Tuesday, March 31, 2009

What in the world is going on!

I am in pain. Severe abdominal pain. It started Sunday, got worse yesterday, and was taking my breath away this morning. The cramps feel like labor - no lie. I think it's gas, but I have never had gas this bad. I don't know why I would suddenly have gas this bad - I'm not eating anything different. I also do not think it's constipation, but it does hurt really bad when i try to go to the bathroom. Like a kick in the gut. I don't know what is going on, but my stomach is swollen and it hurts to even touch it. I do not have health insurance, and do not go to the doctor even when I do. But if this doesn't get any better I have to go.

I tried walking during soccer last night because Clyde did show, but was only able to walk for about 15 minutes with the pain. This morning the scale was only up 1.4 lbs, but I really think this stomach stuff is the cause. My belly feels large and uncomfortable, and my size 24's are suddenly tight again (after being loose yesterday). I'm trying to stick out the day at work, and will WI at WW this afternoon. I drank some Sprite this morning, and have been eating strawberries and grapes because I don't want to eat anything too "solid". I also brought some SlimFast and yogurt. The back of my mind tells me one good trip to the bathroom will help...

I have been going through my blogroll this morning, and actually made the decision to delete a blog. I have been following this guy for a while, but I think he has gotten a little too smug. Assholes really annoy me, so I decided not to follow anymore. I know a lot of people find him inspiring, but I find him insulting. Just because he got it "right" this time, doesn't mean that those of us that don't are failures. Showing support is not always enabling. There. I said it. Now I'm moving on...

Monday, March 30, 2009

Back to reality.

Today is back to work/school for me and the kiddos. We had the best spring break ever, so I'm not even mad! We had so much fun, and I was able to stick to plan and do a lot of exercise. The scale this morning showed a 2 lb. gain, but I really think it's a fluctuation from the awful food I had yesterday. We went to a birthday party and I indulged in the goodies. Immediately my stomach was swelled tight, and I still have a stomach ache that I think is gas-related. But I immediately got back on track after we got home and ate light for the rest of the day.

Saturday night was fun, too. I had several mixed drinks that were very fruity and not very strong. As I was drinking them I was considering the calorie count, which I thought was funny. But I stayed strong at work Sat. night, and ate very well all day and walked for 30 minutes Saturday to set up this splurge. I knew it would be my last "girls night out" for a while, and really enjoyed myself. That might be some of the gain, too, now that I think about it.

Today I started out with a bowl of Newman's Own cereal (which I love) with 1% milk. I was running late this morning and though I could just grab a salad at work. Well, at lunch time when I went to get my salad they told me they didn't have salads today! Thanks for telling me! They tried to offer me some of the scrumptious breaded chicken pretzels and mac and cheese, but I passed. I remembered that I had a packet of oatmeal in my desk drawer, so I ate that instead. I also had a Nature Valley Granola bar that I crumbled on top. I am making Taco Soup for dinner tonight. I just finished second 20oz bottle of water, so I'm feeling confident about WI tomorrow.

Tomorrow is our Weight Watchers At-Work meeting, and I really think I'm FINALLY going to get my 25 lb. magnet! I was hoping I could also get 10%, but I can still shoot for that next week. I should get REALLY close though, and I'm excited. I am going to try my best to walk every afternoon this week. The 5K is this weekend, and my daughter and I have not trained as much as I would like. We have found a great route around our neighborhood that is 1.6 miles and takes us about 30 minutes. But that is with my 8 yr old son and with us pushing the stroller. Saturday it will just be me and her and my nephew. My goal is to finish in under 1 hour - is that setting the bar too low? The way I figure it, a 5K is close to three miles, and I can walk a mile in 17 - 20 minutes. I think just participating and finishing is a great thing for us!

Today is soccer practice, and I'm going to try to walk around the track. Clyde and I got into a fight about a week ago, so I'm not sure if he'll show to watch the two little ones while I walk. It's a gravel/sandy path, so I can't push the stroller. If not, I'll walk with the two little ones and just go slower just so I can be doing something, then get on the elliptical later.

