Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Pain, pain go away...

Warning... this is gonna be long! I have been blogging in my head for DAYS now, but this is the first time I've got a chance to even open my laptop! Yes, life is that hectic.

I have been doing my Isagenix 30-day cleanse and I am loving it. I have to admit... I have not been 100% on plan, but I am sticking as close to the plan as possible most days. The great thing, is despite the other issues I have going on (explain later), I FEEL better. And guess what? I am losing weight. I am going to wait until the 30 days are officially up to post a number, but the scale is being nice. I actually had someone tell me today that I looked like I'd lost weight. That ALWAYS feels good.

The biggest difference that I can tell with this plan is that my cravings for sugar are under control. I am also very rarely hungry, and I constantly crave water. Today is my first total cleanse day. You are supposed to do them weekly, but I have chickened out before today because I just didn't know if I was ready for a full-out day with no real food. But it has been fine! No hunger pains, no fatigue. I feel "normal". Every day that goes by I feel more confident about the decision to try this product. I don't feel like I'm on a "diet" either, which is also great.

So many issues have been cropping up with me that just seem to keep wanting to get in the way of my progress. But the number one thing right now is PAIN. I am in pain. Real pain... sharp, stabbing pain... all the time. At first it was sporadic - maybe a few days out of the month. My doctors originally thought it had to do with ovarian cysts or endometriosis. Test a couple of weeks ago confirmed that my problem was not a gynecological issue... so my ob/gyn sent me to a gastro doctor. The gastro doctor said it feels like I have a hernia, so he sent me to a surgeon. Yesterday, the surgeon couldn't pinpoint the problem, so Monday I am going for a CT scan. I am praying to get to the bottom of this, because the pain is terrible. It never stops, and it is beginning to really wear me down.

I feel like the pain has been my little secret for a long time. I just dealt with it because as soon as my ob/gyn told me back in 2006 that it was an ovarian cyst, and that it was not cancer, I decided that it just wasn't worth surgery. And when the pain only lasted a few days out of the month, it was bearable. But over the past six months or so, it has just became increasingly worse. A few days turned into two weeks out of the month. And for the last two months it just hasn't stopped.

So many people have asked me why I let it go this far? Well, I think it goes back to me not making myself a priority. I don't want to stop what I am doing to take time for myself. I make my job, my kids, my mom... EVERYONE... a priority. But I didn't take the time out to make a doctor's appointment for myself. Just like I don't make time to go to the gym... or plan my meals... You get the picture, right?

I think that is one of the reasons I am feeling good with the Isagenix. Every day that I stay on plan, every day that I turn down fast food and make a better meal choice, I feel like I am in control. So much is out of my hands right now, but I am slowly seeing that the food that I put in my mouth is something I CAN control. I MUST start treating myself with the care and respect that I use for other people in my life. It is hard - so much easier said than done. But I am trying. One good decision at a time.

It's not so much about weight loss anymore. There have been several days that I am still frustrated because the scale isn't moving as fast as I think it should. But I know that good health will take time for me. We all know that stress isn't good for weight loss - and I am STRESSED TO THE MAX. Not just about my health, but about EVERYTHING. Work, school, kids, my mom, my messy house, my relationships, money... EVERYTHING. And have you ever tried to exercise - or be motivated to exercise - when you are in excruciating pain? But one good choice at a time, I am know that I can be good to my body and make my health better. I am cleansing and hopefully re-setting my body from the inside, and I am trying to fix whatever it is that is causing my body this pain.

And in the mean time, I am moving forward. I won't quit... I never will. I know that one day I will get "there". I will lose this weight, I will finish school, my first year of teaching will be behind me, my mother will be taken care of, my kids will continue to be healthy and cared for, and I will be financially stable. I might even settle down and marry the love of my life one day. All will be good - I know it will - because I won't quit.