Sunday, December 2, 2012

CrazyHollie




I have went crazy. Nuts. Bonkers.

I have decided to give up sugar during the Christmas holiday season.

Well, sugar is a strong term to use. My concentration is mostly on sweet stuff. Donuts, cake, pastries, pie, syrups and sweet tea... stuff that I REALLY like.

And know, deep down, that I'm addicted to.

Something hit me the other day after a text with my friend, Crys. She was telling me about another blogger friend who is opting to have gastric bypass. A part of me felt jealous... still not sure why. I think it has something to do with me seeing Cry's amazing success with it, and knowing that yet another person that I know of will be getting that same success while I'm stuck in the same morbidly obese body. So, while I'm chastising myself for feeling this way, I remind myself that even with WLS, you have to work your butt off. It's not easy (like some people think). There are all kinds of restrictions, sugar being one of the top ones. 

That got me to thinking, that if I had WLS today, I'd still have a hard time with giving up sugar. Because I'm an addict. So why not just give up sugar... now?

If I'm honest with myself, I KNOW that going sugar free seems impossible because I am so dependent on it. My love affair with sugar started before I was even in control of it. My baby teeth were rotten from sugar and soda by the time I was two. I remember sweet treats as far back as my memory goes. Sweets when you're happy, sweets when you're sad. Even as an adult, my mom and I used to love to shop the day-old cakes, pies and pastry shelf at Kroger or Walmart. I love anything sweet.

But if I'm ever going to lose weight and keep it off for good, I'm going to have to let it go. Now.

I don't want to wait until New Years. I want to start now. Well, yesterday was my "official" start date. But I didn't think it through very well, since I had a birthday party and an open house yesterday. And I ate cake at the birthday party, and while I was still "high", I at marshmallows dipped in chocolate fondue at the open house. Of course I felt ashamed an hour later because I'd failed on my first day, but I didn't give my day away and promise to start "tomorrow". I stayed clean for the rest of the day.

And so far today the only sweet indulgence I had was a Luna bar that I found in the bottom of my purse. That was after I passed up cupcakes at the grocery store in exchange for a honey crisp apple that cost me $2. It was worth it.

I think each day will get better. The cravings are there, and I know the temptation will be great. And I know I'm crazy for trying again, but I really think it's the key. If I can kick the sweets, I think the rest of the refined carbs will follow. I don't love bread, rice, and potatoes. Just all things made with flour and sugar! It's a start, one that I hope I can maintain!