BTW...while I was on break at work Saturday, I tired on a skirt and a pair of Capri's in a size 22 just for kicks. I really liked them, but they didn't have a size 24. So I thought, I'll try on the 22's just to see how much further I have to go, since I know my 24 jeans are starting to get loose. They both fit perfect! I couldn't believe it! Since my size 24 jeans are still new, I will wear them for a while until they just get too loose. But I am having to wash and dry them after each wear so they will not be so baggy. Yeah, I used to wear my jeans several times before washing them because I liked that loose, broke-in feeling. I used to dread putting my jeans on straight out of the dryer because I knew they would be tight. Not anymore!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Coming to an end...

Well, my Spring break is rapidly coming to an end. I'm back at LB tonight, then back at my school job on Monday. We have really had a blast over the past two weeks. Even my children keep commenting on how much fun they're having. But I feel like I am having twice the fun because I get to go out at night, too! I'm going to a party tonight with some friends, and it should be a lot of fun. I guess it will be the last time I go out for a while - time to get back to reality (school, work, etc.).

Thursday I was very depressed over some things that a friend (male) had said to me. I felt like I'd been dumped, which is impossible because we were not together! But we have been good friends for over 11 years. Anyway, Jess decided to take me out Thursday night and I had way too much to drink. Yesterday was spent recovering, and I ate too much. By the end of the day, though, I reeled it in and decided that I needed to get my ass in gear. I got some homework done, then got to bed fairly early (for me).

This morning they canceled my daughter's soccer practice, so since we were already dressed I decided we would go to the park and walk. When we got to the park it was very cool and windy, and the sky had turned black like it was going to storm. I decided to run to the store first, then come back later. I did well at the store, and made really good choices. The processed, convenience food just doesn't appeal to me anymore. I found a great deal on strawberries, which I'm about to cut and wash for snacks today. If I have strawberries around I usually do well all day because they give me something good to snack on.

So far today I've had:

1.5 c. Newman's cereal (first time I tried it and love it) w/ 1% milk
1/2 leftover Subway turkey sub, added a piece of RF provolone cheese
5 pcs. popcorn chicken (out of my kids cup at Walmart b/c I was hungry)
20 oz. Sobe Lifewater (again, a checkout line choice at Walmart)

I work at 5 - 9:30 pm tonight and am dreading it. UGH. I really hate working two jobs. I bought lettuce and grape tomatoes to make a salad for dinner before I go, and plan on taking strawberries to snack on. I want to keep it light for the rest of the day because I will be drinking tonight. I've got 4 hours until I leave for work, so I'm going to gather my kids for a walk around the neighborhood, so in case it rains we'll be close to home. Then I'm gonna clean my bedroom - it's a mess!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The picture on the right is me in my "goal" dress. My mom bought it for me at Gap the summer after my baby was born (2006). I have never worn it. It hung in the laundry room for quite a while, and I attempted to try it on once. I couldn't get my arms through without hearing the seams ripping, so I stopped. Today I was trying on clothes in my closet that haven't fit for a while, and decided to see how far I had to go before it would "fit". I was pleasantly surprised how I looked in it. I felt VERY sexy, especially with my new heels. I have about three weeks until my class reunion, and although it hugs every curve, I think I might just wear this dress. A SPANX might work wonders, too...

Checking in...

Just thought I would check in to let you all know I'm still around! Still doing well as a matter of fact! Checked the scale yesterday, and I am INDEED under the 300 lb. mark. Yes! Yesterday I ate a little more during the day than I usually do, so I made up for it at dinner and only ate a little. Finally, I feel like I am able to recognize my body's cues about food. When I'm full, I stop eating. But when I'm hungry, I eat. It's amazing when I realize that most of the time I'm not really hungry, but I eat because it's "time". Hopefully when I get back on a schedule next week I can still listen to my body and hunger signals.

