Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Peace :)

Ever since I have "come clean" about my struggles with binging, I have went through a lot of emotions. First, I felt guilt, and some depression. I felt like I was letting everyone down - including myself. Then there was this feeling of overwhelming sadness. I just kept asking myself - "Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why can't I stop?"

Yesterday, though - after just making it through ONE day with no binging - not by accident - but because I had made that CHOICE - I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

I woke up this morning almost feeling - empowered? For some reason - I just KNEW I was going to have a good day. Even when the scale told me I was back up to 300.4, I just said to myself, "Not for long..." I didn't even let it upset me.

It is 10:08 p.m., and I have all the lunches packed, various papers filled out for tomorrow, and I am ready to call it a night.  Today has been a good day.

Work was pretty quiet. I came home to a brand new heart rate monitor (I ordered it last week...) and a prize that I won on It's Not a Diet, It's a Weigh of Life. It's one of the Yoplait Goddess gift packs. It looks nice, but I have to admit the wrap-around towel made me giggle... I might wrap around one of my thighs! BUT I will put it up in hopes of wearing it one day in the future! I am MOST excited about my heart rate monitor, though. I can't wait to try it out!

I PLANNED on getting a walk in today - but that didn't happen. I had so many errands to run after school today, that I ended up having just enough time to cook dinner by 7 p.m. Then it was dark and I needed to get the kids settled for bed. There is just not enough hours in the day sometimes. And tomorrow afternoon is going to be crazy too - but after 5 p.m. Between 4 p.m. (when I get home) and 5 p.m. (when I have to leave for soccer) I am going to get a walk in if it kills me! The weather is warming back up and I just feel like moving!

Today's food has been good, too. I tried something different today (strawberries, granola, Greek yogurt) and it was really good! I got in my protein smoothie for breakfast, and I can see how it makes all the difference. I drank WAY too much coffee today - I have to get better with that.

smoothie (protein powder, 2 c. spinach, 4 frozen strawberries, 1/2 c. frozen blueberries, 1 tbs flax seed oil, splash of almond milk, 1 c. water)
coffee w/ sugar - free creamer
ham & cheese sandwich on wheat w/ 1.5 sl. turkey bacon
1 pirogi (sp?) 
coke zero
2 chicken fajitas w/ sour cream, reduced fat cheese, and black beans
a few yogurt covered raisins (realized I was grazing and STOPPED eating them)
Greek yogurt w/ strawberries and granola
1 c. grapes
strawberries w/ slice of angel food cake
fat-free whipped cream

I just have to mention two blog posts that I found profound today...

All I have to say is... wow.