Thursday, October 22, 2009

I'm trying...

Well, I think today was a little better. I seem to be able to "fake it till I make it" until I get home. Then it just goes downhill. My house is a disaster, and I have no drive or energy to get it cleaned up. It's just a mess, and I feel overwhelmed. I am unhappy here... and I know that's why I never want to stay here anymore. The more I'm at home, the worse it gets. But I really don't have any choices in that area right now.

I started taking my supplements again today, and added Vitamin D. Someone commented the other day on here about how that might help, so I've been researching it for the past few days.

"Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is a situational mood disorder brought on by decreasing daylight in the winter months. High doses of vitamin D during these months have proven to be a very effective natural remedy for SAD, leading most practitioners to believe that normal neurotransmitter function depends in part on adequate vitamin D synthesis."

I also read where African-American women in my age bracket are also more likely to have vitaman D deficiencies - largely due to the fact we have more melanin in our skin plus some other factors. I figure that adding a supplement can't hurt... I know that when I was taking my supplements faithfully this spring, I saw a lot of weight loss and felt GREAT.

I am not planning on taking the antidepressant I've been prescribed anymore. I HATE the way I feel in the mornings, and don't need anything else sapping my energy and making me feel tired. I might even try to investigate a supplement for that, too. Anyone have ideas on St. John's Wort? Exercise is a huge mood booster for me, but my gym hours suck! 6 a.m. - 9 a.m. is not working for me. I'd love to be able to get up early and get to the gym by 5 a.m., or even go at night after the kids go to bed. DVD's and exercising at home require motivation to get my ass up off the couch... I don't have that. Plus, being that I don't like being home in the first place... you see where I'm getting at?

The crazy thing is that I KNOW that when I put good stuff in my body, that my body reacts in a GREAT way. Why the hell can't I just get it together? Why can't I hold it together when I get home everyday? Maybe its because I am so isolated here? I live 40 minutes from all my friends and people that I'm close to. And that sucks. I think when my lease is up I am going to move. I can't go and simply hang out or have girl time. I feel stuck in this small town. Like I said, my gym hours suck and the next closes gym is 30 minutes away - not convenient at all. If I were in Nashville, I'd have my pick of gyms that are both close and affordable.

OK...tomorrow is another new day. I will not give up, and I will keep on trying to pull this together!