I have been slacking on water, so my goal is to get back on that. I made some Crystal Light yesterday and that seems to help while I'm at home. It stopped raining, so I might go bust a block or two. I'm a little down today. I have a non-marriage-related situation that has been going since right before I left Clyde that I haven't talked about on here. (Can you believe I actually don't talk about EVERYTHING on here!) Thing is, I'm not TOTALLY sure that Clyde doesn't still read my blog, so I have to keep a few things wrapped up tight. But even though I'm down, I don't want to eat about it. If anything, it has made my resolve stronger to put me first and lose this weight.

I've been reading everyone's blogs even though I haven't posted. I love your blogs - they keep me so motivated and focused on the task at hand!

Monday, March 23, 2009

I got my first Blog Award from purple_moonflower123 at

It's Not a Diet, It's a Weigh of Life...

Thank you so much. I am such a fan of your blog, and I am honored!!!!

The rules of the award is to list seven (7) things that you love and then pass it on to 7 bloggers that you love. So here goes:

I love my children.
I love my best friend and her children.
I love my job.
I love my shopping.
I love my fellow bloggers.
I love warm weather and sunshine.
I love reading blogs.

Now for the 7 bloggers that I love:

There are many, many other blogs that I would love to pass this on to (just look at my blog roll), but the rules say only 7.

299.8 - I think...

My scale was playing with my emotions this morning. When I first stepped on, it was 300.8. Second time, 301. Third time 299.8! I almost passed out when I saw the (2) as the first number. So I got on about five more times over the next several minutes, and it still said 299.8. I am freaking out a little on the inside. My scale is usually accurate, so I don't know what is up with the different numbers. But I know damn well that I will continue to stay on track so that number will stick!

I haven't been blogging over the past several days because my Spring Break got to be more busy (and fun) than I expected. My BFF and her four boys stayed with me from Wed through yesterday, and we have been having so much fun. We have been grilling out, going to the park, and just having a blast with the warmer weather. It's so good to have a friend here. But through it all I have been staying on track with eating! Funny thing, when I am happy and busy my mind is not constantly on food. And since we have been eating a lot of grilled food and cooking at home, it's easier to make good choices.

I have been drinking more alcohol than usual, but it's usually at night, and I make it a point to never eat and drink at the same time. I'll have a cocktail after dinner, and will not let myself snack during or after the cocktail. I even asked my friends to help me with this, but so far I haven't even had the urge to lose control. I have been figuring in the calories/points into my daily allowance so I will not go over. But since I am not a "drinker", it is easy to stop at one or two, depending on what I allow myself.

Seeing the numbers on the scale this morning let me know that I have been doing a good job, and that the tracking and though I have put into my food this past week have worked. I was unable to walk or get on the elliptical as much as I wanted, but I still stayed very active and made a point to move as much as possible. I've got one more week of Spring Break to take advantage of. Right now the kiddos and I are about to go on a walk around the neighborhood before it rains this afternoon. We might even go to the park, too.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Day 4 - Stress and FUN!

Sorry I didn't check in yesterday, but I am happy to report I am still chuggin' along! I still had my little nephew yesterday (all day!). We played outside, then went on a picnic at the park. All four kids had a blast at the park. I didn't get to walk around the trail, but we did do a lot of walking and playing. It felt so good to be out in the sunshine...it was 75 degrees!

I kept my eating on track all day yesterday. I finally filled my propane tank for the grill last night and fired it up! I grilled lean hamburgers and hot dogs for the kiddos. SO GOOD! It's been a long time since I've had red meat, but it was worth it. Jessica came over for dinner with her 4 boys, so there was a while there with 8 kids and it got CrAzY! It's funny how mind wandered to the bag of chips, but I didn't touch them. I was happy in all the chaos, and I really felt in control.

Yesterday I also got a compliment from an old guy friend of mine. He mentioned that every time he's seen me over the past few months that I'm smaller. It was nice to hear that from a man, I have to admit.

