Saturday, January 1, 2011

One Resolution

I'm not making a resolution to lose weight this year. I make that resolution every year. Not this year, though.

This year I have one resolution...

1. Put ME first.

Sounds a little selfish, huh? Hell, yeah, it is.

I will NEVER lose weight, find happiness, or succeed in anything I wish for in my life until I learn to put my needs first. Even above those of my family.

This concept is so hard for me to get in my head.

This year, I need to put ME first. If I am not well (mentally and physically) then what good can I do for my family? How can I be a good mother to my children?

Once, when I was in the hospital last month, my children told me that they felt "abandoned". They were so panicked about me being sick and in the hospital because they realized that if something happened to me, they had no one to take care of them. No one. I am all they have.

That knowledge hit me like a ton of bricks. I HAVE to be there for my children. I have to get well, or they will have no one. My ex-husband is in jail, looking at prison time. My family is so dysfunctional, it's not like they can go live with a relative... there are none! Yes, I have friends and people who love me that help me, but it's not like they would be able to take on FOUR children if I died or was sick long-term.

I have to get it together. I have to make myself and my health a priority this year. No excuses.

My children mean the world to me. They ARE my world. I would do anything for them, and my priority in life is to be a good mother.

My health scares over the past month have opened my eyes. I know what needs to be done.

And I am so scared. I feel overwhelmed. It's do or die.

I HAVE to lose this weight. No more playing around with my health. I have to put ME first so I can be a good mother and show my children that by fighting for me, I am fighting for them, too.

2011 will bring some major changes. I am ready.

Happy NEW Year!