Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Day 72 - Trying to prioritize

Today I vowed to get my priorities together. I am so overwhelmed with being a broke, single mom, going to school full-time, and trying to teach a very challenging summer school class. On top of that, I am going through a divorce and trying to deal with an ex who is full of sh*t. And then, oh, yeah, I'm trying to eat healthy and exercise regularly to try to lose 100+ lbs. There just isn't enough hours in the day it seems.

SO today I really tried to make an effort to get on a schedule and to get caught up on my school work. That really didn't happen... After work today, it was HOT HOT HOT outside and I felt so drained. My kids were begging for the pool, so guess what? We went to the pool. Part of me knows that after July 1 we won't be able to go during the day anymore because of the on-campus classes I will start taking. Part of me just felt like I wanted to go to the pool! We stayed for about 3 hours, and then while we were there I worked out on the elliptical for 45 minutes. I planned to do an hour, but my I-pod died about 30 minutes into my workout. Plus, a line started forming for the machines and I was starting to feel pretty weak. I still think I had a great workout and felt good about making that a priority.

When we got home, it was dinnertime. Since it was so hot and I didn't really feel like eating, I whipped up a protein shake for myself. Then the ex called and said he wanted to take the kids to McDonald's for dinner. I was kinda pissed to see him drive up in a new car that he'd just bought. Ok, it's not brand new, and I know he needs a car since he's been borrowing his friend's car for about a month now. But my thing is, how do you pay $1200 for this car when you can't pay me a dime in child support? According to him, since he works at a dealership they are going to take it out of his pay. But I think he's full of it.

Then he had the nerve to call me from McDonald's and started lecturing me on how he didn't like the fact I am dating someone (yes, I'm dating someone) and that the kids know about it. He didn't think the fact that he also has a girlfriend that my kids have MET was important. And I think he also let it slip that she gave him the money for the car. I don't care about any of that. What got me is that he kept repeating how no man in his right mind would ever seriously be interested in someone like me. He went on and on about how I'm broke, and I have 3 kids... yada yada yada. According to him, my best option is just to get back with him. Yeah, right.

Ok, I'm venting now. But it pissed me off. I was by myself at home and needed to do something. NO, I didn't binge or eat my way through it. I decided to mow the lawn, lol. I was still dirty and sweaty from the pool and my workout, so I figured I might as well get some more exercise in and tackle the lawn. And I did feel better and got a chance to blow off some steam. So, after the kids got home I took a nice, hot shower, cleaned my house a little. And now, I'm off to bed. Without opening a book...

I know tomorrow is going to be a long day, because after work I have to take my mother to the doctor. I will bring one of my books with me and try to read while she's there. When I get home, I will do homework for the rest of the day. The house is clean, the lawn is mowed, so I shouldn't have anything standing in the way of me focusing on school work. I figured I can take a break during the evening to run to the gym for an hour or so, then come back and get back on it. I HAVE TO. I'm so behind.

This weekend went pretty well as far as eating and activity. I skipped the gym Sunday and Monday because I worked on my flower beds for several hours on both days. The weeds were out of control! There were some that looked like trees they were so tall! I had to use the shovel to dig them out, and man it wore me out! My body is still sore from the squatting and pulling I did. But I figured it was a good workout on both days, and my yard looks so much better. I know better than to let it get out of control like that anymore!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Day 69 - Happy Saturday!

Part of my plan to stay on track is to check into my blog daily. This blog keeps me honest and accountable. Even if it's a short post, I know I do better when I am posting and reading daily.

Breakfast this morning was a smoothie made with chocolate protein powder, 1 c. frozen strawberries, 1 tbs. flax oil, and 1 tbs. almond butter. So yummy, so filling. I did an hour on the elliptical this morning, along with about 15 minutes of weights on my arms. I came home and had some leftover taco salad for lunch (ground turkey, shredded lettuce, reduced-fat cheese shreds, and salsa). Then I decided to paint my bathroom!

I bought the paint the other day - it was a can that had been tinted the wrong color. It caught my eye because the color is the exact same color stripe that runs through my favorite bathroom set that I used at the other house. It's a light aqua color paint, and the stripes in the shower curtain and accessories is this same color aqua, chocolate brown, taupe, and eggshell. I love the aqua color with chocolate brown... that's actually what my living room is done in, too.

I just got the first coat and trim done, so I'm gonna let it dry for a while then do a second coat. It really brightens up the bathroom. The old paint was pea green - ugh - and has always reminded me of baby sh*t. We've lived here since February, and I haven't decorated this bathroom at all because my bathroom set didn't match at all. And I didn't want to buy a new one because I really liked the old one. So now, I get a little more exercise in while making my home a little bit better!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Day 68 - It was bound to happen...