Last night was margarita night, so I woke up a little hungover. For breakfast I had a leftover hamburger, which I'm sure wasn't the best choice. But I know that's okay - I'll just have breakfast for dinner. And now I'm down to just my own children I will definitely have time to get on the elliptical today. The sunshine went away, and it's dreary outside today. I see laundry in my future...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Day 3 - Finally sunshine!

I am claiming today as a good day, even though I had pizza and didn't exercise. Last night I got an unexpected house guest. My 3 yr old nephew spent the night with us, along with his 11 yr old brother (the one that lives with my mom). Apparently the little one was in town unexpectedly with his dad, and he agreed to let us spend some time with him. This is the baby that my sister gave up at birth. The little boy is very pitiful. He was born drug-addicted, and it really shows in his development. He is only 1 month younger than my daughter, but is so far behind her. I am glad to be able to spend a little time with him - it' s been two years since we've got to see him.

So last night when I got home from work, he was at my house with my mom and nephew, and we decided that we would take a trip to Chuck-e-cheese today. I had a high-fiber, whole grain bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, keeping in mind that I would be eating pizza for lunch. Well, we didn't get to Chuck-e-cheese until after 3 p.m. and I was hungry. I started with the salad bar, and felt good about everything except the macaroni salad. Then I had four small slices of pizza, which I calculated to be about two average slices. I was full, but not stuffed. I played with the kiddos, and we had a great time.

When we got home, we played outside some more. It was a glorious 70 degrees outside with plenty of sunshine. When we came in at around 7 p.m., I offered the kiddos a snack, but we skipped dinner because of our late pizza lunch. I gave them an option of fruit before bed, but they all just conked out. It was a busy day. More than once I've been tempted to sneak into the kitchen, but I refuse. I felt a little hungry about an hour ago, and I had a glass of light Silk and felt satisfied.

Because of having 5 kids to watch out for, I didn't get on the elliptical today. And honestly, I'm too tired to do it right now. It's after 10 p.m., and to be honest, I'm tired! Sleep was touch and go last night. My little nephew is very sickly and coughed, snored, and wheezed all night last night. AND he peed in the bed. So I didn't get much sleep. I figure sleep is one of those important factors for weight loss that I often omit, so I'm going to bed! His dad is supposed to pick him up in the morning, so I plan on getting a long walk in with my kids tomorrow. I love this weather!

Oh, and staying on track at work last night was a bust. Clyde showed up with roses and a dozen mini Cadbury eggs (for our anniversary). Instead of handing them back to him, or throwing them in the garbage, I ate them. All. Well, all but one that I gave to a co-worker. I saved the NI so I could account for them, but I'm owning up to it because I did it and it's over.

Today I went back over the last three days and I'm quite pleased overall. I have tracked every BLT. I am eating healthy foods and paying attention to everything that goes in my mouth. I am planning, I am counting, I am measuring. AND I'm exercising! Even with the egg incident last night and the pizza today, I still think that I am making good progress. I am confident tomorrow will be even better!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Day 2 - It's my anniversary...?

Today while talking to my mom, I asked her what the date was and she informed me it was March 16. Today is my 9th wedding anniversary, and I didn't even realize it. Easy thing to do when you don't have a husband anymore... Oh, well.

This morning's breakfast was:

1/2 c. eggbeaters w/ 1 slice reduced fat cheese made into an omelet (2 pts)
2 slices of double fiber bread w/ light margarine and jelly (6 pts)
3 slices of reduced fat bacon (only 2 pts!)

Very filling and yummy. I did 45 minutes on the elliptical a couple of hours after breakfast. Last night I did 20 minutes of strength training on arms and glutes, and tried the Biggest Loser Yoga (but couldn't do much of it). I was sore this morning, but did the elliptical anyway. My knee is hurting, which sucks. I took two Aleve and it's better.

