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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Business as usual!

I am back from vacation, and back on plan! Yes, I fell off the wagon while I was in Florida. There was just too much temptation, and I am still so early in my "recovery". The first day there was tough - I passed up a pizza buffet and a spread for breakfast. But the second day I was weary. Everything revolved around food and everyone thought I was crazy to be dieting while on vacation. I even got chewed out for bringing my scale, lol. I basically had no support, and on day two I fell into a plate of fried fish, sweet potato fries, and hushpuppies. And to be honest, it was bliss! I didn't even try to recover while I was down there. I looked at it as a temporary state. I let "Fat Hollie" take over for the next three days, and vowed to let "Skinny Hollie" come back once I was back in Tennessee.

Lyn (Escape from Obesity) wrote a blog post a week or so ago about how one part of her LIKES eating what she wants (or something to that affect). I REALLY can relate to that mentality, even though it's probably not sane, lol. A part of me LIKES being fat, LIKES eating whatever the hell I want. It makes me HAPPY to sink my teeth into a warm Krispy Kreme donut. I feel HAPPY when I am sipping on a Frappucino from Starbucks. I don't like feeling deprived, I don't like giving up my favorite foods to lose weight. But guess what? That is my reality. Eating what I want is what got me to 333 lbs. Cutting out my "favorite" foods is what will get me to my goal weight. I HAVE TO change my relationship with food in order to be healthy and lose weight.

Yes, it sucks! The immature, irrational part of me is pissed off that I can't have pizza, ice cream, and donuts whenever I want them. I am a little sad that those foods will probably NEVER be able to have a place in my diet. But alcoholics and drug users go through the same thing (I know a lot of them who have told me this). They miss their drug of choice until it is totally out of their system... until they have reached a point in their recovery where they have made peace with the fact they can't have those vices. I am not at that point yet, but I am hoping like hell I will make it there one day. The day I can pass up a piece of birthday cake without wanting to throw a baby-tantrum inside because I want it so bad, that's the day I will know I am truly making progress.

I weighed in this morning, and I am up 3.6 lbs. I am not even mad at that, because I have still lost over 12 lbs in two weeks while on Medifast. I am glad I went ahead and started when I did... even knowing the vacations were coming up. I got a head start in my weight loss, and I learned a valuable lesson. I did well in Chattanooga because I was in total control of my food. In Florida, I was not in control - my in-laws fed us the whole time we were there. They picked the restaurants, they cooked the food. I learned that in the future when I go out of town, I have to be in control of the menu. I also learned that under those circumstances it IS possible to stay on plan while traveling.

I also learned that I have a lot of work to do as far as coming to grips with my "unhealthy" relationship with food. I love it too much. Food shouldn't make me so happy - and not having my favorite foods shouldn't make me so sad. Hopefully over the next few months on Medifast I will learn that food CAN be good, and it is OK to enjoy it. But I shouldn't be in love with food that causes so much damage to my health and well-being.

Yesterday was my first day at home and I was back on plan. It wasn't even hard. I started feeling sick when I got home on Thursday night... cold symptoms. Sore, swollen throat and body aches. I do feel a little better today. I really have to work on drinking my water... I had to force down 64 oz. yesterday. When my throat is sore, I HATE drinking water - it almost gags me. I also ran out of water, so today I have to make a store run asap to get more. The tap water here is UNDRINKABLE. You can't even make coffee with it. I have no doubt I will be able to stay on plan, and I can't wait to see the scale start moving in the right direction again! I am already back in my size 22's from last summer, which makes me feel SO GOOD. My first mini-goal is to be back at 270, which is my lowest weight from last summer. I am less than 20 lbs away!

2 comments:

  1. Hey Hollie. I hope that Florida was enjoyable and relaxing for you!

    Best way EVER to be able to increase your metabolism is to build more muscle. So.....lift some iron, honey! It is fun, feels good, promotes good weight loss hormones (testosterone and growth hormone). The more muscle you have....the less you will be affected when you do go off plan on occassion.

    Muscle....muscle...muscle. :)

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  2. Glad you enjoyed your trip! It's a process. You're back on the saddle so hey... I do however hate you for mentioning Krispy Kreme. BEST 5 POINTS EVER!

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