Tuesday, August 18, 2009

One day at a time...

I was talking to my boyfriend this morning about all the crap I have going on in my life right now - sometimes it seems like I can't catch a break. If it weren't for the fun times and laughter that gets sprinkled into my week, I would be suicidal. I found out yesterday that my ex is smoking crack again, so that means he has probably already quit or got fired from his job. That also means that I will be going from not getting enough child support to none at all. SO... I am just going to go with the flow. I am so broke, I can't pay attention (lol). The worst that can happen is that I won't be able to pay my rent and I'd have to move. But I'm blessed that I know I will have some place to stay. I decided to take things one day at a time, and not worry about tomorrow until it gets here.

I was talking to my good friend Yvette last night, and she told me something I really valued. She said that when a woman has a baby, the worst part of the birth process is the time right before the baby is born. Just when a woman thinks there's no way she can push again, and that she can't take the pain anymore, a beautiful baby is born. When a mother looks at that beautiful baby, she forgets all about the previous few minutes, and focuses on the blessing she is holding. She compared the time that I'm going through in my life to giving birth, saying that this is the time where I don't think I can go any further, and that there's no way I can handle anymore pain. But before I know it, I will push through it and there will be such a blessing to behold. Thanks, Yvette... I needed those words of wisdom.

I started out with a protein smoothie this morning, and plan on having Subway for lunch. Today is my oldest daughter's birthday - she is finally 12! So I am going to run out and get Subway for both of us and have lunch with her at school. I really love it that she goes to the same school I work at now... I can keep my eye on her. She is having a sleepover on Saturday night, so that should be interesting. I told her she could invite boys from 7 - 10 p.m. for the "cookout" portion. That seemed to make her happy.

I am also trying to decide if I want to start going back to church somewhere. It seems like God has laid this on my heart more than once, but I always have an excuse. First it was that my kids were with their dad, but now that he's sucking on a crack pipe that's not gonna be happening. My other excuse is that I was spending Sunday mornings with my boyfriend, but now I will have the kids and won't be doing that either. Something is telling my that God just cleared my excuse list... but I still don't know if I want to go.

Gotta go teach the spelling lesson... bbl.