Sunday, March 15, 2009

From a new perspective...

Today is my first "clean" day after two straight days of binging. I lost control Thursday night. I don't really know now what the trigger was, but it was on. Both Friday and Saturday I ate until I was stuffed and sick. Last night I knew that I couldn't live this way any longer. That person is the "old" me - it does not define who I am now. This morning when I woke up, I asked God for the strength to get my act together. I ask Him to take this dark mood away and to help me adjust my attitude.

For breakfast I started with a healthy bowl of oatmeal - the exact recipe (plus pumpkin) that I had on Thursday. After two cups of coffee, I decided that exercise was in order. I did 40 minutes on my elliptical (which makes noise but still works!). I stretched afterwards, then had lunch at around 1 p.m. I had my homemade chicken salad on two slices of Ezekiel bread. This is the first time I've tried Ezekiel break, and it was very good. I've been drinking water, and am planning dinner. If it stops raining, I may grill some chicken breasts. I've also been thinking about taco soup. In a few minutes I will run over to Publix to get some fruit since I'm currently down to a few apples.

I know I'm not the same person I used to be. I've made a lot of positive changes over the past year. I am aware of my health, and care about myself enough that I will not let myself fall back into the unhealthy eating habits that got me to 333 lbs. I am conscious about it now, where in the past I just didn't care. Although I am so lonely right now, I refuse to let negative people back in my life. A year from now I want to look back and think ...yeah, I'm glad I didn't give up. I know I say this a lot, but I refuse to give up.

I read some blogs of people who have been very successful at losing weight. One guy has lost over 200 lbs, and another woman has lost half her body weight! But it kind of irks me at how some of these people kinda look down on folks like me that don't have it together 100%. I don't think they do it on purpose, but I think the perspective is different when you're at goal. I don't think I'm a failure, and I know that my blogging friends who are also struggling are not failures either. Those people who never miss a day at the gym, and eat within their calories/points each day are no better than we are. As long as we keep getting up and fighting this battle, we are winners in this race. Why? Because think if where we'd be if we just gave up??? There is no magical solution, what works for one person will not work for everyone. I believe I will get there, though. This time I will not give up.