Monday, September 1, 2014

September 1... Starting over

I made up my mind this weekend that today, September 1, 2014, would be my "new" starting point on this weight loss journey. 

I am out of control. 

Although my goals are always in sight, I have officially fallen off the weight loss wagon. Hell, I've fallen off and got run over by it.

I am not eating according to my goals at all. This past month has been rough. School started, and the stress just started rolling in. And a new job assignment (I'm still teaching) just added to it.

Did I mention that I fell and hurt my knee at work less than a week into the school year? Yeah... So I'm not allowed to do any type of exercise that I like - only the recumbent bike that I HATE! I'm not even motivated to go to the gym. 

I'm not motivated at all. I just eat. And eat some more. And I feel sick because I know I'm out of control. So it makes me depressed. And work makes me stressed out. So I eat more. Because that's always the solution, right?

Well, I shouldn't have been surprised to see this number this morning.

But I was. I've been hovering between 270 - 275 lbs all month. I DID NOT expect to be this close to 280 this morning. I was disgusted. Horrified. Discouraged. Angry. 

But also determined. I know what to do. I have cleared all the "bad" stuff out of my house and replaced it with "good" stuff. I have hopefully set myself up for a good week. An awesome week.

I know it will be hard. I'm choosing low-carb, no sugar/sweets/bread. I know this works for me... even though my food addiction tells me that eliminating food groups isn't the answer. But deep down I know that I just can't handle moderation. I need to go cold turkey and get the sugar out of my system. I am an addict. 

What works for some does NOT work for all. Why is it that we don't tell an alcoholic or drug addict to use in moderation, but we tell food addicts that it's okay? It's not okay for me. It's not. (and I will have to remind myself of this in a few days when I'm jonesing for some sugar)...

I won't post these on Instagram or Facebook right now because I'm embarrassed. But here's my new "before" pics. I know a lot of this puffiness is bloat. But I still feel awful. I'm so disappointed.