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Thursday, July 19, 2012

Day 61 - Throwing in the Towel

Yesterday was a bad day... one of those days where you cry so much that you have to take your contacts out because your eyes are so swollen and puffy.

It started at 6 a.m.

I actually jumped up out of bed, pretty excited. It was day 60 of my challenge... time to weigh in and take measurements. I have also been taking progress pictures with just bra and panties... My daughter helped me take the pictures, which I quickly downloaded and compared to last months, and the ones I took on my start day.

Once again, I could tell NO difference. So, thinking my eyes had deceived me, I measured. SURELY I had lost some inches, right?

Nope. No change in my chest or waist. I lost one inch in my thigh area...

But by then I'd already lost it.

SIXTY DAMNED DAYS OF DIET AND EXERCISE FOR WHAT? NOTHING?

I know that I'm not perfect, but I also know that I haven't been this consistent in years. I count every calorie.I drink my shakes. I go to the gym 3 - 5 times per week. I lift weights.

I have been doing everything I am supposed to do, with no results.

The scale showed a TWO POUND loss, which is really great since it hasn't moved in a month, but I was too upset to celebrate.

Disgusted.
Discouraged.
Disappointed.
Damaged.
Damned?

It totally ruined my day. What else can I do?

I got so much encouragement on Facebook, and from my BFF's that I texted, but I still feel felt like a complete failure.

Am I just destined to be fat? Is it time to just throw in the towel and admit defeat?

Hell, no. As mad as I was am, I am still not going to quit. I am doing something wrong, and I am just mad enough right now to keep trying to find it.

I did some really hard reflection. I eat out too much. I could be more strict with my calories. I re-calculated my calories based on NROL, and they recommend the same amount that MFP does, so that's right (I think).

So my next step... eliminating/reducing refined sugar. I REALLY was trying to avoid it, but it just seems inevitable. I just don't think my body can function with it anymore and lose weight at the same time. Diabetes runs in my family... maybe that's it? Not really sure, and since I'm uninsured, I can't go to the doctor and get anything checked. I just know that I at least need to try.

Not really sure what to do about the Vi-shakes, either. Is it a coincidence that the ONE TIME in a month that the scale moves is after I stop the shakes? That is the only thing I changed about my diet last week... But I miss them so much. I bought other protein powder... two different kinds... and neither does it for me like the Vi-shakes. I don't know what to do about that...

But I do know that starting tomorrow, I have sugar rules. For 30 days...

1. no added sugar
2. fruit is allowed
3. protein powder is allowed (the Vi-shakes and the protein powder I have on hand has very little sugar)
3. no white stuff (sugar, bread, rice, potatoes)

After 30 days (enough time to detox, hopefully), I will add back whole grains and allow myself the occasional sweet treat (if I still want it by then).

Just like my friend, Crys, told me yesterday... if it's the sugar that is keeping my from losing weight, I will know right away after I eliminate it. I should start losing fairly quickly, especially if I keep up my exercise routine.

Even though I know it's going to be hard, and even though I have tricked myself into believing that I would not have to eliminate anything in my diet to lose weight... I am praying this works.

Something has to give over the next 30 days. I can't take another experience like yesterday.

23 comments:

  1. I have faith in you miss Hollie! Lets do this! I have hit this time and time again but there is other ways.... water, water, water! Usually the forgotten item. Let those in your support group know if you need some help. We are all pushing for you!
    Pete www.myfitnesspete.blogspot.com

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  2. wow, i can only imagine how hard that must have been for you after all the work you're doing. I know I would feel like giving up too. But good for you for keeping going. Exercise is good for your heart so it's not just about losing weight anyway. But as someone who has over 100 lbs. to lose myself, i know how much I depend on that scale going down. Good luck babe.

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  3. wow...
    your success really inspire not only me, i think but also all people who are fighting with the weight gain.

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  4. I'm sorry that you are feeling discouraged. I'm in the same place when it comes to the scale except I lack the courage to step on it at the moment. Hopefully I can remedy that asap.