What happens when you aren't paying attention to the food you eat? What happens when you get so busy that exercise is not a top priority? What happens when you convince yourself that "one piece won't hurt"? You slip... and sometimes you fall on your face. What do you do then? You get your a** up, dust yourself off, and move forward.

I've been telling myself for a few weeks that the pace I need to slow down and focus on my weight loss, or else I'm going to mess up. I had pizza on Wednesday. It wasn't planned, it was just convenient. After a long day of running errands and caring for my mom, I decided to stop and get my kids pizza for dinner. We were all starving, so I decided that I would have 2 small slices. For those who have read my blog for a while, you know I used to LOVE pizza... it was a weakness. But now... let me tell you! That pizza made me so sick! I immediately felt like throwing up, and the heartburn I felt was TERRIBLE! How in the hell did I ever deal with constant heartburn? How in the hell did I ever eat a WHOLE PIZZA over the course of a few hours?

That night as I was laying in bed, I decided that I needed to get my a** in gear and re-focus before this slip turned into a backward slide. It just isn't worth it. My body has been clean for so long, that eating sh*t full of grease and fat made my body push the REJECT button! So yesterday, I was back on plan 100%. I've also been "forgetting" to take my supplements, so I'm back on that, too. Thankfully the next few days I don't have much going on, so I am using it as an opportunity to concentrate on healthy eating and....

EXERCISE! Guess who hit the gym yesterday? Yeah... that would be me, too. I just felt like I NEEDED to. Since I got this tattoo, I've been stuck with no physical activity. The tat is not completely healed, but I think it's well enough that I can start back exercising. The heat index in middle TN was over 100 degrees yesterday, so I didn't think walking outside was a good idea. Even if I take bottled water, it's HOT by the time I get home. So after letting the kids swim for a while, I went to the gym. I was going to walk on the treadmill, but I HATE TREADMILLS. So I jumped on the elliptical and did a great 45 minutes. I felt so good afterward!

I hope everyone is still participating and working toward the prize in the WALKING CHALLENGE! I haven't been giving it my all, but I'm also NOT QUITTING! I really wanna get another 20 lbs. off by the time school starts on August 1, and I know I can do that! But I need to focus, and get myself moving.

I made another decision today that is probably going to help keep me motivated. I've decided to put my daughter on a diet, and start getting strict about what my kids are eating. Since being home for summer break, they've been eating CRAP all day. I don't buy them a lot of junk like chips, cookies, or snack cakes. But they exist on cereal, pop-tarts, crackers, and Popsicle's. Most days there isn't even a set breakfast, lunch, and dinner because they eat ALL DAY!

I lost control when I started teaching summer school. They are home alone all morning. But then I started allowing them to play outside past meal times, and now they go see their dad on the weekends. And he DOES give them unlimited cookies and chips and snacks. My two youngest kids are thin, and can eat anything and not gain. But my oldest daughter has always been heavy. She has adopted every bad eating habit I've ever had, and I am constantly in a battle with her about the food she eats. She will sneak food behind my back, which is also a major problem.

So this morning I saw her eating a huge bowl of Cap'n Crunch for breakfast - which is sadly normal. But about 10 minutes later I came back in the kitchen, and she had just finished pouring milk in ANOTHER HUGE BOWL of cereal! When I called her on it, she said she was still hungry. I told her there was no way she could still be hungry, then I proceeded to pour the cereal down the garbage disposal. I called my son in, and informed both of them that sugary cereal would no longer be brought in the house - along with pop-tarts and processed snack foods. The way I see it... if the food isn't in the house, then my daughter can't sneak them when I 'm not there!

Bottom line is that if eating clean and healthy is the right way for me, it's also the right way for my kids! We ALL need to get on board. Yeah, I know they will b*tch and complain for a minute, but so what? They're children, and they'll get over it!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Day 64 - Weigh-in

Weighed in this morning at 275.8 - which is a 2.6 lb. loss for the week. I have now lost 57.2 lbs! I'm still feeling great, and controlling my eating. I will admit that I had a bite of cake on Saturday night - ONE BITE! My best friend's mom got married, and it was wedding cake. Everyone insisted that it was bad luck if I didn't take a bite, and the vodka/cranberry I was drinking made me a little more agreeable, lol. So I got a fork and took one little bite. It was good, but so sweet. Funny how I could have ate half of that cake in one sitting a few months ago, lol.

