Sunday, March 15, 2009

From a new perspective...

Today is my first "clean" day after two straight days of binging. I lost control Thursday night. I don't really know now what the trigger was, but it was on. Both Friday and Saturday I ate until I was stuffed and sick. Last night I knew that I couldn't live this way any longer. That person is the "old" me - it does not define who I am now. This morning when I woke up, I asked God for the strength to get my act together. I ask Him to take this dark mood away and to help me adjust my attitude.

For breakfast I started with a healthy bowl of oatmeal - the exact recipe (plus pumpkin) that I had on Thursday. After two cups of coffee, I decided that exercise was in order. I did 40 minutes on my elliptical (which makes noise but still works!). I stretched afterwards, then had lunch at around 1 p.m. I had my homemade chicken salad on two slices of Ezekiel bread. This is the first time I've tried Ezekiel break, and it was very good. I've been drinking water, and am planning dinner. If it stops raining, I may grill some chicken breasts. I've also been thinking about taco soup. In a few minutes I will run over to Publix to get some fruit since I'm currently down to a few apples.

I know I'm not the same person I used to be. I've made a lot of positive changes over the past year. I am aware of my health, and care about myself enough that I will not let myself fall back into the unhealthy eating habits that got me to 333 lbs. I am conscious about it now, where in the past I just didn't care. Although I am so lonely right now, I refuse to let negative people back in my life. A year from now I want to look back and think ...yeah, I'm glad I didn't give up. I know I say this a lot, but I refuse to give up.

I read some blogs of people who have been very successful at losing weight. One guy has lost over 200 lbs, and another woman has lost half her body weight! But it kind of irks me at how some of these people kinda look down on folks like me that don't have it together 100%. I don't think they do it on purpose, but I think the perspective is different when you're at goal. I don't think I'm a failure, and I know that my blogging friends who are also struggling are not failures either. Those people who never miss a day at the gym, and eat within their calories/points each day are no better than we are. As long as we keep getting up and fighting this battle, we are winners in this race. Why? Because think if where we'd be if we just gave up??? There is no magical solution, what works for one person will not work for everyone. I believe I will get there, though. This time I will not give up.


  1. None of us are failures as long as we keep trying! I think people at goal are just really excited to have found what works for them, and they want to share that.

    However, I know what you mean. There are plenty of times when I have felt inadequate for, say, not joining a gym, or guilty for eating french fries after reading certain blogs. But those are my feelings, not their intentions.

    It sounds like you got right back on track after a couple days off plan. Well done! Really glad to hear your elliptical still works!

    I admire you every time you say you refuse to give up. You've been through a lot and you keep trying. You will succeed, you already have.

  2. Don't let those people get you down. They were there once to and we all know it doesn't take much to have us fall off the horse. You are doing great and what a great way to look at things when you got up this morning. we all have our bad days and good days. The important thing is you recognize it and you are back at it strong today. God will help see you through. You are doing great!!!

  3. Hollie, I loved that you prayed about things this morning. I need to do that more myself. I feel like I'm always up and down, I think a lot of people are but not everyone talks about it. It really is about never giving up. I still sometimes can't believe I'm as far along as I am. But I still struggle and I probably always will. I think having so many responsibilities plays a big part too. You are doing great with all you have on you these days. Way to go on eating that oatmeal and getting in that 40 mins exercise today. Thanks for the email too. *hugs*

  4. Well said and I totally agree with you. Sometimes I shy away from some of their blogs because to me they are not realistic. If they have truly been 100%, I'm amazed, in awe, and so very proud of them, but I also know, I am human and have many ups and downs. Thanks for the post. It really helps!

  5. Sending hugs your way! Don't let other blogs make you feel you aren't moving in the right direction.

    First of all, everyone is different and no two people lose weight the same way.

    Sorry about your binging - never had that problem - just eating too many cheese fries with bacon! :D

    Take it one day at a time and you'll get there!

  6. I can relate to this article as I know from first hand experience just how hard it is to lose weight, and to maintain it. I wrote a book called Alone in the Storm, which has recently been published, and it is about an overweight woman who subconsciously put on the weight to protect herself from being hurt by love. She struggles with her weight issues, and in the end she manages to overcome them, but not before she learns some important lessons about herself and life.

    Carla Cunningham, Published Book Author of Alone in the Storm

    The website for my book is -, or if you’d like more information about my book you can email me at


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