Wednesday, October 10, 2018

November 15

First off... I think it's absolutely HILARIOUS that my last post on this blog was about my decision to have weight loss surgery. Because as of yesterday, it's absolutely happening.

November 15 is the day. Plane tickets are purchased. Beach recovery house is booked.

I. Can't. Wait.

I just renewed this domain for another year. I contemplated letting it go (like I let skinnyhollie.com go last year). But something just told me to hold on. Don't let the blog go just yet.

But who reads blogs anymore? I sure don't. It seems like a waste of space, right?

Thing is... I need an outlet right now. I am DYING TO SHARE this journey to WLS. My immediate family and friends know. A few co-workers (since I will be absent a few days). But that's it. I really don't want to broadcast it on social media because I don't really want comments or attention (and announcing it seems attention-seeking to me). But I don't want people to think I'm keeping it a secret, either. Because it's my decision and I'm not ashamed of it at all.

I just don't want it to be another "thing" I'm doing. I want surgery to be THE thing I'm doing to steer my identity away from weight loss/diets/fatness. I want to create a new me that is known for something else. I want to focus on living my best life without my focus always being on what I do or don't eat or how much I weigh at this point in my life.

I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. My knees are DONE. My feet hurt. My obesity is taking it's toll on my body. I'm only 42 and I just need some relief.

And it's NOT taking the easy way out. I know this. BUT, I think this tool will help me.

Over the past year, I've been on track for months at a time with no progress. Keto isn't even working for weight loss (yes, it still makes me feel amazing). So I've been in this pattern of doing really well for a couple of months, then I get discourage because the scale doesn't move, then I decide to have one cheat meal, then I binge for 2 months. And repeat.

One good thing that's happened this year is that I've fell in love with exercise. I've consistently gone to bootcamp since February. I love it. But I've slacked the past few weeks because of my knee pain. Being overweight makes bootcamp so much harder. And even though I PUSH myself to do it, it's starting to physically hurt me (despite making me stronger).

SO, a few weeks ago I decided to re-visit WLS. I'm not scared. I tried to lose weight AGAIN for a whole year with no success. Why not? What do I have to lose (except for weight)?

I want to workout. I want to get strong and change my body. I want to be healthy.

So, I'm going to just do it.