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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Day 3 - Triggers

Today started off great, and was going pretty well until after lunch. My co-worker asked me to please run to Wal-mart to pick up a couple of things for the classroom. I was glad to do so, because I had a couple of things I needed to get. It would save me from having to make the trip after school with all three kids, so I was game. When I walked in Wal-mart, I felt overwhelmed instantly. It was the smell - the bakery and Subway are located as soon as you walked in the door.

One of my favorite binge items is donuts. On past work-trips to Wal-mart, I would always stop by the bakery and get three donuts - a long john, a Bavarian, and a jelly. I would scarf them down on the way back to the school, and then hide the box so my kids wouldn't know. Sometimes when I go with my kids, I'll buy them a dozen donuts so I can have an excuse to buy my "special" donuts. Then after they go to bed, I will sit at the computer and savor them. Same with the Cadbury eggs...I buy them two at a time.

As I was walking up and down the aisles, I felt jittery. Like a recovering crack head in a crack house. There was so much I could get! Not just the donuts, but the candy, the ice cream, the EVERYTHING! Going through the checkout line, I eyed the candy bars. That evil little voice in my head kept assuring me that no one would know. But I would know. I am tired of disappointing myself. I realized that Wal-mart is a trigger for me.

So needless to say, the cravings for sugar were a little strong today. As soon as I got to work, there were two bags of miniature candy and a pack or Oreos on my desk. I asked my co-teacher if it was some kind of fat-girl joke, but he apologized and said a student left it laying there. But I have not indulged... I am trying to stay strong. I know this will be a daily battle, because this is an addiction I am dealing with. My body has been addicted to sugar for a long time - and I'm sure it's pissed off that I am now depriving it of it's fix.

3 comments:

  1. "recovering crack head in a crack house"...I know exactly what you mean.
    It's hard in the beginning. The first several days are miserable. But it does get easier. For me it helps to think of what I can have instead of what I can't.

    You're doing awesome!

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  2. Its soo hard with temptations. Especially if you don't have a full stomach. I used to eat donuts all the time. They are soo bad for you from what I read.
    It takes time sometime to get away from the things you are soo used to. I know when I stopped drinking soda, it was tough at first but now I don't even like it when I drink it. I don't miss the taste anymore.

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  3. "I'm tired of disappointing myself" This is a key statement, HOllie... it says that you are learning to love yourself enough to do what is good for your body.

    Way to Go!!

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