Monday, February 9, 2009

When will it ever stop...

The drama in my life is driving me insane. I don't know how much more I can take. I am so stressed out, and I've finally succumed to emotional eating. I've been eating badly, with no regard to my plan. I've been eating donuts like I should be eating salad. I know I need to do better, and I will. I'm not giving up.

I tried to finish moving this weekend. We worked all day Saturday and Sunday, and got almost everything done. I have a load of trash and another load of odds and ends that I will do today, then I will be done. Then starts the unpacking process. The new place is a mess! It's so overwhelming. I found out Friday that Clyde has been doing drugs again. The refund money I gave him Friday morning to find an apartment was gone by Friday night. Saturday and Sunday he did stick around to help me move. We got along great, and then he informed me yesterday he needed another $1000! WTF! So I gave him $500 and told him that was it. The well was dry. Last night he called to inform me he had checked into a weekly-rate motel.

This morning I was pulled out of my class for a phone call from a woman at Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville. Apparently, Clyde was attacked and robbed this morning at around 6 a.m. Someone found him laying outside of his car with no wallet and no phone. They were running tests on him and couldn't tell me the extent of his injuries, and the police were involved. The woman told me she would call me back, and when she did he had been discharged. Apparently he had another ride from the hospital. This tells me the incident was totally drug related.

At first I was so torn about whether or not I should leave work to rush to his side. I felt so selfish when I decided that he needed to deal with it himself, and that if he needed me he would call me. Well, since he still hasn't called, I guess he doesn't want me involved. I do admit that I'm afraid he will come to my house this afternoon to see if he can get more money. I'm a little afraid of what he'll do if I say no again. But I do know that if he threatens me at all I WILL call the police this time. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of him being so unpredictable. I'm tired of this drama.


  1. Don't feel guilty or selfish... he is a grown man, you're helping him by taking care of your kids without his help... he's getting a break there.

    Be careful, and little by little if you can maybe you should considering cutting tides with him, that's what I have to do to my daughter's father. He never asks for anything, but is always stringing my daughter along...

    I'm praying for you.

  2. I am praying for you too. (And I am reminding myself of the great power of prayer...)

    I feel sort of sorry for Clyde, so I can imagine how you must be feeling! But I figure if he got himself out of the hospital without you, then he can do the rest without you too.

    I know you said you would, but please DO CALL THE POLICE IF HE THREATENS you again.

    And stick to your guns about giving him no more money -- don't feel guilty about it either. He obviously needs to hit rock-bottom in order to make his changes. If you give him money, you're just keeping him from hitting bottom a little longer.

    Giving him money just "enables" him to stay high a little longer.

    Keep the faith, sister!

  3. Please don't feel guilty. Feeling selfish, well you should. You need to think about you and your children. Clyde is the "master of his own ship" and he will have to deal with his problems on his own. He has "used you up".

    Get a grip girl, you need to take care of yourself. You can't do that if you continually help him first!

    Good luck. Sending prayers your way!

  4. Please be careful. Like the other ladies said no need to feel guilty or selfish. You are taking care of yourself and the children which comes first. Please call the police if he won't leave you alone. I'm praying for you and the kids.

  5. Don't feel bad for him. He made the choice to do drugs and you do not need that in your life.
    Don't give him anymore money since he bought drugs with what you gave him to get an apartment. Don't feel guilty about saying no to him. Call the police if he shows up and starts a fight.
    You will get through this. You are a strong woman!


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