lot for support and the feeling that I'm not alone. Everyone goes through rough patches and you sound like a strong person who can see this through. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.

  5. So sorry to hear this. I have been where you are and I know how hard it can be. Just know that it WILL get better. No one can tell you how or when but I can tell you that it WILL. Hang in there.

  6. I know you are searching right now, Hollie. Don't wander too far. Leave the sip-ups of yesterday behind and start again. small steps, faith, will get you back on your feet.

    You know you are a fighter.

  7. I have been there... Hang in there. Life is so short! Don't let your downs get you down for to long. Seek help if needed but press forward.

    Never give up!!

  8. I've been there, Hollie. I hope the clouds start to lift soon.

  9. I think the last thing Hollie needs is a pity party, people!

    Leave your commiseration aside and provide a small dose of empathy, but an even bigger dose of empowerment!

    We all have our down days. It's a day, move on to the next one. Make a promise to yourself, get an accountability buddy, and whatever it takes.

    Give up being victims and being at the mercy of your feelings.
    Feelings are not valid tests of reality.

  10. You will make tomorrow a better day. Sorry you are feeling so unhappy. Maybe start tomorrow with some exercise. Your sounded so much more upbeat when you were moving. Even if the food is tough right now, if you start moving and get those endorphins flowing, the rest will follow. Since I've made changes, I've found that that is what works best for me.
    I hope things get better soon!

  11. Oh girl, I'm so right there with you. Not sure if you've been reading my blog but "dark" is good way to describe life. Just take it one day at a time. Be free to feel how you feel. If I don't wake up consciously thinking about the things I'm grateful for, it spirals from there.I've been eating horribly, drinking TONS, but I'm trying to get back at it this week and re-dedicate myself to the program. One day at a time. I'm pulling for you!

  12. Hang in there! I too took antidepressants for a while. One made me groggy (like you said), so I took a second to pep me up. It often made me too peppy, so I took a third to tone that down. Oh, and a sleeping pill on top. I got tired of the mess and weaned myself off all of it. Not that I recommend that route (as they say, consult your physician...) but my doctor clearly did NOT want me off the stuff, and I knew I needed to be off.

    Anyway, sorry you're having a rough time.

  13. Hollie, Glad to know that you are striving to get better.

    Have you explored raw foods to lose weight and feel better?



  14. Hi Holly,

    I tried prozac for two days , I hated the way it made me feel . I was going through a divorce with 3 year old boy at the time. But I decided to try and push through the pain of life , that we are sent to us .
    Life is tough sometimes , but we just have to try and stay focused . It is difficult . Step up the exercise , I know we dont always feel like it . But it does help with depression . Big hug . Sal



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