    Good luck with everything! :(

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  5. Hey Hollie, I hear you. When I rely on my "eyes" and my "scale" to affirm my weight loss, I have almost always run into trouble. For me - my eyes, unfortunately are powered by a system with years of thought patterns which all say "You are fat" (by brain). And my scale, unfortunately, is merely a tool which reflects what I expect from the eyes/brain.

    I'm not saying that my eyes and my scale are worthless, but I am saying that I've chosen to rely more on how I feel, more than those tools, to gauge my weight loss success. Additionally, I actually refuse to look at myself in the mirror (nor step on a scale) if I am feeling fat! This stuff works for me, not because I'm special, but because quantum physics tells us that this how our universe actually works.

    However you chose to do thing today - know that I am here rooting for you and cheering your journey. Thank you for sharing it with us so honestly!

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  6. I think you will be shocked. I have cut out the obvious "white" stuff for two months now and the weight has been coming off slow but steady. Be prepared for some withdrawal symptoms. I think you made a great choice! Can't wait to hear the results!

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  7. I absolutely know first hand how frustrating that can be! {{hugs}}

    But you too are determined and will find something that works...I am sure.

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  8. I noticed a big difference when I cut out all wheat - anything with flour in it. So no bread, pasta, baked goods, breading on food, crackers, most processed stuff. I get my carbs from brown rice, sweet potatoes, fruits and veggies. I decided to go wheat free the month of July to see how it goes. My cravings have gone WAY down. I feel so much fuller longer and the scale started to move again. Good luck!

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  9. I have nothing but admiration for you. As someone who is just starting their weight loss journey, your blog is a much needed life line for me.

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  10. Hollie I am also doing the 90 day challenge with Visalus. I promise you you stick to the shakes two times a day, eat healthy snacks and a healthy meal that they work. I have been my challenge for about 3 weeks and I have lost 8 pounds. You have to drink lots of water. There is so much fiber packed into these shakes. So if you don't flush it out with water it will just sit in your gut. What kit are you on? You may need a different kit to help
    Speed up your metabolism. Feel free to contact me I would love to help you and anyone else that is looking to start their own health journey.

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  11. Hollie this is my first time reading your blog. I'm looking for weight loss stories of 'real' people and yours seems about as real and close to mine as I've seen. I have given up on my weight loss plans after having weigh-ins like the one you had and I've always regretted it. Keep your head up and know that you and your story and how you handle these bad days are inspiring to someone. Thank you for being willing to share your journey with us/me.

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  12. I'M QUICKLY SCANNING PEOPLES BLOGS AND ACCIDENTLY SAW YOUR LAST POST. REFINED SUGAR AND CARBS ARE A BIG NO NO(POTATOES,RICE LENTILS, PASTA, BREAD ANY WHEAT PRODUCTS) WILL MEAN YOU'LL MAINTAIN WEIGHT OR PUT IT ON.

    YOU HAVE TO WATCH FOR THE CRAVINGS. THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER IS PRETTY STEEP AND YOU MAY BINGE PRETTY HARD. BUT IT GETS EASIER. YOU WONT SUCCEED ON THE FIRST 2ND OR EVEN THIRD ATTEMPT BUT IT GETS EASIER EACH TIME AS YOUR BODY LEARNS TO LIVE ON NEW PRIMARY FUELS SUCH AS PROTEIN AND CALORIES FROM HEAVY VEG AND CONSIDERED PORTIONS OF FRUIT.

    OH AND HEAVY EXERCISE IS TERRIBLE IDEA FOR WEIGHT LOSS. IT JUST MAKES YOUR GLUCOSE LEVELS DROP AND YOU END UP BINGING. KEEP YOUR HR BELOW 150 BPM AND ENJOY WALKING AND LIGHT STRENGTH TRAINING. ITS BEST TO HAVE A SOCIAL SPORT WHERE YOU ENJOY THE SPORT RATHER THAN FOCUS ON LOSING WEIGHT.

    WEIGHT CONTROL IS 80% NUTRITIONAL. (NOT A SCIENTIFIC FIGURE JSUT TO GET THE POINT ACROSS)

    IVE BEEN RESEARCHING FOR A FEW YEARS AND THE BEST BOOK AS A FOUNDATION IS MARK SISSONS WORK AT MARKS DAILY APPLE.

