Monday, January 21, 2013

Enough


When I made the HUGE decision on December 4 to eliminate sugar and most carbs from my diet, I knew that it was a decision based on health, not necessarily one to lose weight. I'm 36... getting close to 37. At the time I was close to 315 lbs... My health was at risk. Week after week that has gone by, I feel like a healthier person. My heart burn is gone, my body hurts less, I have more energy... I just FEEL better. I believe that I'm healthier.

My diet these days still consists of lean meat (chicken, turkey and fish mostly), fruit, veggies, eggs, cheese, and the occasional sweet potato fries. I'm drinking more smoothies in the mornings because they are quick and tasty (using designer whey or vi-shake protein powder). I occasionally eat a meal replacement bar (I found some great ones with only 10 carbs and lots of protein). But for the most part, I try to stick to WHOLE, UNPROCESSED FOOD. My body likes it.

Not long after I started my no-sugar/low-carb days, I started tracking religiously. I try to stay around 100 carbs, and I found that my "comfortable eating days" usually fell around 1200+ calories. My Fitness Pal and LoseIt both had me at around 1690 calories for my age, weight, and activity level. But 1200+ felt like plenty, so I changed my budget to 1299 calories and pretty much stick with that. I try to get as much protein as I can and not go over 100 carbs (unless I have a lot of fruit). And eat real food... which I think makes me feel fuller and more satisfied. I never really worried about if I was getting enough calories, because I am full!

The other day (by accident, really) I went over my calorie budget by about 200 calories. The next morning when I did my daily scale ritual, I expected a slight gain. But I had an almost 2 lb drop from the day before! So I went back through my food journal, and the days that I'm closer to my 1299 budget, I usually lose weight. But on the days that I only eat around 1000-1100 calories, I stay the same or show a slight gain... And the days where I exercise and have a huge deficit, same thing. Stay the same or a slight gain.

Does this mean that I need to be eating more calories? Right now, my weight is fluctuating between 289-291... which is still a lot. I'm 5'8"... so pretty tall for a woman. Is my body actually trying to tell me to feed it more? Am I accidentally slowing down my metabolism?

Am I eating enough? It feels like enough... 


My personal life is still kind of wacky right now. On top of one of my kids having the flu last week, and another having a bad cold-type virus, I missed a lot of work. My ex-husband is making terrible choices with his life...which affects me because I'm no longer receiving financial support, or ANY damned support for my children. And my kids are sad. Which makes me pissed off.... But anyway. Those are his choices...

I'm still making the choice to be the best Hollie I can be. No excuses. I know I can be enough for me and my children. My world revolves around them, and now I have even more incentive to keep pushing forward with positive changes in my life. This is my year. Making myself better will make my kids have a better mom, my students have a better teacher, and my friends will have a better friend.

The possibilities for my future are suddenly amazing. I'm so excited to live life now. I'm definitely changing from the inside out. I finally love ME!