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Sunday, January 15, 2012

Mourning


***This post is not really weight-loss-related... just FYI

Yesterday was a long wrestling tournament day... left the house at 6:30 a.m. and didn't come back until almost 8:30 p.m. About an hour after I got home, I announced that I was going to bed. I noticed a missed call from my sister in Missouri (the one that my mom lives with now). I was a little surprised to find out that they were in town, about 5 minutes away from my house at my mom's apartment. They were basically packing up what was left of her personal things, because my other sister and my brother were moving all the furniture out on Sat. (today).

I don't remember how much I've blogged about the relationship with my mom, or her disease (Alzheimer's), or the fact that she has been living in Missouri with my sister for about a year now because she just got to where she was unable to live on her own. She has paid rent/utilities on her apartment all this time because she hasn't faced the fact that she will never live there again. Well, now, her lease is up and it will not be re-signed. Everything has to go, and since one of my sisters in Nashville wants everything and is willing to move it, that's what is going to happen.

I don't know how much you know about dementia or Alzheimer's, but there is a lot of belligerence and mood swings that go along with it. Mother was in a terrible state last night before I got there, but really calmed down, especially when my other sister and brother got there (she hasn't seen my brother for at least 5 years because he has been in prison). Everything was good. We took pictures, everyone got along... it was good.


But this morning... not so good. Mom woke up in a very angry, disoriented state. She didn't know where she was, and kept demanding that they take her home so she could get her things. She didn't understand that these was her things... and just more strange, bizarre behavior. My sister and her two daughter's that drove down with her just ended up leaving abruptly to take Mom back to Missouri. My kids didn't even get to see her before she left.

I am so sad right now... I feel like the mourning process has started for my mother. Soon, she won't know who we are, or who she is. Her body is still here, but her mind is leaving at a faster rate than I think any of us were prepared for. My heart is just broken.

Two things that make this morning even more difficult:
1. I don't have my Love here with me to talk to or tell me things will be ok. Love's mother came in from out of town last night and they are together. What a coincidence, right?
2. Although I desperately want to be at church this morning, I'm not. See, I am going to what they call a super-church in Nashville, and they are having a famous gospel singer there this morning (Marvin Sapp). Basically, if you're not there early, there is no point of going because the crowd is going to be ginormous. The church seats about 5000, but there will be standing room only. I really like going to church there, but this is definitely a down-side. When you really need a WORD, something like this will definitely keep you from going. Good thing is that there is a live stream via the Internet, so I will try to tune in that way. I could  go to my church here in town, but honestly, I'm not feeling it. *sigh*

Something good that came of this:
My oldest daughter (age 14) and I had some quality bonding time last night. We stayed up and talked until after 1 a.m. That was priceless...

Ok, now I feel better because I have this off my chest. I know this is a weight-loss blog, but it's also about my LIFE. This is my journal... one of the reasons that I've kept advertising to a minimum and have never tried to make this outlet a money-maker, like so many people have encouraged me to do. I will gladly endorse a product if I like it, or give my honest review if I don't. But at the end of the day, it's my blog. My journal of my life, my ups and downs, weight related and not. I teach for a living... blogging is just something I LOVE to do. Thanks for reading :)

16 comments:

  1. Oh Hollie .... hugs! I know I haven't posted before, but I have been reading your blog for awhile. I know what is to deal with Alzheimer's .. it is the worst! Hang in there girl!

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  2. So sorry for what you're going through. I know its so hard when loved ones get to the point where your Mom is now. I've experienced it, thank goodness not with my Mom though. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to the super Church and its crowd today. Mellow is probably good for a day like this. Do what you need to do for you today. Prayers to you and your family.

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  3. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I have no words that can express how sad it makes me. Hugs!

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  4. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  5. Our thoughts are also with you and your family.

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  6. You have my deepest sympathy, Hollie. I will be thinking of you. Don

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  7. Hollie,

    I am experiencing that same grief right now. ((HUGS)) My mother-in-law used to live with us up until a couple of weeks ago. I understand about the belligerence, the confusion, anger, etc. My heart and prayers go out to you.

    Oh, and what a coincidence...one of my childhood besties is a member of your super-church. LOL

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  8. Will keep you and your family in my prayers..

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  9. I really sympathize with you and your situation Hollie. My mom has some issues going on right now and is in a mental facility. It is never easy and even though we are adults, we still want our moms. I am so sorry you are going through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers my dear.

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  10. Keep ur chin up hollie, did the exact same thing this weekend at my grandparents house, emptied it, both have really bad dementia and need 24 hour nursing care, so are now being looked after elsewhere, just remember that people care and will listen xxx

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  11. Hollie, I'm so sorry you're going through this with your Mom. They say with Alzheimer's you mourn for them twice. The first when they start showing advanced signs of the disease and again when they pass away.
    I work for a company that has many Alzheimer's clients and I actually put together a resource of Alzheimer's information. If you haven't really done a lot of reading I suggest it. And recommend it to your sister. The most important thing you and your siblings can do is ensure yourselves are taken care of. This will ensure an easier time on your Mom.
    http://homehelpers.cc/resources/alzheimers-care.html

    I hope all goes well.

    Jenny Bomb
    jennybombislosingit.wordpress.com

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  12. Keeping you in prayer, stay strong, I know it's hard. I lost my Mom to cancer in 09. I made a deathbed promise to get this weight off and I will. Just keep the good memories of Mom high in your heart. This is a season of life, exhale and take one step at a time!

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  13. (((HUGS))))
    You are one of the bravest people I know. I cannot imagine how you are feeling but I do respect for strength and honesty, I pray that life eases up on you.

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  14. Thinking about you in such a tough time. It is such a terrible disease that robs us of the people that we love. I can't imagine your pain. Glad that you had some bonding time with your daughter. Those moments are worth their weight in gold.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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