Monday, May 10, 2010


Is that even a word, lol. Well, even if it's not... I hope you get the drift. I feel like that's how my brain feels right now. Like it's trying to clear out the clutter...
Unless you have been to my house, you do not know how signifigant this picture is. As soon as I sent it via text message to my close friends, they were in disbelief. My dresser (hell, my whole room) is always a disaster area. It is the catch-all of the entire house. Even when my room is clean, though, my dressers are never cleaned off. This dresser is usually piled so high that you can't see the surface at all.

Today, it was cold and rainy in TN. UGH! There goes my walk I had planned (and looked forward to). So, in an effort to NOT sit on the computer or in front of a TV all night, I got my butt up and cleaned my room! For the past couple of nights, it's just been overwhelmingly messy. I figured I needed to do something before somebody submitted my name to the that show, Hoarders. I am not a hoarder, but I let clutter in my room build up until I want to just pretend it's not there. Most nights my bed is so full of clothes and stuff that I can barely find a place to sleep. Just so much clutter...

Kind of like I let the clutter in my head? Maybe.

Today, I woke up and decided first thing that no matter what, this was going to be a good day. My heart is still heavy over a situation I am dealing with. But I took charge of my thoughts and my well-being first thing this morning and guess what? It worked! I still have peace, and I'm still feeling good.
I was having a good hair day and I snapped a picture (yes, I know, kinda cheesy). But I just stared at the picture on my phone for a while and decided that it is not bad. I am not loving that picture (yet), but I didn't hate it. I accept that it is me right now. Yes, my face is fatter and I can tell that I have gained weight, but that is just who I am and I have to move forward. I can't get caught up in how much I wish I looked thinner.

After I emerged from my bedroom, it was like I looked at my whole house through new eyes. What looked clean didn't really cut it anymore.

I have not only let myself go. I have let my house go, too. My standards are definitely lower than they were when I was married and my ex checked everything with white gloves, lol. But I didn't think I had slipped that far. I mean, it's not NASTY or DIRTY - just messy. Yeah, I do have three kids and this is a small house, but I know I can do better. And the time is now.

I didn't sleep well at all last night, so I am off to bed. I even have my clothes picked out and ironed for tomorrow! I am aiming for a smooth morning so I can do my hair and makeup again. That made me feel better today. I just want to keep this feeling I have - the peaceful feeling that has eluded me for so long. I am not ready to give it up just yet - if ever.