Saturday, May 9, 2009

Day 27 - On Target

Some of you might remember that for a few months during Xmas I worked part-time at Target. I was doing Weight Watchers then, and really stalled on my weight loss. For one, it was the holiday season and I think we all struggle then. And number two... there was a Starbucks and Pizza Hut in the store. Yeah... I indulged a lot! Even since I have stopped working there, it seems as if there is a routine that happens when I shop there. I get the biggest Frappucino they sell, and my kids hit the food avenue for popcorn and hot-dogs. Sometimes we get a personal pan pizza or a soft pretzel - but we always get SOMETHING.

So yesterday after school/work when I picked up my son from my Mom's, she handed me some cash and told me to go buy the something for myself and the kiddos. It's been a long time since we've been able to any type of "shopping", so we were all excited and headed straight to the mall! I found a shirt to wear to the concert at Ross, and was able to find some great deals at Old Navy for my oldest. Then we headed to Target for sandals and a video game for the boy. When I approached the store, I smelled the Starbucks. Uh oh... here we go again...

Am I strong enough to walk past it? The kids are going to want to stop for something to eat... It's 7 p.m. and they haven't had dinner so it makes sense to buy them something from here since it's cheap. But I was a little uneasy. I said out loud - "I can't have Starbucks anymore." My oldest daughter said, "Yeah, Mama, you CAN if you want it." Then I said, "No. It's sugar and caffeine, and I just don't eat that way anymore."

We shopped around Target for a while, and after we checked-out, I stopped by Food Avenue and got the kiddos something to eat in the car on the way home. I grabbed a bottled water. That's it. I didn't even WANT it. And you know, I didn't know if I wanted it in the first place. I think it is just a HABIT to stop there and get it. Kind of like how I used to always get those donuts from Wal-mart. Didn't feel any cravings or urges. Didn't even miss it. I came straight home, at a small dinner, and that was that!

I feel like I was really in control yesterday, and am starting to feel really good about my progress. I am noticing subtle changes in my body. I can tell that my arms and my inner thighs are a little smaller. People are really starting to tell me they can tell I'm losing - even people who don't know I'm trying. They also say my skin is glowing - I attribute that to the supplements and healthy oils I am adding to my diet each day. I peeked at the scale this morning and liked the number I saw. The lowest number yet! I am a few pounds from being where I was after I had my 3-yr old.

The day I had her, I weighed 281 lbs, which amounted to a 50 lb. gain while I was pregnant. A week after I had her, I went back to the doctor for a check up, and also because I was swollen all over. I still weighed 281! So that was the first big discouragement and it went downhill from there. Most people LOSE weight after they have a 7 lb. baby, but not me. I just kept gaining. I actually caught myself for a few months in 2006 when I realized I was back over the 300 lb. mark (304), and got back down to the 280's. But it wasn't long until Clyde and I started having problems and the weight started piling back on. Before I knew it, I had gained back every single pound I had lost between 2003-2005 and was lingering around 326 for quite a while. My all-time high weight was back on August 25, 2008 when I started WW at work, and weighed in at 333. And that was the beginning of this journey...

I don't know what just made me go back in time like that? I guess it's good to see how far I've come. For once, I am more concerned about the what is going in my body that the number on that damned scale. I REALLY don't want sugar and caffeine to be a part of my life. I LIKE eating fresh fruits and veggies every day! I LIKE being able to park in the last spot farthest away from the store. I LOVE wearing smaller clothes, lol. Yeah, the number on the scale is a good measure of my success, but it does not DEFINE my success anymore. Walking away from Starbucks... that is success in my book!