I am now in my 3rd month of clean and healthy eating and am so glad I made this change. The only thing I struggle with at this point is... eating! I have been so busy with teaching summer school, taking care of my children while they are out for the summer, and taking college classes toward my Master's that sometimes I am ***FORGETTING TO EAT***. WTH? It really surprises me sometimes, but I guess that's what happens when your life doesn't revolve around food anymore. Food isn't my friend, companion, or way to escape problems anymore. It is fuel for living. But I do know that my body needs this fuel, and that skipping meals is no good for your metabolism. So I am trying my best to do better.

I didn't walk as much last week because of the weather, and also because of a tattoo I got to cover up my ex-husbands name that was on my lower back. The cover-up tattoo is way bigger than the old one, but is really pretty. Thing is... it hurts like hell and has been a nightmare! The first two days it was red, swollen, and oozing slime. I had it checked to make sure it wasn't infected. They said it was normal, but now it's scabbing and itching and driving me nuts. I have been warned not to do any activity that will make me sweat during the healing process, because it might damage the tattoo or cause infection. So hopefully in a few days it will be well enough to get back to a normal exercise schedule. Note to self: NEVER EVER AGAIN GET SOMEONE'S NAME TATTOO'D ON YOUR BODY.

I hope everyone is doing well... and if you're not... DON'T GIVE UP!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Day 59 - Slow and steady...

Sorry I haven't been updating every day, but there's really been nothing to update! I'm still on plan, still feeling great, etc. It seems like the weight-loss aspect of my life is really chugging along really well. It's seems more like habit now than a constant battle. Yes, it still takes daily effort because I always have a choice as to whether or not I am going to eat well or eat something bad for me. But for RIGHT NOW I seem to be making good choices. The weight is coming off slowly, but that's okay! Each week I lose something - which is better than no loss or a gain.

Last week I started the walking challenge, and am still doing pretty good with that. There were a couple of days over the weekend that I didn't get to walk because I was away from home for the entire day, but yesterday I made sure I got back on it. I am also excited to report that I have a gym membership now! I found out that school district employees got a deep discount at our local fitness center, so I decided to go for it. Yeah, I really could have used the money for something else. But my children love going to the pool in the summer, and I know it will help me for weight loss. So I think it was a good choice.

Summer school is going well. The children I work with are so sweet, and the days pass by really fast. It's only Tues/Wed/Thurs for the month of June. So far I still have not secured another job. I have talked to Target twice, and they seemed super interested in me coming back, but I still haven't heard anything. Truth be known, I kind of like the time off. I am having a blast with my kids, and am getting a lot of "housekeeping" done. It's nice to just have the time to do NOTHING, lol. I must do a whole lot of nothing, though, because I am busy every day!

I see that so many of my blogger friends are doing great, and there are also some that are still struggling. I think about you all often, and you really help keep me going! I have so much admiration and get so much out of those of you who are at goal or maintaining. But I also love my friends who are taking it day by day like I am. It's such a struggle, but hopefully all of us will come out on top this time!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Day 56 - What a weekend!

I am so sorry for getting behind on the blog! But it's been crazy this weekend! A lot has happened, but thankfully, I have been able to stay on top of my eating end exercise. I have been walking, walking, walking! It's really helped with clearing my head, and a way for me to get away for a little bit. I was out of town for a bit today, so did not get to walk. But my plan is to wake up early and get it done!

I weighed this morning, and the scale said 278.4 - a new low! Yes! That's 54.6 lbs. GONE FOREVER! I think that's also a 4 lb. loss from last weigh-in. I have been thinking more in terms of TOTAL weight loss these days instead of the weekly number. In fact, I don't really concentrate on the number right now. I know that if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing in terms of eating right and moving, the weight will come off.

NSV: Today I was walking around Sam's Club with my friend, and he mentioned how hard it was to go down the candy aisle. I mentioned that as addicted to candy that I used to be, it no longer even bothers me to be around it! I still can't believe I've kicked that bad habit, but I'm so glad I did. Yeah, sometimes I really miss my Starbucks, but I know my body is so much better off without the sugar and caffeine.

Good news to report: My ex and I signed our divorce papers yesterday! Tomorrow our lawyer will file them, and then we have a 105-day waiting period until it's final. This is a big step, and since my ex has been fighting me about it, it was a cause for celebration when he finally agreed to sign them. For all of you who know how he is, I'm watching my back just in case he decides to go nuts. But he had the kids today and seemed pretty calm, so hopefully we will both be able to end this chapter of our lives on the best note possible.

OK... it's been a long day, and an even longer weekend. I'm off to bed!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Day 53 - Are YOU walking?

