Thursday, April 29, 2010

Eating Disorder?

No matter how many blogs or articles I read on binge-eating or compulsive eating, it still hasn't "clicked" in my head as an EATING DISORDER. Why? All the evidence seems to point that way.

I guess (maybe) it is because I have a hard time admitting to myself that I have an eating disorder.  I KNOW that I am addicted to food, but does this go along with having a binge-eating disorder? I came across this site today...

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/binge-eating-disorder/DS00608

It defines binge-eating disorder as:
a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, overeating crosses the line to binge-eating disorder and it becomes a regular occurrence, shrouded in secrecy.
When you have binge-eating disorder you often have numerous behavioral and emotional signs and symptoms, such as:
  • Eating large amounts of food check!
  • Eating even when you're full check!
  • Eating rapidly during binge episodes
  • Feeling that your eating behavior is out of control check!
  • Eating a lot even though you're not hungry check!
  • Depression check!
  • Anxiety check!
  • Frequent dieting, possibly without weight loss check!
  • Frequently eating alone check!
  • Feeling depressed, disgusted or upset about your eating check!
After a binge, you may try to diet or eat normal meals. But restricting your eating may simply lead to more binge eating, creating a vicious cycle.
I think it may be saying something that I checked all but ONE out of that list...

I don't know if I feel relieved or discouraged. I have an addiction PLUS an eating disorder? I am so confused... (Any insight on this will be helpful.)

***********************

No binging today! I did have 1 1/2 slices of cake out of the teacher's lounge, but I savored it and it was good! And it didn't send me off the edge. After school got CRAZY because I had to stay late for an unexpected meeting. I ended up stopping for a pizza because we only had about 30 minutes before we had to leave for soccer. We only got 1 pizza, and we all had 2 slices. That's it. Really. The same family that could go through 2 pizzas PLUS breadsticks. And no one complained, and we were all satisfied. And as you can guess... NO WALKING. Damn!!!!!

Today's Food:
Breakfast
Smoothie (w/ 1.5 c. spinach, 1/2 c. blueberries, 3 strawberries, 1 scoop whey protein, 2 tbs. coconut butter)
2 large cups coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
Lunch
2 chicken fajitas (w/ sour cream, reduced fat cheese, black beans)
diet Mt. Dew
1 c. strawberries
Dinner
2 slices peperoni pizza
coke zero
Snacks
1 1/2 slices orange cake
1 bag kettle corn
PepsiMax
1 c. strawberries 
small slice of angel food cake
fat-free whipped cream
76 oz. water

 And for tomorrow?

Well... I think I may try to start tracking CALORIES. I have tracked all week so far (yay!), and tonight when I was packing lunches, I decided to go ahead and journal my food. Then I decided to go ahead and fill in all the numbers, since I had all the food packages out. If anything, I am just curious to see what the numbers are... with NO binging. Wish me luck!