Keto meal plans!

Friday, January 23, 2009

The grieving process...

That's what I'm going through right now. I'm so sad, and also worried about my future and that of my children.

My children and I spent the night with a friend last night, so we were safe. This morning I drove by my house, and my husband's car was not there. So after I dropped of my son at school, I drove by the mental health clinic and my husband's car was still there. Since it is not an in-patient facility, I assume they transported him to another facility. I only can pray he is getting some help. Maybe if he gets medication and counseling he will not be violent or volatile.

That's why I feel so bad. Because I know that even if he does get help, I will still not stay with him. These issues have been on/off since we got married on 3/16/2000. I know this cycle will not stop. I have to get out now before my children are scarred anymore than they are. I will miss him, I will love him, but I will no longer stay with him. And that makes me feel like I've abandoned him. He even said it, that I was the only person I had behind him and that I've betrayed him. My friend said these feeling are common to women who have been physically and emotionally abused, and that I am doing the right thing. Well, actually, everyone that knows my situation say I am doing the right thing. Deep down I know it, but I still feel like I'm doing something wrong.

I could not weigh in this morning - no scale. I didn't eat a lot yesterday - no binging - but I did eat a few cookies last night and didn't have any water. I am going to try to stay in control of what goes in my mouth while my life and routine is so out of control. That's about all I can do right now.

Thank you for all the supportive comments and emails that were left yesterday. It might sound silly, but I love this BLOG, and value everyone who reads and follows me on this journey as friends.

11 comments:

  1. Hi Hollie, I'm so sorry I'm so long in saying how sorry I am you are going through this. You are sooooo strong though and I really admire that. You know you are doing the right thing for you and the kids. You'll get through this. I know how hard it must be for you. Hang in there, we are all here for you if you need us.

    Love and hugs,
    Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi, Hollie:
    I just came across your blog and wanted to say that I will keep you and your children in my prayers. I grew up in an abusive, violent home, and I I feel for all of you. Take care and stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Know in your heart of hearts that you are doing the right thing. It seems that in all things the easy, comfortable way is not nessisarily the right way. Sandpaper gouges, rips and scrapes( pain) but what is left is a smooth, beautiful finish that shows the wood off in it's finest state. Mountain peaks are beautiful, but growth happens in those deep valleys, where plants have the benefit of adequate moisture, shade from the too intense sun and a whole lot of mud to dig their roots in. This is your valley experience, and there are many blessings that come from this place.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hollie, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you but I hope that things get better for you and your children.

    (((Hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  5. Believe it or not, I was where you are 8 years ago. My first marriage started when I was 18. I had 2 kids by the time I was 21. Everything was fine at first while my ex-husband was in the military. But, then he was pressed to leave for reasons I still don't know and we found ourselves adrift on a sea of money problems, anger, resentment, unhappiness and stress. After that, my ex couldn't hold down a job. He had an affair. When I finally went to leave him, he held a gun to his head and said he would kill himself if I left. 6 months later he had gone from pushing me around to actually hitting me. It took me another 6 months to find the courage to leave. It was THE BEST THING I ever did. It was also THE HARDEST THING I ever did. I don't and have never regretted it for a second. It was so hard, but I am so much better off now and so are my kids. There's no question that it will be difficult for you and your children, but there will come a day when you can start breathing again and you will feel like you just purchased your life back. You and your children will be in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are a strong woman! Continue to have faith in yourself and know that you are absolutely doing what is best for you and most of all your children.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm sorry that you and your kids are having to go through this right now. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so, sooo sorry you are suffering. I really am. I have tears for you. I want you to know I have been where you are, almost exactly. You're not alone. Please know you have a friend here who will listen and understand if you need me. You can write me anytime if you would like to talk... lyn2007(at)att(dot)net. BIG HUGS.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh girl, hang in there. Prayers and hugs are coming your way, in a BIG way.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You and your children (and your husband) are in my prayers, Hollie.

    (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm so sorry you and your children have to go through this but I'm so happy you are safe at your parents house. I know its hard to walk away but your not only saving your life, you're saving your kids from the emotional scars of witnessing this relationship. I'm just so sorry you've had to go through this. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way and big big hugs

    ReplyDelete