Lunch was tricky. I was planning chicken salad again, but when I started toasting frozen waffles for the kiddos, I wanted them SO bad. Then I remembered that I had some Special K waffles in the freezer. So I had waffles, too! With light syrup drizzled on, and topped with sliced strawberries and Cool Whip Lite. YUMMY! I felt like I was cheating, but was totally satisfied. Now it's time for me to go to work at LB, and I have about 30 minutes to come up with a reasonable dinner that will tide me over. I think I'll warm up a can of soup, and bring a fiber one bar to snack on.

The eating at LB is out of control. My co-workers LOVE TO EAT, and do so with no regard to fat content. It's so hard to resist when it's being shoved in your face. But I have to! Tonight I will NOT give in to fast food at work. I have a plan, and will stick to it.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

From a new perspective...

Today is my first "clean" day after two straight days of binging. I lost control Thursday night. I don't really know now what the trigger was, but it was on. Both Friday and Saturday I ate until I was stuffed and sick. Last night I knew that I couldn't live this way any longer. That person is the "old" me - it does not define who I am now. This morning when I woke up, I asked God for the strength to get my act together. I ask Him to take this dark mood away and to help me adjust my attitude.

For breakfast I started with a healthy bowl of oatmeal - the exact recipe (plus pumpkin) that I had on Thursday. After two cups of coffee, I decided that exercise was in order. I did 40 minutes on my elliptical (which makes noise but still works!). I stretched afterwards, then had lunch at around 1 p.m. I had my homemade chicken salad on two slices of Ezekiel bread. This is the first time I've tried Ezekiel break, and it was very good. I've been drinking water, and am planning dinner. If it stops raining, I may grill some chicken breasts. I've also been thinking about taco soup. In a few minutes I will run over to Publix to get some fruit since I'm currently down to a few apples.

I know I'm not the same person I used to be. I've made a lot of positive changes over the past year. I am aware of my health, and care about myself enough that I will not let myself fall back into the unhealthy eating habits that got me to 333 lbs. I am conscious about it now, where in the past I just didn't care. Although I am so lonely right now, I refuse to let negative people back in my life. A year from now I want to look back and think ...yeah, I'm glad I didn't give up. I know I say this a lot, but I refuse to give up.

I read some blogs of people who have been very successful at losing weight. One guy has lost over 200 lbs, and another woman has lost half her body weight! But it kind of irks me at how some of these people kinda look down on folks like me that don't have it together 100%. I don't think they do it on purpose, but I think the perspective is different when you're at goal. I don't think I'm a failure, and I know that my blogging friends who are also struggling are not failures either. Those people who never miss a day at the gym, and eat within their calories/points each day are no better than we are. As long as we keep getting up and fighting this battle, we are winners in this race. Why? Because think if where we'd be if we just gave up??? There is no magical solution, what works for one person will not work for everyone. I believe I will get there, though. This time I will not give up.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Much better!

Yesterday was much better. I was very happy with my food choices overall, and felt in control. My best friend and her girlfriend came over, and had requested fried chicken for dinner. I only had a couple of wings - it didn't tempt me at all. I guess it had something to do with me filling up on healthy food all day.

Today, I am really going to try to be aware of hunger signals. I can go for days at a time without being hungry at all. But yesterday, I had a huge breakfast around 9 a.m. and it was very filling. Well, my class takes lunch at 11 a.m., and that is also what time I usually eat lunch. But instead of eating, I decided to wait until I was hungry. I was trying to see just how long that oatmeal would last me if I let it. I started feeling hungry at around 1 p.m. It was then that I ate my chicken salad. I also had some fruit and crackers for snack at around 3 p.m. I honestly was not hungry at dinnertime last night. I ate 3 small wings while I was entertaining/cooking. I also ate some candy (being honest). But overall, it was a controlled day.

This morning I'm wearing a pair of my new size 24 jeans. Straight out of the dryer, they are a little loose. I can tell a big difference in the way they fit now compared to how they fit when I bought them a couple of weeks ago. TOM is leaving, and I already feel less bloated. I am SERIOUSLY making a goal to get on the elliptical tonight. I still feel sore from my long walk the other day, but I still want to keep my exercise momentum going.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Fall down seven times, get up eight...

