Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Facing the Facts

I am depressed.

I think I've been fighting it for a while. Using friends, attention, and alcohol as distractions. But for the past couple of weeks, I can just feel my "positive" slowly fading away... and it feels really dark right now. Although I know I have friends, co-workers, and my wonderful children behind me... I feel very alone.

I went to the dr. last week and he gave me an antidpressant that is supposed to also help me sleep. But I don't think I like the way it makes me feel... Yeah, I'm sleeping great. But so groggy when I wake up. I tried taking it earlier in the afternoon, but then I'm useless for the rest of the day. No energy... AND, I feel like I can't get full. I'm constantly hungry. Apparently, that is one of the side-effects.

So, in my mind I know what I need to do. And as of today, I think I have the tools to do it. I have been trying to eat right, but today I just FAILED miserably. I am sitting here typing, and so miserably full that I want to go puke. Tomorrow is a new day, and all I know to do is to just go to bed, end this day, and start over tomorrow. I just know that I hate the way I feel right now - physically and mentally.

I want to be happy, I want to lose weight, and I want to achieve my goals and be successful. Now, I just need to dig deep and find the drive I need to move forward.