Sunday, January 15, 2012

Mourning


***This post is not really weight-loss-related... just FYI

Yesterday was a long wrestling tournament day... left the house at 6:30 a.m. and didn't come back until almost 8:30 p.m. About an hour after I got home, I announced that I was going to bed. I noticed a missed call from my sister in Missouri (the one that my mom lives with now). I was a little surprised to find out that they were in town, about 5 minutes away from my house at my mom's apartment. They were basically packing up what was left of her personal things, because my other sister and my brother were moving all the furniture out on Sat. (today).

I don't remember how much I've blogged about the relationship with my mom, or her disease (Alzheimer's), or the fact that she has been living in Missouri with my sister for about a year now because she just got to where she was unable to live on her own. She has paid rent/utilities on her apartment all this time because she hasn't faced the fact that she will never live there again. Well, now, her lease is up and it will not be re-signed. Everything has to go, and since one of my sisters in Nashville wants everything and is willing to move it, that's what is going to happen.

I don't know how much you know about dementia or Alzheimer's, but there is a lot of belligerence and mood swings that go along with it. Mother was in a terrible state last night before I got there, but really calmed down, especially when my other sister and brother got there (she hasn't seen my brother for at least 5 years because he has been in prison). Everything was good. We took pictures, everyone got along... it was good.


But this morning... not so good. Mom woke up in a very angry, disoriented state. She didn't know where she was, and kept demanding that they take her home so she could get her things. She didn't understand that these was her things... and just more strange, bizarre behavior. My sister and her two daughter's that drove down with her just ended up leaving abruptly to take Mom back to Missouri. My kids didn't even get to see her before she left.

I am so sad right now... I feel like the mourning process has started for my mother. Soon, she won't know who we are, or who she is. Her body is still here, but her mind is leaving at a faster rate than I think any of us were prepared for. My heart is just broken.

Two things that make this morning even more difficult:
1. I don't have my Love here with me to talk to or tell me things will be ok. Love's mother came in from out of town last night and they are together. What a coincidence, right?
2. Although I desperately want to be at church this morning, I'm not. See, I am going to what they call a super-church in Nashville, and they are having a famous gospel singer there this morning (Marvin Sapp). Basically, if you're not there early, there is no point of going because the crowd is going to be ginormous. The church seats about 5000, but there will be standing room only. I really like going to church there, but this is definitely a down-side. When you really need a WORD, something like this will definitely keep you from going. Good thing is that there is a live stream via the Internet, so I will try to tune in that way. I could  go to my church here in town, but honestly, I'm not feeling it. *sigh*

Something good that came of this:
My oldest daughter (age 14) and I had some quality bonding time last night. We stayed up and talked until after 1 a.m. That was priceless...

Ok, now I feel better because I have this off my chest. I know this is a weight-loss blog, but it's also about my LIFE. This is my journal... one of the reasons that I've kept advertising to a minimum and have never tried to make this outlet a money-maker, like so many people have encouraged me to do. I will gladly endorse a product if I like it, or give my honest review if I don't. But at the end of the day, it's my blog. My journal of my life, my ups and downs, weight related and not. I teach for a living... blogging is just something I LOVE to do. Thanks for reading :)