Wednesday, August 1, 2012

What day is it?

I knew that all hell would break loose when school started, and I was right! It's been so busy for the last 3 days. Yes... we are already back to school. Our school year started on July 30!

Although I've packed my gym clothes all three days I've yet to make it. I really WANT to get back into a routine, but its so hard right now. I didn't leave my classroom until 6:15 today, then had to rush home and feed my kids. Craziness.

Well, through all the madness, I've pretty much decided to join Weight Watcher's. Again. I know it's a shift in gears, but hey... what else would you expect from me!?!? Seriously, I've tossed the thought around for about a month, and after about five people close to me encouraged me to try it again, I started to think about it. It has worked for me in the past. I have NEVER felt like I'm on a diet with WW... which could be good or bad. But I need a plan.

I have fell off the wagon big time. The no-sugar plan backfired in my face... again. I hated it, I tried, and I hated it even more. I didn't have energy to work out. I was sad and unhappy. My mood was terrible. Yes, I know these are all withdrawal symptoms... but I just can't deal with depression right now. Too much going on.

So I thought that I could relax just a little bit. What a joke. I was in a full-out binge by Sunday night that had me up all night sick as a dog. Without time to think for the past three days, it's been hard to recover. But today was a good day, and I plan on trying to keep on that path.

I know I am sick. My brain is just so screwed up when it comes to weight loss. This summer's failed attempt at fitness and weight loss REALLY hit me hard. I tried so hard, and still couldn't make it happen. Just typing it has me almost in tears. I wanted so badly for the Body by Vi to work because I really love the product. I wanted so badly to see results from so much time spent in the gym. I'm so let down.

But since quitting is not an option, I have to keep going. But I NEED A STRUCTURED PROGRAM. People with the best intentions tell me that it's just about eating clean and staying process-food-free. But it's so much more than that. So much more. I am disordered when it comes to eating. And I think my body has just gave up, too.

I am going to try to pick up insurance during open enrollment in October so I can go see a doctor. I really think I have something medical going on with my thyroid or metabolism. My efforts this summer should have worked. But they didn't.

Until then, I need to get out of this diet mindset or I am going to lose my damned mind. I am tired of deprivation. Yes, I am addicted to sugar, but I need a 12-step program... I can't just quit cold turkey! Not now, at least. I have to be able to function.

I think Weight Watcher's couldn't hurt. I haven't tried the new plan, but when I put it out on FB that I was considering starting, I got a lot of positive feedback. I've tried everything else... I might as well try something that's worked in the past.

The only thing I am still hung up on is whether or not to do online or meetings. I do not like meetings, but they may provide more support? Will I get accountability online? Online is definitely cheaper...

I am also going to join my new gym this week, so hopefully that will be a good move, too. It's super close to my house, so I think I'll be more likely to run back out for a quick workout than I am now. My current gym is close to my job, but far enough from home that I am usually not willing to drive back across town once I'm already at home. Plus, the hours at the new gym are MUCH better. Open earlier and close later. Gotta love that.

Sorry for the ramble, but I am so brain-dead I'm surprised I even posted. I will hopefully have better news the next time I check in.

For now, I am going to close with this pic my friend Elizabeth shared on my FB wall today. Love it.