That's a quote I got from Scale Junkie's post today. I have been falling down a lot lately, but I refuse to stay down. I have to admit, in the past I would have thrown in the towel by now. The frustration and stress in my life would have been an excuse to put off losing weight until a more "convenient" time. Well, not anymore. I will keep going. I will not quit.

Yesterday I actually did quite well. I cooked a healthy dinner (chicken enchiladas). I also walked for 65 minutes while my daughter was a soccer practice. Clyde came to practice to spend time with the two younger children, so since I didn't want to hang out with him, I brought my tennis shoes and hit the track. My goal was to do 20 minutes (which I estimated was a mile). But about 15 minutes in, one of my friends from church caught up with me and we started talking and walking. Before I knew it an hour had went by. We finished our lap and my total time was 65 minutes. I was worn out, but felt so good! I am sore today, but it's worth it. I figure that with our 5K being a month away, my daughter and I need to start walking as much as possible to train.

I just had a HUGE oatmeal bowl this morning - very filling, but lots of points. It had:

1/2 c. oatmeal
1 c. 1% milk
2 tbsp. flax seed
splenda and pumpkin pie spice
1 tbs. each of walnuts, butterscotch chips, and coconut
1/2 maple Cliff bar

It was really good. I have homemade chicken salad for lunch on high-fiber bread, and grapes and apples for snack.

Gotta take a student to class...BBL

Monday, March 9, 2009

Mood adjustment

I have been in a really funky mood this weekend, and of course it has affected my eating. I was not OP this weekend, but it could have been a lot worse. First, TOM arrived on Friday morning, and I feel so bloated and crampy. Uggh. Then I was in a wreck on Friday evening. No one was hurt, but it smashed my truck up and really shook me up. It was my fault - I rear-ended someone. I felt so stupid. So I went home and crashed Friday night feeling mentally and physically exhausted.

Saturday I had to be at work at 10 a.m. I woke up late and went to work with no lunch and stopped for an iced latte on the way. I ate Chinese food from the food court for lunch, and immediately felt like a failure. My BFF texted me when i got off from work at 5 and invited me out with her and her friend on Sat. night, so I agreed to go to cheer myself up. I went to the Lane Bryant retail store (I work at an outlet) and bought two shirts and a pair of jeans because it was a special promo for employees and we got 55% off. I thought I looked so cute when I left. But while we were out on Sat. night, my friend took a lot of pictures and I looked TERRIBLE in every one of them. I just looked so FAT and DISGUSTING. It totally killed my mood, and along with the fact that I didn't like the club we went to, I did not have much fun. I come home feeling very low about myself. Then when I discovered the big cigarette burn in my new shirt (don't know where it came from), the night was officially a bust.

I had to be at work at 11 a.m. yesterday, and started the morning with a good breakfast of an omelet with high-fiber toast. By lunch I was not very hungry, but I walked around the mall and ended up in the food court again. I walked out, but then ended up in the candy store! I skipped BOTH the food court and the candy store, and drove down the street and got a Jr. burger with no mayo (6 pts) and a sample of ice cream instead. I felt good about that, but then after I got home I started eating everything in sight! What the hell is wrong with me? My head is TOTALLY not in the game.

So I decided this morning that I need an attitude/mood adjustment. I tried to reflect on why I am sabotaging my weight loss efforts. I feel like crap because I'm fat, so I eat more and feel even worse. Which makes me fatter...you see the cycle. I am also tired. I don't sleep well, and I work all the time. And then there's the stress that is my life right now. So much has happened in the past several months. Yeah, things are better, but still not where I would like them to be. I'm stressed about my future - not just my marriage and my children, but also about school and my career. My house is messy, and sometimes my children drive me nuts. I need a vacation.

Good thing, is that next week I'll get a two-week vacation from school. I am only scheduled to work at LB a few of those days, so I am PRAYING that it will be restful. I hope it is an opportunity to clear my head and to get more organized at home. I would love to plan a menu and take long walks with my kids. I would love to play a lot at the park and watch TV in bed. I would love to sleep late and eat breakfast with my kids. I would also love to be in control of my eating the whole time. Yeah, I think some time off will be a good thing. Something's gotta give... Only five more days!