Today is the first day of my walking challenge! And today it did prove to be a challenge, but I did it anyway. I got a 90-minute walk in - although it was at a pretty moderate pace. But I was moving, and I was tired as HELL by the time I was done. And the last part of it was in the rain, so I should get some points for that!

I have been back on plan this week, and I'm so happy about that. TOM is here, so I don't feel 100%, but I know that I am headed in the right direction. This week has really made me see, though, how fitness and a healthy lifestyle can be so important in the career path I've chosen (special education). Working with my summer school class, I really have to be on my toes! We have some very "active" students - some are runners! So for the 3 hours I am there, I am constantly on the move, with barely enough time to grab a drink of water every so often. I am so glad that I wake up to a healthy breakfast in the mornings, because I need it to last me until lunch time. I am also glad that I am physically able to do my job, and will be able to keep up when I am in a classroom all day in the future.

Well folks, today has been downright shitty. I don't want to get into it on here, but my feelings got hurt today :( Not by Clyde this time (shocker, I know), but by someone else I really care about. Yeah, it sucks. But the long walk helped get my mind off things for a little while. Now I'm just going to try to go to bed and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Day 51 - Busy, busy, busy

Today has been hectic. First day of summer school went well. The children are so sweet, and hopefully they will begin to warm up to us more each day. Working with children with special needs is more rewarding than I can describe. I love it.

Not much happened to day... still on track. Was around 1500 calories today (and I know this b/c I journaled!). Not as much water, because I just can't drink when I'm at school now. We have one child who is very fast and will have the bottle opened and chugging it before you can blink! So I had to put my water bottle up high. Well, because of the constant pace we go, I really didn't have time to think about water, let alone time to run to the bathroom!

My daughter has tried out for the middle school soccer team two days in a row, and the final cut will be posted tomorrow. She is so nervous, and I am afraid she'll be crushed if she doesn't make the cut. I watched the last part of try-outs today, and some of those girls are good! They've either been playing soccer since they were 3, or play on competitive travel teams, so they have so much more experience than she does. I'm crossing my fingers!

Off to bed EARLY again - yeah! Trying to get back on a good sleep routine.

BTW - ONLY ONE MORE DAY TO SIGN UP FOR THE WALKING CHALLENGE! I know I am SO ready for this! It rained this afternoon, and is supposed to rain all day tomorrow. Ugh.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Day 50 - Finally!

If my math skills serve me correct, today is my 50th day without sugar, caffeine, or processed food! No matter how off I got on my eating schedule, or how many meals I skipped, or how hectic my life has been over the past two weeks, I have still remained 100% committed to eliminating those bad foods from my diet. It is the ONE thing I am holding on to, because I am so proud of the fact that I actually kicked those bad habits. To indulge in a soda or a candy bar now would feel like such a failure! And I'm IN IT TO WIN IT!

Speaking of winning... I hope everyone saw my post about my first challenge as a Blogger! I am so excited at the response I have got so far, and I'm hoping even more of you sign up! It is going be fun, and we are going to definitely be able to keep each other accountable with a little competition. My hope is that EVERYONE will be able to stick to it for the full 60 days. I have joined SO many challenges on various sites, and NEVER finish to the end. I always slink off un-noticed near the half-way mark, BUT NOT THIS TIME! I have officially put myself on front street - so I'm in it until the end!

Today I am FINALLY feeling like my eating is back to normal. Woke up to a protein smoothie, had a great "southwest" salad for lunch, and some really good strawberries and reduced fat cheese for a snack. Dinner will be a little late, but still within my 3 - 4 hour time. Probably another salad like I had earlier since it was SO good! I am on my 4th liter of water, and have journaled EVERYTHING! I woke up late this morning, so I forgot to weigh, but I will do that in the morning. Funny how I used to step on the scale every single morning, and let that little number dictate my day... but not anymore. It's now just a way I measure my progress - it does not define who I am or how I feel.

I guess that's another good change that's come out of this journey. Yeah, I do feel good because I weigh less than what I have since my 3-yr old daughter was born. But the way I FEEL means so much more to me. For the first time in... ? .... I feel good about myself and my appearance. I have a LONG way to go, but I KNOW I will get there! There is no longer a crazy doubt-monster living in my brain (or my house for that matter, lol). I am surrounded by friends who remind me every day that I am valuable, important, and beautiful (inside and out). I am actually happy.

Tomorrow I start teaching summer school, and it's going to be a challenge. It's only Tues/Wed/Thurs for the month of June, and its only for 3 hrs a day. BUT I will be working with severely disabled students. It will be a great opportunity for experience, and I am up for the challenge. I got my classroom ready today, and made phone calls to the parents of the children we expect to attend. Wish me luck on this one...