Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Time to write...

My personal life is imploding.

I am a pretty private person. Most people don't know my business unless they are in my "circle". And my circle is small.

Today I am *stressed about a personal situation that I am going through with someone. Well, it's really more than one person involved. But one person that is important to me. And I just felt the need to write. I know that some will ask what does this have to do with my weight loss. But this is the kind of stuff that can throw me off the wagon faster than a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

But today, I am not eating my way through the stress. I actually went on a walk. I loaded up my ipod with some new songs I've purchase, and I walked for 45 minutes. And although I feel somewhat better, I am still a little down. But I won't eat.

I am *SO* CLOSE to getting back under the 300 lb mark. I have hovered around 301 and 302 for a week. My eating has been really good except for margaritas and queso chips on Friday night. I did 40 minutes of cardio at the gym yesterday and along with my walk today I vow to start moving again. Hopefully that will get me off this plateau.

As far as my body goes, I feel great. My clothes are looser, and I still "feel" better. For the first time (probably ever) I feel like I am eating intuitively. I've heard other bloggers talk about it, but never felt like I could do it. I eat when I am hungry, and when I do eat I try to choose good food. And by good, I mean whole, clean, organic food. I try to keep my carbs and sugar to a minimum. But I don't follow a "plan". And for now, it's working. I've often been tempted to count my calories to just see about how many I am eating per day, but right now I am afraid to rock the boat.

With everything else going on, I am just glad that food is at the bottom of my list of things to worry about right now. I am conscious about what I eat and am making an effort to pay attention to everything. I have only had school lunch twice, and today I had a school salad. All three times it was because I chose to eat that day, not because I was unprepared. I actually keep some of my leftover Medifast shakes at school now with my mini blender. This way I am guaranteed SOMETHING good to eat even if I forget to pack my lunch. I always did like those Medifast shakes, and they do fill me up...

Well, thanks for letting me vent. I just felt like writing to get some of this anxiety off me. I am really praying a lot these days for clarity and direction. I know that God has plans for me, and that I am close to a big breakthrough in my life. But truth is, I am lonely. I don't want to be alone anymore. But I also don't want to settle for just anyone in my life. I did that with my ex-husband for 10 years. So I am going to have to be patient. And in the meantime, I will continue to work on me.