Thursday, January 22, 2009

In case I'm MIA...

I have left my husband. Last night, and this morning, he became violent and scared the shit out of me and my kids. He threatened to kill me more than once, and went crazy in front of my children. He also threatened to take my children from me so I would never see them again. When he stormed out, he said he was going to the mental hospital to commit himself. He needs more help than I can give him at this point.

My children and I left immediately and went to my mom's house. I applied for the apartment that I looked at on Tuesday, and my best friend has offered us a place to stay at her house so we'll be safe. We are back home now because I saw his car at the mental facility, so I'd figure now would be a safe time to get some of our belongings. Who knows if I'll have any furniture left when I come back, but material things are replaceable. My life isn't.

I'm so scared right now, but I know this is the right thing to do. I am an abused woman, and I have to admit that. Just because he doesn't hit me doesn't mean that he isn't a batterer. His words hurt me way more than his actions, and they hurt, too. I love him, and I pray that he will get himself together, but I can't be his crutch anymore. I can't believe in him more than he believes in himself.

But deep down I do believe in myself. I believe I can take good care of my children on my own. I believe I can provide for them. I believe that I can care for myself and get healthy. I am happy that I haven't binged at all today, and I'm determined not to.

So I am leaving my home, but I will more than likely go back to work tomorrow since it's payday. I'll try to post then, but if for some reason I don't, this is why.