I decided since I am only going through the motions by weighing in at WW, and since I have allowed the scale back inside the house, that I would resume my normal Monday morning WI's. The scale this morning read 286.4, which is a 4.4 lb loss this week! I am happy dancing, since this is another LOW number for me. Today marks 29 days on my new way of eating, and if you'd have told me 30 days ago that I would be THIS far under the 300 lb. mark, after trying to get under 300 lbs for TWO YEARS, I would have found it hard to believe. My grand total is now 46.6 lbs! That's almost 50 lbs lost, and that makes me so damned happy!
I also had a HUGE NSV yesterday. A friend of mine and I were talking a couple of weeks ago, and he mentioned that he LOVED chess pie. For those of you that have never heard of chess pie, it is a very southern thing. It basically consists of butter, sugar, eggs, and a few other secret ingredients that depend on who's making it. I got the recipe from my mom, who got it from her mom, etc. So, since this person was nice enough to buy tickets for us to go to the Jennifer Hudson/Robin Thicke concert tomorrow, I decided to surprise this person by making a couple of pies to share at work. Now, I was aware ahead of time that this might be a challenge, but I was pretty sure I was up to it. I LOVE to make cakes and pies, and I also love to eat them, lol! You can guess since they have large amounts of sugar, I used to eat a lot of cakes and pies, especially during any holiday.
I didn't really do anything for Mother's day, other than take it easy and chill out around the house, so I decided to make the pies. I decided to make two chess, and two chocolate. When I was mixing together the ingredients, which used at least a pound of butter and about three pounds of sugar, and a total of 10 eggs (for 4 pies), I was so disgusted. How could I ever consume that much fat and sugar! I mean, I used to be able to eat a whole pie by myself over the course of a day! Ugh! I made the two chess first, then the two chocolate. Sometimes I had to catch myself to keep from licking my fingers, because that's habit. But I didn't feel tempted at all while making them. I ended up burning the edges of the two chocolate pies, so I decided not to take them. My children BEGGED to have a piece, and I cut them each a small piece.
After they went to bed, I went in the kitchen to wrap up the two "reject" pies, and the one pie that had been cut had this chocolatey, sugary piece of crust that was calling my name! For a split second I thought that I could KILL the rest of that pie. But something strange happened... my stomach turned! I almost felt nauseous at the thought of it! I wrapped them up and put them in the fridge. I brought the whole one to work today to give away, and I'll let my kids have another piece of the one at home for dessert tonight. My mom also said she wanted some, so I might give her the rest of that one. But I don't even WANT it! The old Hollie that still exists deep down inside of myself still tells me to eat stuff sometimes out of HABIT. Because that's what I've done for so long. But FINALLY, I am starting to learn to listen to my REAL hunger and REAL cravings. When I listen to what's real, I know that I don't want it.
I have almost went 30 days without sugar or caffeine. I am still struggling with eating every three hours on the weekends, but that is only because I am NOT hungry anymore. But even when I do feel hungry, I have been doing a good job of staying in control so I make good food choices when I eat. My mom offered to take me out to eat yesterday at this all-you-can-eat-buffet style joint, but I told her no. Yeah, I could probably find something to eat on the salad bar, and could have stuck to plan. But the truth is, NONE of us need to be eating there. Not my kids, or my nephew, and especially not her. I offered to grill out instead, and really enjoyed my turkey burger! My mom declined the grill-out, so she and my nephew still probably hit the buffet. That's okay, though. I can't control what she eats, but I can definitely control what I eat, and what my children are eating.
Tomorrow and Wednesday are probably going to be a little crazy. I am leaving work early tomorrow so I can meet my friends for this concert. I am so excited - this is my first "real" concert (at age 32!). Jessica is spending the night with my kiddos so I don't have any worries and can just go and have a great time. We are going to dinner before the show, but I'm not stressing it at all. The last two times I dined out, I made good choices and even had good WI's the next day. I have just learned to be specific about how I want my food cooked (no oil, sauces, etc.), and eat lots of veggies and drink water. I am still uneasy about drinking alcohol when I go out, not just for the calories, but because I'm afraid I will lose focus and slip. I know that I will not completely eliminate alcohol from now on, but just for the time being. One obstacle at a time...