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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Not so great morning...

Thanks to my husband and my mother, I've started my day in a really pissy mood. My husband started with his usual before I even got out of bed this morning. But I shook it off and set about getting my kids ready for school. My husband usually takes my son, and I take the girls (since their school is right behind mine). But last night my mom called and said she needed my husband to take her to the doctor this morning, and they needed to leave by 7 a.m. so she'd get there on time. So that meant that I would have to drop off my son, making me late for work, but that was okay. I made the round, and when I pulled in the parking lot of my school, my husband was waiting there for me. Immediately, I knew something had to be wrong, otherwise he would be on the way to the doctor with my mom. He informed me that when he got to my mom's apartment, her car was not there, but my sister's car was, which means that my sister took her to the doctor. No big deal, but she could have at least CALLED to tell us that she had another ride, since she knew that I was going to have to rearrange my morning so that my husband could take her. I asked her more than once to call me if something came up, because this has happened before. See, my mother PAYS my sister $50 to take her to the doctor, and since my sister is on CRACK she will often show up to take her. Even though it IS her mother, and the person who has custody of her 11 year old son, my sister still requires the $50 fee to drive my mother (in her car, using her gas) to the doctor. And even though my husband and I take her for FREE, she still would rather go with my sister because that's how it is with my mother.

I'm sorry this is off topic as far as weight loss, but it's something that really bothers me. When we were kids, my mother idolized my sister (who is two years younger than me). She was the skinny, beautiful cheerleading model. I was the fat, ordinary, acne-prone nerd. My mother didn't even deny that she loved my sister more, but justified it because she thought my father loved me more. But my father didn't even live with us - we maybe saw him every other weekend, and even then he was drunk. I knew he loved me, but it didn't compensate for the inferior treatment that I got at home. My self-esteem was destroyed before I even had one. I was the joke of the house, not just for my mom, but for my sister, too. I hated both of them for a long time...

But then I got away, and grew up, and matured enough to forgive. I went to college, got married and started a family. My sister dropped out of high school, gave birth to two sons who she has nothing to do with, and started smoking crack and prostituting herself for a 60 year old pimp. My sister is a totally worthless person, and has done some very evil things to me (which also involve my husband). But no matter what she does, my mother still loves her best. She still enables her lifestyle, and refuses to see anything wrong with anything she does. But after losing my father in 2005, I vowed that I would love my mother no matter what. I have accepted who she is, and I honestly don't think she can hurt me anymore. After she refused to go to my college graduation last year (because she had a headache?), I decided that she couldn't hurt me anymore. But she still pisses me off.

Okay...after writing this out I feel better already. {{{Mood Adjusted}}}

I work both jobs today back to back, so I have packed all of my food, snacks, and water so I can stay OP. I got lazy last night, and didn't get on the elliptical, and also had a late-night bowl of cereal:( But this morning I still saw a .6 loss from yesterday on the scale (I know I shouldn't be weighing daily). I do know I am putting better food in my body, and eating less overall. I am so happy to be back in control of my diet. It's about the only thing in my life that I can control right now...

6 comments:

  1. I think writing down those things that bug the heck out of us help us to vent, and then if we read them over at a later date, we get little glimpses of those things that are eating us and driving us to eat. Family, no matter who's, can drive us absolutely insane , and often do. It is better to vent about it and move on instead of holding it in and making us crazy. Hope the rest of your day is much better !

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  2. As much as we want to love our families sometimes we have to separate ourselves from them. I have learned that in the past few years and though it's been tough doing, it's been the most giving thing I've done for myself. The anxiety I've felt in the past few weeks over the holidays dealing with my sisters and family have shown me I did the right thing by distancing myself.

    You have to put yourself first, it's a must if you want to truly be happy and healthy.

    I would let mom find her own way to the doctors next time.

    Way to go on the weight lose and on packing your food for the day. *hug*

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  3. I agree with Di... I think especially mothers. I should send you the link to my other journal sometime... you'll get some good laughs out of some of my mother's bs.

    I'm glad you're a strong person who can shake them off (mother, sister)... sometimes writing it out helps a lot. I know it does for me.

    Here's to the rest of the day being WAY better than this morning.

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  4. These realities of your life have EVERYTHING to do with weight loss!

    You are truly a winner, Hollie, to be so successful after overcoming those kinds of obtacles.

    Hope the rest of your day is less annoying.

    There are no rules, BTW, about weighing....if it helps you to weigh every day - go for it! I find daily weighing helps to keep me motivated and on track.

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  5. I don't think the apology for being 'off topic' was necessary. I am pretty certain that your issues with your mom and your sister definitely contribute to your eating problems. Heck, I know mine do! :o)

    I am so sorry you have to go through all that. Don't you just hate that we can't choose our own families? lol I know I do!

    But that's the wonderful thing about blogging. You can vent to all of us and then move on instead of keeping it all bottled up inside.

    I really hope the rest of your day is going better! Take care Hollie.

    And for the record, I agree with Dawn, bbubblyb, 100%. Very well said!

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  6. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that for so long. I congratulate you on being able to accept your mother as she is, and not allow her actions to hurt you any more. It's not something I've ever been able to do with my father, even though I know it would be beneficial to me.

    Congrats on you .6 loss, too :)

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