Friday, March 6, 2009

5K, Vitatops, and Pizza

Man, I forgot to mention a few things on my previous post. I also have a NSV I'd like to share.

First, I have officially signed up for my FIRST 5K! I will be walking it with my daughter and my nephew on April 4. I turned in our entry fee and forms today. I'm excited about it, and it will be incentive to get out and start walking around the neighborhood and at the park during this warm weather to "train". The 5K is a fundraiser that our school system is having to promote awareness of childhood obesity. The money raised will help pay for a new playground at my son's school.

Second, I am interested in purchasing some VitaTops. I hear so many people talk about how good they are, but they are expensive. Any input about which kind is the best, or where I can find an online coupon would be great.

Ok, so I just had a NSV. Today is cheese pizza and french fries day at school - my favorite. There's something about school pizza and french fries that brings back warm, fuzzy feelings from childhood. This morning I was running late, so I just grabbed a SmartOnes entree out of the freezer. Last night, I had made some point-friendly pimento cheese from a recipe I got on the Kath Eats Real Food blog, but I didn't have time. So I told you in my previous post how my oatmeal and bowl melted in the micro at work this morning, so I didn't really have breakfast. When I took the class to lunch and saw the pizza, I almost caved. But instead of our regular fries, they had steak fries, which I don't care for.

So about 30 minutes later, one of our students came in from guidance with a lunch tray, and BEHOLD, it had the regular seasoned fries on it. So I dashed off to the cafeteria to get a school lunch - forget the SmartOnes. When I got in there, they had the good fries, but now only had sausage pizza (which I don't like). I contemplated getting the sausage pizza and picking it off, but that defeats the purpose, really. I came back to the classroom, then headed to the micro with my SmartOnes. It just wasn't in the cards for me to make that bad choice, I guess.

So while I was at the micro, the other teachers from my pod came in to eat their usual Friday Chinese take-out. It smelled so good, but I know how fattening it is. Funny thing, is that most of the women in the group attend my WW At-work meeting. But as they were sitting their eating their General Tso chicken and lo-mein and fried rice, I was standing their looking like a Weight Watchers poster child with my SmartOnes. If they only knew....LOL!

I love Fridays!

Yesterday was another good day of eating. I did use some WAP's, though, because I ate the last 1/2 of my son's Subway turkey sub. Greedy, yes, I know. But I journaled it and accounted for it. No late night eating, no binging. Water, fruits and veggies, healthy choices. I didn't get a walk in, but did a lot of walking around three different stores. Yes, it was a good day.

This morning I woke up to stress, with both Clyde and his father calling me while I'm trying to get myself and my children ready for work. I told them both where to go and moved on. I brought my little oatmeal packet to work for b'fast, and wasn't paying attention while it was microwaving. The bowl and my oatmeal melted and exploded, so no breakfast for me. I also didn't have time to make coffee this morning. But I had brought a huge bowl of strawberries to work to snack on, so I ate those instead of opting for the school cafeteria breakfast. I have a SmartOnes and a banana and a FiberPlus bar, so hopefully I will be okay today. I know I have a lot of running around to do after work today, so hopefully I can stay strong and stay away from all fast food except for Subway.

I work both Sat. and Sun. at Lane Bryant this weekend. I vow to plan ahead so I can stay on track this weekend. I know I can do it! I just have to focus and keep my eyes on the end result. I really want that Weight Watchers award for 25 lbs on Tuesday. See, although I have lost over 25 lbs, my Weight Watchers numbers are a little behind my own numbers. I have been hovering within 1 lb. of that 25 lbs. award since I started back, and I'm determined to get it on Tuesday. I'm only .6 lbs away.

