Sunday, November 25, 2012

Fighting Fear

It's been a great week. I started out the week full of resolve to just IMPROVE my diet and to drink more water. I think I did pretty darned good, considering in the past I would have just waited until the holiday was over.

My school week was short... only Monday and Tuesday. We left for Missouri on Tuesday night because my family had planned to celebrate Thanksgiving on Wednesday since my sisters and niece all work in retail and had to work Thursday night. This worked out great. My mom was able to leave the nursing home for the day, so I got so much good time with her and everyone else. The food was amazing, but I didn't stuff myself. I had two slices of pie... there were five pies, though. But this was my ONE DAY not to worry, but just enjoy myself.

I love this pic of my mom and kids. I truly treasure the times I have with her now. But the Alzheimer's is getting worse every time I visit.

Here is a pic of me and my mom and two of my sisters. Some major cropping happened to most of the pics with me in it, but this one is unedited. I'm determined not to let a picture define how I feel about myself. It's so hard, though.

We left Missouri Wed night, drove 4.5 hours back to TN, then left again at 5 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning for the 7 hour trek to southern GA to celebrate the holiday with Mr. L's father and family. Fun times are guaranteed with Mr. L's family. We left there Thursday night and drive 2 more hours to Tallahassee, FL to see his mom and step-dad. We spend the night there, then headed back Friday afternoon. It was a whirlwind trip but we got to spend quality time with everyone and we all had so much fun.

Yesterday, I had a little me time. After spending close to 30 hours in a car with my four kids over three days, I think I deserved it! During that time (and also during the 9 hr drive back from FL) I did a lot of reflecting about where my weight loss goals are going, and NEED to be going. I set a few goals that I'm excited about.

By January 2014, I want to lose 100 lbs. for my 20-year high school reunion. I set this same goal 10 years ago for my 10-year reunion, and met it! I know I can do it again, and I have 13 months to get there.

Also, most people close to me know that I plan on moving to Florida in the next few years. I've always wanted to live there, and after my oldest two graduate in 2015, I think it will be a good time to make that transition. SO my 2nd goal is to get to and maintain my goal weight before I move. I have about 150 lbs to lose all together, so if I reach my 1st goal, I'll be well on my way to the 2nd.

Just having these goals makes me feel really good. I feel so motivated right now. I even went on a 1.5 hour hike with Brooke today to hopefully push myself back into fitness. I almost backed out several times this morning, but I went and I'm glad I did. I realized that a lot of my problem is just fear. I'm afraid to fail AGAIN. But somewhere during that walk I realized that the only way to move forward is to fight that fear every day. As much as I want it, actually succeeding at weight loss is still scary to me. It's out of my comfort zone, in a way. As UNCOMFORTABLE as I am right now, I think I'm so used to being this weight that it's scary to think about life outside this zone.

I'm really trying to work on me right now--- mind and body. Like I said earlier... this was a good first week back in the game despite the holiday. I'm ready to ROCK next week!