    THE RAW FOOD DIET ALSO WORKS BUT ITS MASSIVELY FLAWED IN LONG TERM SUSTAINABILITY.

    GL AND I HOPE YOU DONT GIVE UP. IT WILL BE A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU WORK IT OUT THROUGH TRIAL AND ERROR.

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  13. Wow, that has got to be discouraging! But it wouldn't be worth it if it we're easy. It will pay off one day! I think getting rid of the sugar is a good way to do it! I have a weight loss blog too: http://www.brandonsweightlossjournal.com. I hope that you can find some encouragement there as well as we all try to lose some of this weight! :) God Bless!

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  14. Wow, what a horrible way to start your day! I admire your persistence. I can't wait to see how cutting out sugar and "whites" goes for you. I've not been brave enough to try it myself. You can do it!

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  15. Don't give up!!! I personally know what you're going through, when I started I was losing weight fast but now I've been stuck at the same number for a few weeks now. Just keep pushing!!! http://salvykat.blogspot.com/

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  16. Hi Hollie! I completely agree with Crys and she inspired me to really cut out the sugar and well wouldn't you know, it's working. It sucks but it's working. I try to think of it like an allergy. Some people can't have nuts or seafood. I can't have sugar. Let me know if I can help in any way. I've been gathering lots of recipes etc.

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  17. You are doing really well not to let this dishearten you.
    All our bodies are different and they also get used to routine so shaking it up a bit is the way to go.
    Are your rules realistic? I know for me personally that carbs are the devil but its mainly bread that I should stay the hell away from so I limit myself to 1-2 slices per day.
    I also have a massive sweet tooth like Haribo etc so I limit myself to one sweety per day, usually a sherbert dip.

    I am a firm believer in a little bit of what you fancy is the best thing to do else you end up craving it and then going on a possible binge.

    If you want to swap ideas and share experiences please check out my blog diary-of-a-working-mummy

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  18. I was also having trouble losing weight. And then I tried the Paleo diet for a few weeks. TONS of weight came right off.

    I realized shortly afterward that I had a gluten intolerance. It wasn't obvious until I cut it out, then tried it again.

    I haven't eaten gluten since. I also found out via the 21-day Clean Program cleanse that I'm sensitive to sugar and corn. As long as I keep those three things (gluten, sugar, corn) out of my diet, the weight comes off.

    A benefit? I'm training for a half-marathon, and my runs, which used to be TORTURE, have become EASY. They've become FUN.

    Try the Cleanse. It's super easy - liquid (shake, fresh juice, blended fruit/veggies, soup) for breakfast, liquid for dinner, a huge elimination-diet based lunch. If you can't afford the supplements, don't worry, you don't need them. Just go to your local co-op and get a good quality probiotic to replenish the good bacteria in your gut. I made the Chocolate Nourish shake with almond milk, and it's SO good.

    After the 21 days, you slowly add things back in. It will become obvious what you're sensitive to.

    The fact that you're counting every calorie and working out and not seeing results screams to me that you are sensitive to something you're eating.

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  19. Your answer lies on my blog. I've been through it. It's not hard. I can tell you what you are doing wrong.
    I've lost 158 pounds in the last 2 1/2 years. Gone from 340 pounds down to 182. I had type 2 diabetes and a heart condition. All gone with the weight. I can help.
    http://danmoffett.blogspot.com

    Read the oldest blog first.

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  20. Im not 100% sure which weight-loss challenge your working through...but ive been there before. It's tough! Especially on those days where you haven't lost anything.

    Personally, for me...it was all about eating. I would eat healthier stuff for the most part....but my portions were HUGE. I could eat and eat and eat. I ended up coming accross a product called Bios Life Slim. It helped me to eat less...feel more satisfied, and not have those nasty crashes after lunch.

    Anyway, for those of you who are interested, you can check it out at www.drinkbioslife.com

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  21. Oh I'm so sorry! But You are strong and will make it at the end! :)

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  22. The best weight loss programs are the ones that do not make you go on crazy diets. You will not lose weight if you are uncomfortable with the food you are eating. You will feel stressed about trying to remember what you can and cannot eat. Being stressed will not help you to lose weight. It might even make you gain weight. Thanks a lot...

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