My life is still a big ball of stress, but I am coping with it without food. A couple of days ago...Wednesday...I really felt like I was about to start slipping. The day was just really "off" for me. My eating schedule was off because of an observation I had to do that went right past my snack time. Then I had got very hungry, which is a huge no-no. But I stuck to my good food, and didn't binge or make bad choices. I just felt "off". So that afternoon, I gave my kids a treat and let them go to McDonald's to play for a couple of hours. Yes, my house was a mess and I'm sure I could have been more productive. But I felt like we all needed a break. And I spent some time thinking while I sipped my water...
I have come very far in the past few months, and even farther in the past few weeks. I am successfully fighting my addiction to sugar, and I no longer depend on caffeine. I have been putting good food and supplements into my body and physically I feel so much better. I am losing weight, and I feel like I can lose a lot more. But I can't start slipping down that slope - and we all know what slope that is. I made up my mind that it is time to get my ass in gear. Mentally. I will not let the stress of every day life stand in the way of my success. My ex is an asshole, and he is going to be an asshole. Binging on candy and donuts isn't going to make him easy to deal with. Staying shut in my bedroom all weekend isn't going to make my life more manageable when I leave it's confines. I know how to overcome stress, and I know how to eat healthy and lose weight. I just have to figure out how to do it at the same time!
So yesterday I got up and decided that I was going to have a GREAT day no matter what! I was focused on my eating and focused on a positive attitude. The only thing that didn't go 100% was that I forgot to eat my 3 p.m. snack. I planned to eat it at 3:45 when I got home from work, but of course something had to happen. I still don't completely know what happened, but my son didn't get dropped off at my mom's, so I had to drive back to the Central office to pick him up. Then Clyde started calling. I had to pick up b/c he's supposed to be giving me the money for daycare this week. Of course he didn't have them money and wanted to argue about something else, so I just hung up on him. I ended up getting home closer to 5 p.m., and was in a rush to cut my grass before it started raining again.
About half-way through the back yard I started feeling weak, and it wasn't until then that I remembered about missing my snack. I ran inside and whipped up a protein shake and felt good as new! So that was basically my dinner last night, because I didn't get finished with the yard until after dark. It's been raining continuously for the past two weeks, so it was long and thick and took longer to push-mow than usual. But at least I got some great exercise! I actually could feel that my heart-rate was up, and I was sweating like crazy. My arm and leg muscles are really sore today. This is the momentum I need to keep the exercise going, and stop making excuses about it. I like to walk, and since it's been raining I have been using that as an excuse not to. But HELLO, I have an elliptical in my garage. And at least 20 DVD's that I can do in the comfort of my living room. I told Yvette yesterday that I am just going to buy a poncho and walk in the rain! It doesn't matter what I do, I just need to start moving!
I was actually showered and in bed by 10:30 last night, which is a record for me. I had a great night's rest, and am ready to go again today. Rain or no rain, I am really going to try to use this weekend to get my house in order, and to get back on a routine of planning and preparing my food, and eating on schedule. I really just need to FOCUS on what is important right now. I am putting myself first on my priority list for the first time in my life, and it's a strange feeling at times. But I know I am worth it, and it's necessary for me to be able to properly care for my children and be the mother they deserve. It's all about making the decision that going forward is way more crucial than sliding backwards.