Monday, April 12, 2010

Cycle.Stops.Here.

I am still loving Google reader – and I read a two blogs since yesterday that I wanted to share pieces of, since what these ladies say basically sums up how I feel right now.

The first one is by Christie at Honoring Health. She says…

Ok, so once again the vicious diet and binge cycle has gotten to me. I’m giving intuitive eating another go. I have dieted my way to about 30 lbs heavier than I was just a year and a half ago. At this rate, I’ll be back to where I started in no time. So, here I go again.

I’m working on accepting that maybe I’m not meant to be a size 6 and that maybe finding peace with who I am today is more important. I don’t like being fat but I don’t like the process of binging, beating myself up, dieting, binging and then beating myself up even more. Quite frankly, it sucks.”

She took the words right out of my mouth!

The second post is on Mary’s blog, but is a guest post from Mara.

“I have been stuffing my face this week. Literally, stuffing my face. If you were on the outside watching me through a window you would think that I had been locked in a closet for three weeks and deprived of food. Now, I do not look like the type of person who has been deprived of food. I look well fed. I pride myself on being the type of person that dresses tastefully, strives to love my body regardless of its size, and works with what I have, wherever on the weight spectrum I may be. I have decided to no longer diet, thereby refusing to engage the restrict/binge cycle that plagued me for most of my upbringing, and am attempting to eat intuitively and regain my ability to trust (and recognize) my body’s instincts, wants, and needs.”

Again… these words totally repeat how I am feeling right now. I am done with dieting. No more.

I have (as of yesterday) started the process of getting my sh*t together. I NEED to learn how to love me for who I am NOW. Not when I’ve lost weight, or am in the perfect relationship, or when I have finished my education and have my dream job. Loving Hollie needs to start now. Being overweight does not need to define who I am.

I feel like I have just let myself go. I am so unhappy with ME at this point in my life. And the unhappiness stems from not being in control of my health and well-being. I am completely overwhelmed with LIFE right now. Being a single mom sucks. Being broke while trying to be a single mom sucks. Then add dieting and feeling like a failure when I just can’t seem to get it together. On top of it all, my house is so unorganized and cluttered (since we’ve outgrown the space) that I have just buried my head in the sand and refuse to address it. I feel like I am spiraling out of control. But it ends NOW.

Have you read Jack Sh*t’s blog today? It says:

This is a very good day to turn your life around…

Yes, Jack it is!

Yesterday was the first time in several weeks that I did not binge. I stayed in control, ate healthy, clean food, and even exercised! That CONTROL felt great. And it also felt great to go to bed with no heartburn, knowing that I made good choices.

At the beginning of this year, I had a great approach to weight loss. I outlined it in my blog, but here it is again:

1. Get back on my supplement program and don't miss a dose!!!
2. Start drinking at least 100 oz. of water per day.
3. Eliminate sugar from my diet.
4. Start eliminating caffeine from my diet.
5. Eat clean - no processed foods and organic whenever possible.
6. 30 - 45 minutes of exercise at least 5 times per week.
7. Plan and prepare!!!!

That seemed like a good plan! Why did I get distracted? Why didn’t I stay on this path? It’s not that hard… well all except for #7…

So from this day forward, no diets. I will follow the seven guidelines mentioned above. Some days will be better than others, but I will no longer beat myself up and consider myself a failure if I am not 100% perfect. I will no longer let numbers on a scale dictate my success as a person.

There is so much uncertainty in my life right now… but this is ONE thing I can be certain of. It is time for me to ACCEPT myself, my weight, and my body exactly like it is. My focus is on health, and transferring healthy habits to my children. It’s all about them anyway… everything I do. I have to set the example for them. If I don’t, no one else will. They are worth it. So am I.

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Stop by Shelley’s blog to congratulate her on her first biathlon! She rocks!