Saturday, March 5, 2011

How the scale dictated my day...

Yesterday was Biggest Loser weigh-in at school.

Thursday night, I had a GREAT "last chance workout". I ate a salad for dinner. Overall, I was pleased with my week. I woke up Friday morning, and my scale at home had me down. .8 for the week. Since it's I've had TOM since Monday, I thought having a loss at all was pretty darned great! My pants were loose, my shirt was loose... I was feeling so good about myself! I figured that I would probably stay the same on the scale at school, but that it would all catch up next week for the last weigh-in.

Then I got to school and got on that old, antique, inaccurate scale. It said I GAINED four lbs. FOUR. When a size 4 co-worker came in and announced she had lost 3 lbs, I just lost it. I cried. I actually cried.

See, if it weren't for this challenge, I wouldn't have cared what the scale at school said. But the competition at school has suddenly turned into just that... a competition. With one more weigh-in left, everyone is suddenly all about winning. Except for me, I guess. Yes, I would love to have an extra $75, but I would rather have the encouragement of people at my workplace. But the encouragement has left the building. People have actually been saying how happy they are when people gain or stay the same because it gives them a chance to win. Not cool.

So now I just feel... humiliated? No one cares about my scale at home, or the fact that my pants are loose, and I am increasing my workouts at the gym. They only care that I "gained" 4 lbs. That I really didn't gain at all. I was so frustrated.

And it ruined my day. I actually thought about not weighing in next week and just withdrawing from the competition.

But I won't. I will finish... not only this competition, but my JOURNEY. See, most of these people will stop trying to lose because they are only losing for a cruise or a vacation or a cash prize. I am in this for LIFE.

My birthday falls on the last day of school this year. And I have a goal in mind...

For my birthday in 2009 I had lost down to a size 20, and bought a great pair of jeans that I loved. I had to retire those jeans in January 2010 because I had started to re-gain the weight and they were SKIN TIGHT. Those jeans are still hanging in my closet, and I'm going to wear them again on my birthday this year.

Watch out.... :)