First things first… I want to address a comment I got on yesterday’s blog by mbm1forever:
“I do agree with you, Hollie in theory, but it almost sounds like you are giving up on yourself in some ways. By that I mean the hard look that we must take at ourselves on a daily basis when we are overweight. I don't want you to feel bad about yourself and with that I agree. I do wonder though if you aren't letting go of your accountability to yourself. I do not say this to anger or to judge, it is just what strikes me about your blog.”
Let me be clear. By deciding to NOT be on a diet anymore, and by breaking the diet/binge cycle, I am NOT giving up on myself. If anything, I am even more adamant about succeeding on this journey I am on. Over the past few days, I have so much more peace about food and am making better choices. The scale even tells me I’ve lost weight!
A diet doesn’t have to be the only way I get accountability. Counting calories and points, or eating certain food might do it for some people. But it is NOT working for me. And please be certain that I am still holding myself accountable. See, when the DIET part is over, we still have to be able to hold ourselves accountable. That is why so many people regain their weight after being on a DIET. They have allowed that diet to be their accountability, and after they are done with the diet, they go back to old ways. I want to eat well and exercise FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Way beyond meeting whatever weight loss goal I have. I want health… not just weight loss.
I am just trying to get to a place where I can get rid of the “all or nothing” mentality. Eating piece of bread does not mean I am a failure as a person (which is how I was feeling), and should not cause me to throw in the towel and begin a binge. I have to get my mind right – and get back to a place where health is a bigger priority than fast weight loss. If I can incorporate healthy habits into my daily LIFE, for the rest of my life, I believe the weight loss will happen.
I was binge-free yesterday (Day 2!) and felt really good about my food intake. We had a super-healthy dinner last night before soccer (grilled chicken, baked sweet potato fries, and broccoli w/ fat-free shredded cheese melted on top). I told my kiddos not to expect McDonald’s or pizza for dinner any time soon. It’s way past time for us to get back to healthy eating in our house. I was so proud of my baby for eating all her broccoli, therefore encouraging the two older kids to eat theirs, too. She even asked for seconds! And then later, after soccer, she grabbed a yogurt cup for a snack.
See, when I don’t keep sugary, fattening snacks in the house – my kids don’t eat them! They are used to not having any of that stuff around, so they don’t even really care. They would just assume have pretzels or an apple or yogurt. But when I am on a binge, and buying donuts, cookies, chips, and candy – guess what? My kids eat it right along with me. But what is that teaching them? Bad behavior with food – and that’s the last thing I want to teach them. Reason NUMBER ONE why I have to get this under control. My kids deserve so much more than that.
I also realize that I am going to need to start packing their lunches every day. Because of the new emphasis on school lunches because of Jamie Oliver’s new Food Revolution show, I am now ready to start taking on this change, too. I have known for a while that our school lunches SUCK. But since all three of my kids get free breakfast and lunch at school, and because packing lunches takes even MORE planning and preparation time, I just roll with it. But since being healthy is now a FAMILY priority – its something I am going to have to address. As you can see below (hope it's not too small to read)… the menu is full of fattening, processed foods. Honey buns and funnel cakes for breakfast? Are you kidding me?
Yesterday I walked for over 30 minutes, and it was one of the WORST walks I’ve had in a while! My left knee hurt, my right foot hurt, and it just sucked! But I kept going (slowly) around the track while my oldest had soccer practice. The two younger kids played on the playground, so it was all good. My middle child has practice tonight at a different field, but there is still a track that I plan to walk on. I bought some new shoes to walk in the other day, so I am going to try those to see if it makes it any better.
No, I am definitely NOT giving up. Not on my health, not on losing weight, and not on myself.
BTW… does anyone use the Nike+ system? I am thinking about buying it since all my shoes are Nike+ ready. It is supposed to measure distance and calories. I am also still looking for a reasonably priced heart-rate monitor (that can also count calories). Any and all suggestions are welcome!
Yesterday I got a copy of The End of Overeating by David A. Kessler, MD. It was recommended on one of the blogs I read (I forgot which one), so I ordered it off Amazon last week. I read through the first few chapters after my walk last night, and I think I am really going to like it. I will let ya’ll know how it goes.
A while back, I was given an opportunity to try out a website, www.habitchanger.com. It is a guide to changing habits, and takes you through 42 days with daily emails and exercises. I am doing the program that is supposed to help you with weight loss. Today is day one, and I am supposed to write down all the reasons why I want to lose weight. So here goes!
Why do I want to lose weight?
1. I want to be healthy.
2. To set a good example for my children.
3. So I can shop in the “regular” section of the store.
4. To feel sexy.
5. So I don’t get out of breath when walking up stairs.
6. It will boost my self-esteem and confidence.
7. I don’t want to get diabetes and high blood pressure like my mom.
8. I don’t want my knees and feet to hurt when I walk.
9. I want to be able to run a mile.
10. I want to learn to roller-blade and swim.
11. I want to be active with my children.
12. So that men will drool when I walk by.
13. So my thighs won’t rub together when I walk.
14. If I can meet my weight loss goal, I will know I can do anything!
15. I am worth it.
Disclaimer... HabitChanger.com has allowed me to try their program for free and in exchange I will post my opinion, bad or good.