Only one more week of school until Spring Break! Yay! Then I'll have two weeks off (paid) to have fun with my kids. I hope the weather is nice so that we can do a lot of outdoor activities and get a lot of exercise in. I am SO much more motivated to exercise when the weather is nice. We have a great park not too far from my house that I love to walk at. The track circles around the park, so my kids can play while I walk. Sometimes they'll even walk with me. It's great!

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Now that's better!

Yesterday was a day that was completely on program! That's more like it! Journaled everything, and felt really good at the end of the day. Right before I went to bed I had that cereal craving, but I overcome and just went to bed. My body already feels better.

The weather is warming up here in Tennessee, and I plan to get out and start walking this afternoon. I have got to start some sort of exercise to get this weight coming off. I think it will also keep my eating on track, too. I still haven't decided about joining the fitness center. I think I might try to just try walking and my DVD's first before I spend the money. But I really keep thinking about the pool this summer. It has a large outdoor pool that's almost like a recreation park. My kids love it, and we have so much fun when we go. But since I don't know what my working situation will be this summer (no job when school's out), I'm hesitant to make a decision.

I want to thank all my blogger friends for the encouragement and motivation you all give me. A lot of us are struggling, but it helps me tremendously to know that I'm not alone. It also helps me when I see a friend that is still trying despite the physical and emotional obstacles we face. I read a lot of blogs each day, even though I don't comment on them all. But they all help me so much. Like someone said the other day, in my world the days that I'm reading/writing blogs are the days I stay on track. Thank you!

I reconnected with another old friend last night, which was nice. I love being social and having friends again. I feel so much peace in my life right now, and one month ago I couldn't have imagined that it would be possible to feel this way so fast. Sure, I still have a lot of stress and obstacles to overcome. Sure, I'm broke as hell with three children. But I am happy with my life. I feel like I've made a great decision, and I am so optimistic about my future.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Sick and tired...literally.

The weekend didn't go well. I ate too much, made poor choices, and didn't journal a thing. I don't have an excuse, so I'll move on.

Sunday night the baby got sick, so I was up all night with her. Took her to the doctor yesterday morning, and she has sinus issues and an ear infection. She seems to be much better already. But last night I was WIPED out. I went to bed early, and woke up feeling terrible this morning. I have an earache and my throat is sore. Uggh.

So I faced the scale this morning, because I knew I needed to get a total loss/gain for February. It was worse than I expected. 307.4. That's a 6.4 lb GAIN since last WI, and put me at a 3 lb. GAIN for the month of February. I'm really pissed off at myself for backsliding, but I'm not going to let it consume me. I'm back on track RIGHT NOW, and that's all that matters.

I was reading Lyn's blog yesterday (Escape from Obesity), and I was really encouraged by the way she doesn't give up. She admits her stumbles and moves on. She doesn't give up. I contemplated for one moment this morning not posting the exact amount of weight I'd gained because I was embarrassed and didn't want to let down the people who follow my blog. But I thought about Lyn and her post from yesterday. I decided to hold myself accountable, post the damage, and get my ass back on track for March. I can do this - I CAN DO THIS. But I've got to start paying attention and focusing on me.

On a side note, I finally got my garage unpacked enough so I can use my elliptical. Problem is ITS BROKEN! WTH! Apparently the drum got bent during the move, so the pedals wouldn't even move when I unfolded it. I pried it out enough so now it will go, but it makes a terrible scraping noise. I was sick to my stomach about this. That elliptical cost me about $900 a year ago. I think I may still be able to use it, but I hate to make it worse. I have been contemplating joining our local fitness center for some time - mainly so the kiddos and I can use their awesome pool this summer, but also so that I can use their fitness equipment. I might need to reconsider doing that. It's only $200 for a six-month membership (including child care), but I am so afraid to spend money right now.

Weight watchers is after school today, and hopefully it will go well. I really depend on those meetings for motivation, but lately it seems like our meetings are lacking something. I don't feel a connection with our leader anymore - I don't know what's up with that. It's time to renew our At-work membership, and I will do it, though. Like I said, I need that accountability.