Friday, February 19, 2016

Milestones and Fear

Today was another big milestone for me... I am officially down 25 lbs! I weighed in this morning at 291 lbs. So close to the 280's already!

My clothes are looser, So loose that I will probably go dig some of my size 18's out of storage this weekend so I can start using them for motivation. Even my UNDERWEAR are fitting better! I'm excited. Making progress and FEELING progress are two separate animals. When you can feel your progress, it makes the journey so worth it.

Tomorrow will mark three solid weeks since I fully committed to a Ketogenic lifestyle. I say "lifestyle" because it's definitely not a temporary weight loss fix. I've tried explaining it to some, but it's hard to emphasize that this won't work unless you are RIGID in your food template. You can't cheat. And you have to stay within your carb/protein/fat range.

It's getting easier for me, and my cravings and hunger have pretty much disappeared. This plan is worth eliminating sugar and most carbs. My body works better and I feel amazing. But this plan isn't for everyone. Some people don't have to be this drastic. But I do. At least for now. Even at a "goal" weight, I will continue to eat this way. I will most likely follow more of a paleo food template way down the road because I would like some fruit. But I will commit to low-carb and higher fat for the long haul. I believe in the plan.

Now that I finally feel like my eating is on the right track, I've been thinking more about my workouts. Last week, I felt inspired and made an appointment for a meeting with a personal trainer. He said that we would meet, go over nutrition and my goals, and then he would assign me a trainer. I told him that I already had a nutrition plan, but he seemed to sort of ignore that when he mentioned it again at the end of the conversation.

I chickened out at our first appointment, Then I rescheduled for two days later and chickened out on that appointment, too.

I don't think I'm ready for a personal trainer. Well, not like this seemed to be set up.

First of all, fear and anxiety make me very nervous sometimes at the gym. Especially because I'm still very overweight. And I'm a female that is interested in lifting more weights. And I don't know what I'm doing and feel intimidated.

Second of all, sometimes "fit" people assume that I'm just some lazy fat-ass that doesn't know anything about nutrition or exercise and come at me like I'm stupid. Even when I try to explain to them that I know the basics, I study and obsess over nutrition and diet and have done so for many years. My problem is not KNOWING better, it's DOING better. And don't let me get started on the food addiction portion... many people in the fitness world just think that's bullshit. They think that it's really calories in and calories out.

But it's not that easy.

So for now, it just doesn't feel right. And yes, I'm scared to really jump out of my comfort zone.

So for now I'm walking. I'm walking around my neighborhood, and I'm also walking during my 1/2 hour lunch break at school. And it's more challenging than I thought it would be. I bumped my fitbit goal to 10,000 steps and it's been hard to get there everyday. Which is probably a good thing. Challenge is good. And the scale has moved this week despite me being sick with a cold.

So I've decided that instead of just doing the elliptical and cardio at the gym, I will walk on days it's sunny or days that I don't have time for the gym. And I will go to the gym on rainy days or days when I have more time. And when I do go to the gym, I will do a full body weights circuit that I found on the JEFit app instead of all cardio. The routine uses the weights machines and I'm pretty comfortable with them.

And I will work my way up. OR I might luck out and find a trainer or program that is perfect for me!