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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

One day at a time...

I was talking to my boyfriend this morning about all the crap I have going on in my life right now - sometimes it seems like I can't catch a break. If it weren't for the fun times and laughter that gets sprinkled into my week, I would be suicidal. I found out yesterday that my ex is smoking crack again, so that means he has probably already quit or got fired from his job. That also means that I will be going from not getting enough child support to none at all. SO... I am just going to go with the flow. I am so broke, I can't pay attention (lol). The worst that can happen is that I won't be able to pay my rent and I'd have to move. But I'm blessed that I know I will have some place to stay. I decided to take things one day at a time, and not worry about tomorrow until it gets here.

I was talking to my good friend Yvette last night, and she told me something I really valued. She said that when a woman has a baby, the worst part of the birth process is the time right before the baby is born. Just when a woman thinks there's no way she can push again, and that she can't take the pain anymore, a beautiful baby is born. When a mother looks at that beautiful baby, she forgets all about the previous few minutes, and focuses on the blessing she is holding. She compared the time that I'm going through in my life to giving birth, saying that this is the time where I don't think I can go any further, and that there's no way I can handle anymore pain. But before I know it, I will push through it and there will be such a blessing to behold. Thanks, Yvette... I needed those words of wisdom.

I started out with a protein smoothie this morning, and plan on having Subway for lunch. Today is my oldest daughter's birthday - she is finally 12! So I am going to run out and get Subway for both of us and have lunch with her at school. I really love it that she goes to the same school I work at now... I can keep my eye on her. She is having a sleepover on Saturday night, so that should be interesting. I told her she could invite boys from 7 - 10 p.m. for the "cookout" portion. That seemed to make her happy.

I am also trying to decide if I want to start going back to church somewhere. It seems like God has laid this on my heart more than once, but I always have an excuse. First it was that my kids were with their dad, but now that he's sucking on a crack pipe that's not gonna be happening. My other excuse is that I was spending Sunday mornings with my boyfriend, but now I will have the kids and won't be doing that either. Something is telling my that God just cleared my excuse list... but I still don't know if I want to go.

Gotta go teach the spelling lesson... bbl.

12 comments:

  1. That's crappy news about the ex. Hope he gets his sh*t straight soon, esp since it has effects on your family.

    You'll get through this tough time. Stay strong!

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  2. Sorry to hear about your ex back on crack. Loved what your friend had to say.

    You know the whole church thing hit home with me. I too have been telling myself I'm going but haven't gotten there yet. Maybe this is the week for both of us.

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  3. I SOooo feel your pain. I just went through that whole thing with my ex (minus the crack; mines just a lazy dumbass). His child support was never what it was supposed to be & then he decided to remarry for the 4th time, quit his job, & move out of state. His butt didn't work for over 9 months. Honestly, I don't know how I made it. Actually I do. My credit card bill is sky high as I had to charge all gas, groceries, co-pays, meds etc.
    I'm still living paycheck to paycheck, but I'm charging less which is a blessing. You too will get through this. You may not know how or when the storm will be over, but when it does, you'll come out on the other side a much stronger woman.
    I think your friend is a wise person. What she said is so very true.
    Plan for tomorrow, but live for today. Worrying does not solve problems. Live one day at a time & keep praying.

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  4. I am sorry to hear the news about Clyde. (Maybe it's just a rumor. Or maybe it's just a little slip. Let's hope.) It's sad enough to see someone throwing their life away. It's a heartbreaker to see a parent doing it.

    You're not alone on the church side of things. We have been missing church all summer. I've been there more times to do volunteer stuff during the week than I have been to services. We're going to get back into the swing of things when school starts in September. Hope you do too.

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  5. Wow, you've got a lot of stress in your life right now! I hope things work out soon. Keep the faith - it will all be okay in the end.

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  6. Things always work out in the end. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET THROUGH THIS! I know you are. You know you are. Sometimes, it's just hard to see that, after a few days... you'll see and pull yourself up and out and move forward. Just take care of you and your kids.

    I hear you about church though. I get that tug (and fill the excuses to the brim), my main problem is trying to decide if I want to go back to the catholic church or not. if I don't... How the heck do I decide where to go. I've been to some "others" before and it just didn't fit. Anyhow... Really, when the time is right... the stars do align don't they? :)

    Take care of yourself, distance yourself and your kids from Clyde, it's the best thing for you all.

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  7. shitty news but great attitude! you rock

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  8. Oh dear. I'm so sorry to hear about your ex. That's terrible. I hope things end up all right, both for his sake, and for your kids.

    Money things are tough. If you end up having trouble making ends meet, don't be afraid to ask for help.

    Beautiful comparison from your friend.

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  9. I'm so sorry to hear about your ex. That is so tragic for your whole family.

    With some of the things I write, you'd think I never would go to church, but I began going again in January. I need to. I need all the help I can get. It sounds like you do too.

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  10. so sorry about your ex.

    and so loved the line about G-d clearing your excuses as it rang really true and hit close to home for me as well.


    Miz.

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  11. Night is darkest before the dawn. Hang in there - you'll get through this stronger than ever. I'll be thinking of you.

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  12. I guess I could say I'm sorry to hear about your ex, but God does not give us no more than we can bear. When you think the money is running low, trust me he will provide. Your gonna be like "where did I get this extra from". You know that what God does, he keeps giving us a little extra. Don't let his failure dictate your life's journey. Keep focused and PUSH. Pray Until Something Happens.
    I know its your children's father, but thank God its not you or your kids with the crack addiction. Remember God has a way of getting our attention. He must have a word for you at the church. Girl go to church and receive your blessings

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